Do you know why Aldi’s doesn’t sell its own brand of nuts?

Because it’s would be called Aldi’s Nuts

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?

Cashews

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
(very slightly vulgar) What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyBucanneer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

β€œI’m a cashew. β€œ

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maria_von_Trapp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Well beer nuts are usually around a buck fifty, and deer nuts are always under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
how do nuts sneeze?

c-ACHOO

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/o_omicron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
Railway companies must be nuts.

After all, they have loco-motives.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wontonnoodles98
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

They believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Rocher.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnster1991
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are around $1.25 and deer nuts are just under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Patfan74
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
If Brazil nuts come from Brazil...

I don't wanna know where peanuts come from.

(this joke only works orally)

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TotalBismuth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a nut farm

The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mister_origami
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
You know what takes nuts?

A squirrel

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'

That will be a hard one to crack.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
What was the name of the Egyptian that was buried with chocolate and nuts?

Pharaoh Rocher

πŸ‘︎ 384
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evac95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
What does it sound like when a nut sneezes?

Cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaggyNick41
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nut with a cold?

A ca-SHEWWWWW

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TACKYTUESDAY
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
You know what drives me nuts?

Me car!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichyCigars
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.

I'm going to cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
What kind of nut doesn't have a shell

Donuts

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightHawk37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
You know what drives me nuts?

Blue diamond delivery trucks.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
NUT
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themadgod2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
Which nut sneezes too much?

A ca-shew

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
I saw today that peanuts have soared in price and Beer nuts are insanely expensive!

Fortunately, deer nuts are still under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I was telling jokes about nuts and bolts

But then I screwed up.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hensfan85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
I asked the Wal-Mart worker where I could find the nuts.

"They are all in the toilet paper aisle right now."

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rex_Mundi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Me and my mother-in-law's relationship in a nut shell.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/usdsquare
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
You know what drives everybody's nuts...

Nut delivery drivers

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $2.50, deer nuts are under a buck

πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 504
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you see the police talking to that nut outside?

I heard he was assaulted!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EasyCheese79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
What did the nut say to the other nut as it was running away?

I'm a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Girafffiiee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1.39, and Deer Nuts are just under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkinParkFan16
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Archaeologist digging in a Pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts

Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Christopher1295
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call an angry nut?

A pissed-achio

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ffsicantthink
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Me in a nut shell,
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan-555-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
What nut is the most expensive?

The cash-ew nut.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aditya_Bhargava
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
What is the wealthiest type of nut?

Cash-ew

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say to the other nut, while playing tag?

Ima cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BibleMain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What's Trumps favorite kind of nut?

A wallnut!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMineEmerald
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
If almonds are $1, peanuts $.50, and pistachios $1.50, how much are deer nuts?

Under a buck

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IMightNotBeKevin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
Smart nuts
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Hijo_Del_Lope
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Here's this sub in a nut shell
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pud3000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate playing hide and seek with tree nuts

They're always pecan

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a new line of nut-free peanut butter.

It's called "I can't believe it's nut butter"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say when chasing the other nut?

I'm a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danibloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Oh nuts
πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keanureevesarea51
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I failed no nut November because I saw a donut store sign and I read "do nut"
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ironporkchop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
This is nuts!
πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I do nut want to either.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M-3-R-C-U-R-Y
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a nut's favourite footwear?

Cashews

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/necroplasmic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Nuts running from the police is pointless

The police will always cashew

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Anyone fancy some roasted nuts?
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
An edible pale green seed of an Asian tree is very very angry with you for calling him a nut.

He's really pistachio

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Two Irishmen rob a grocery store of a pallet of exotic macadamia nuts to sell on the black market. They begin to argue about where to take the pallet when the passenger says "You're driving me nuts!" The driver replies..

YOUR NUTS?!?!?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/valonnyc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Totally nuts
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nathandreoni
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
'No Nut November' has a whole other meaning for squirrels.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumboooo_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A car's weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I spent $9.95 on a tin of holiday nuts. My wife thought that was too expensive.

I said, "$9.95? That's nut tin, honey."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
You guys, I failed No Nut November...

And it's a shame because i was really pullin for myself.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/josephthad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
You’d be nuts not to.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
It’s a nut cracker v.redd.it/7r1mjvs79ty21
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_swagg_man_
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife thinks I am nuts!

So my daughter is in Girl Scouts. Everybody knows that the Girl Scouts sell cookies, but they also sell chocolates, nuts, and other snack food. Since we have only one car and a large garage we usually volunteer as a cupboard. Basically we get a few pallets of stuff and the area troops pick up from our place.

Me: [stopping mid pulling into the garage] What is that?!

Wife: [concerned] What is it?

Me: [shaking my head] That is nuts!

Wife: [eyes roll] Really?

Me: [laughing uncontrollably]

My son didn’t laugh either.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad is a little nuts, as I was leaving the other day, I sneezed while saying goodbye.

He replied: "Cashew later too, son."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iiWizrius
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A person who studies how nut allergies effect the human body

Are they known as a Nutty Professor?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Santa's favorite nut?

Pistachi-ho-ho-ho!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tacobitch91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a judge from a lower court when they go nuts?

Judgmental

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
see deez nuts
πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gunslayerjj
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A new mummy was found in Egypt. It was covered in chocolate and nuts.

The archeologists believe he was known as Pharaoh Rocher!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Cussyou Nut
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoduhdo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut salesman who only accepted credit cards say?

Cash? Ew!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/compass853
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
This is nuts!
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ho0odini
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do nuts all cost so much nowadays?

It's like they cost an almond a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M_OrangeJu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Came back from a holiday in Germany, and customs confiscated my luggage full of spiced fruit and nut loaves.

Apparently it was all Stollen

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut said while chasing the other nut?

Im a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rzj_stuff
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call nuts that don't believe you?

Psshtachios.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebodymullet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
truck nuts
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VariousGas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nut with facial hair?

A mustachio

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy that just can't nut?

A nut-allergic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I was nut expecting that
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say to the other while playing tag?

I’m gonna cashew

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ewilsey
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut say when chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.98, deer nuts are under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joblessidiot420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $2.50 and deer nuts are under a buck

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acidandcats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rengokufan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts cost 2.50 deer nuts are just under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckbrown1208
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 242
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chocolateechidna
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.