Pear puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Victi_chan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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If you leave a pear out too long does it turn into a parrot?

Just randomly thought of this, hope it's good and at least moderately original (ik there's a lot of pear puns in general)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drood100
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Poor pear
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πŸ“…︎ May 24
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I'm about to diss-A-pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
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Skidaddle skidoodle your pear has now...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hzardous_
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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I made a pun about pears:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Stecky
πŸ“…︎ May 14
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What does a pear tree do before growing it's fruit?

It pre-pears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lowlz13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
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Shout out to all the pears
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nuggets_R_Uss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
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Why is the boat influenced by pears?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntn_98
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.

The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk. Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen. He was peachless."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KatWayward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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Pre pear yourself for a bad pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lotterynote
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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Roasted Pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcsquiggles1126
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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β€œI’ve always been afraid of gardening, but then I decided to grow a pear”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timpo777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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FUCK pears
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIMBOSLIP1237
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Dad: Is that a pear?

*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why's there only one?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAconsensualPE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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I think this pears nicely with this subreddit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MPuth1299
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Whatever you say Mr. Pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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It’s now a roasted pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t-bone999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I'm in this pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperD0S
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape

It's the reason we cantaloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingLevance
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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I only buy one pear at a time

They should be sold in pairs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sleeptrouble
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Angry pears. imgur.com/8apEx2D
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chamolibri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"

"No," I replied, "there is only one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ion785
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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The apple asked the Pear: Do you want to Smoke this fruit? Come on you’ll love it!

The pear responded: I will never succumb to your Pear-Pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Angelus-XIII
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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What do you call a pear in a compressor?

Pear pressure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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I SHALL GIVE YOU!! DIS PEAR
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redtyestar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?

Finding half a worm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neloc1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.

I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
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My dad makes sure that ripe pears are separated from those that are not.

This way there's no pear pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Wife told me to grow a pear.

I did. It tasted delicious.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?

It’s good to be a pair

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_norris864
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.

One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

β€œWhat are you doing?” I asked him.

β€œPreparing.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikin__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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What do you call pears with no ears?

Deaf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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What do you call two pears?

A pair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djonanzah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?

The damage was irreparable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, β€œWhat are you doing climbing my tree?” β€œWell, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.

β€œYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”

β€œWell I brought my own pears.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Ordered pears imgur.com/4mvNAlx
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepanazz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
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Pears always have an even number of pips.

They come in pears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eastawat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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My favorite fruit is the pear.

Why?

Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Username_snow
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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I just caught a walking pear tree...

In my Pear Ent trap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hann1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree

I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear"

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Wife: could you grab a pear or two while you’re out? Dad: Pair of what?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perspicaciousguy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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Dad, would you like a pear?

Yes, but just one please.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fgwaerfc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?

A pear-son

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyMiner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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I going to eat one pear at a time.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
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If a farmer tills a field so he can plant pear trees, is he "pre-pearing"?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rakketytam2000
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
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Pear batman
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RadDude_69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.

Because a flush always beats a pair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NintendoNerd101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
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I told my dad we had a couple of pears left in the fridge

"So we have a pair of pears?" I walked into that one, I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkPomegranate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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Wife: these pears a perfect right now.

Dad: would you say they're 'pear-fect'?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elfere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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pear
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
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My wife said there were two pears in the fridge. Then told me that my daughter took a pear for lunch.

So I said "I guess that means there's none left?"

That one took a while to set in. She looked confused until I had to repeat "If there were two, then [daughter] took a pear...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtMac02
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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Every time he's offered a pear, my dad responds with:

Pair of what?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/christninky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
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What do you call a pear with loose morals?

A prostifruit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klee23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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I asked my dad if he was eating a pear

He said "no, just one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brancamyname
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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A pear

A friend of mine had an oddly shaped pear in his lunch and confronted me about it.

him: Look at this pear

Me: I only see one

He ignored me but another buddy of mine laughed at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noahsgnar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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Dad on Pears

So our family was taking out fruit to eat, when my mom asks, "Anyone want a pear?" To which my dad immediately replies, "Me, but I don't want a pair, only one." Cue collective groaning from the 3 other family members in the room, and a big grin on my dad's face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWetzel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
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My dad just asked me if I wanted anything from the kitchen. I replied with "a pear."

He replied with "two of what?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iliveinabox117
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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Wife was cutting up pears for a dip

She was trying to get all the pears on half the serving dish but one slice kept falling off, so I said "I guess that slice doesnt conform to your desired a-pear-ances". Groaning ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackmatter615
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
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Do you like Pears?

Wife: Honey do you like Pears?
Me: Nah I am more of a fan of singles.
Kids: <rolling>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roloc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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