Those parents must be nuts
πŸ‘︎ 387
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did the nut keep his money?

In his cash shoe.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Facepalm nut
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m3lvad3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I joined to pieces of metal today without nuts and bolts or welding

The whole process was riveting

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitalily
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Busted a nut...
πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZaKrypton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
That's nuts
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zarkzork1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked a girl for her hand. She thinks I'm nuts.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/All-Bets-Are-Off
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I held the nuts in a poker game once,

It meant a great deal to me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kallax82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Challenge: No Nut November Accomplished

New Foreskin Unlocked.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fakipo2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6 year old gave occupations to the Planters Mixed Nuts.

Cashews are bankers.

Peanuts are urologists.

And Chestnuts are plastic surgeons.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...

I'll see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 250
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D3LTAK1L0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts

Beer nuts are a $1:37. Deer nuts are under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBacon2339
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the angriest nut?

Pissed-aschios.

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heywood_Jablwme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one nut say while chasing the other nut?

"I'm a CASSSHHHEWWWW!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fentsterTHEglob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Nut car
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me how I cope with No Nut November...

Its easy, anytime I even think about eating a nut, I have a wank instead!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sparkplug420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the wealthiest nut?

Cashews

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Nuts

Beer nuts for sale $ 1:25 per bag Deer nuts under a Buck

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EnderJrack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a scholar’s favourite kind of nut?

A macademia.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JPrimrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
(very slightly vulgar) What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyBucanneer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What nut is always begging for attention?

Pssst-tachios.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why Aldi’s doesn’t sell its own brand of nuts?

Because it’s would be called Aldi’s Nuts

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Which is the grand master of nuts?

The chess-nut.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of nut is attached to the ceiling?

A Wall-nut. From my 8 year old son tonight. I am so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ilovecostcohotdog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?

A pee-nut.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nut that fell out of your bowl and rolled under the couch?

AWOL nut.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nihmen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?

Cashews

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.47, deer nuts are under a buck.

Made this joke up in the 3rd grade (you can't tell by the pricing). I'm very old now. Still a winner.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irish_car_b0mb21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
An ice cream man was found unconscious in his van today, covered in chocolate sprinkles, hundreds and thousands, raspberry sauce, caramel & nuts.

Police believe he tried to top himself.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of nuts can you wear on your feet?

Cashews

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Meeksta11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

β€œI’m a cashew. β€œ

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maria_von_Trapp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.

That was soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the name of the Egyptian that was buried with chocolate and nuts?

Pharaoh Rocher

πŸ‘︎ 388
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evac95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
how do nuts sneeze?

c-ACHOO

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/o_omicron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are around $1.25 and deer nuts are just under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Patfan74
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: "So, how was your last job in a nut shell?"

Me: "I never worked in a nut shell."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a nut farm

The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mister_origami
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Well beer nuts are usually around a buck fifty, and deer nuts are always under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Railway companies must be nuts.

After all, they have loco-motives.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wontonnoodles98
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

They believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Rocher.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnster1991
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'

That will be a hard one to crack.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what takes nuts?

A squirrel

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What does it sound like when a nut sneezes?

Cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaggyNick41
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nut with a cold?

A ca-SHEWWWWW

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TACKYTUESDAY
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
NUT
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themadgod2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.

I'm going to cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the nut say when chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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