If you leave a pear out too long does it turn into a parrot?
Just randomly thought of this, hope it's good and at least moderately original (ik there's a lot of pear puns in general)
Skidaddle skidoodle your pear has now...
I made a pun about pears:
What does a pear tree do before growing it's fruit?
Shout out to all the pears
Why is the boat influenced by pears?
Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.
The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk.
Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen.
He was peachless."
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun
“I’ve always been afraid of gardening, but then I decided to grow a pear”
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Dad: Then why's there only one?
I think this pears nicely with this subreddit
Whatever you say Mr. Pear
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
I only buy one pear at a time
They should be sold in pairs
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
The apple asked the Pear: Do you want to Smoke this fruit? Come on you’ll love it!
The pear responded: I will never succumb to your Pear-Pressure.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
I SHALL GIVE YOU!! DIS PEAR
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
My dad makes sure that ripe pears are separated from those that are not.
This way there's no pear pressure.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
What do you call pears with no ears?
What do you call two pears?
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, “What are you doing climbing my tree?” “Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.
“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”
“Well I brought my own pears.”
Pears always have an even number of pips.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear"
Wife: could you grab a pear or two while you’re out? Dad: Pair of what?
Dad, would you like a pear?
Yes, but just one please.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
I going to eat one pear at a time.
If a farmer tills a field so he can plant pear trees, is he "pre-pearing"?
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
I told my dad we had a couple of pears left in the fridge
"So we have a pair of pears?"
I walked into that one, I guess.
Wife: these pears a perfect right now.
Dad: would you say they're 'pear-fect'?
My wife said there were two pears in the fridge. Then told me that my daughter took a pear for lunch.
So I said "I guess that means there's none left?"
That one took a while to set in. She looked confused until I had to repeat "If there were two, then [daughter] took a pear...."
Every time he's offered a pear, my dad responds with:
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
I asked my dad if he was eating a pear
A friend of mine had an oddly shaped pear in his lunch and confronted me about it.
him: Look at this pear
Me: I only see one
He ignored me but another buddy of mine laughed at it.
Dad on Pears
So our family was taking out fruit to eat, when my mom asks, "Anyone want a pear?" To which my dad immediately replies, "Me, but I don't want a pair, only one." Cue collective groaning from the 3 other family members in the room, and a big grin on my dad's face.
My dad just asked me if I wanted anything from the kitchen. I replied with "a pear."
He replied with "two of what?"
Wife was cutting up pears for a dip
She was trying to get all the pears on half the serving dish but one slice kept falling off, so I said "I guess that slice doesnt conform to your desired a-pear-ances". Groaning ensued.
Do you like Pears?
Wife: Honey do you like Pears?
Me: Nah I am more of a fan of singles.