Pear puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Victi_chan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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If you leave a pear out too long does it turn into a parrot?

Just randomly thought of this, hope it's good and at least moderately original (ik there's a lot of pear puns in general)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drood100
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...

But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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When I go grocery shopping, I always buy one pear

And then demand a second one, due to false advertising

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_lp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
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Well this one really grew pear shaped
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cohen19
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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Why did the student get a pear before his test?

He wanted to make sure he was pre-pear-ed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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Wife holding up "Prickly Pear Margarita": looks like I'm not driving...

Me: Why?

Wife: I don't want to drive im-pear-ed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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Where did the pear go when it was broke

To the re-pear shop.

Credit goes to my friend who is a dad, and thought this was original.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MOSTLYNICE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Dis a pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/79to55
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Why do you call the guy that’s afraid a pear will annoy him at any time?

Pearannoyed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oberynmviper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What do you call a vanishing pear?

Dis-a-pear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silviulescu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Poor pear
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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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This makes me β€œpear”y happy! See what I did there??
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Debeers19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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I was told shoes come in pears

When I bought some they came in a box, guess I was lied to

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesy-boi-65
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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What does a pear tree do before growing it's fruit?

It pre-pears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lowlz13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Why is the boat influenced by pears?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntn_98
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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Skidaddle skidoodle your pear has now...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hzardous_
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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I made a pun about pears:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Stecky
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Pre pear yourself for a bad pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lotterynote
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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FUCK pears
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIMBOSLIP1237
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Roasted Pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcsquiggles1126
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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β€œI’ve always been afraid of gardening, but then I decided to grow a pear”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timpo777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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Whatever you say Mr. Pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.

The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk. Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen. He was peachless."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KatWayward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Dad: Is that a pear?

*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why's there only one?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAconsensualPE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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It’s now a roasted pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t-bone999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I'm in this pear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperD0S
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape

It's the reason we cantaloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingLevance
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.

I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
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Angry pears. imgur.com/8apEx2D
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chamolibri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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Ordered pears imgur.com/4mvNAlx
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepanazz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
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Dad: Want to see a magic trick. Me: Sure dad... Dad: That pear is so ugly. Me: What, how is that a magic trick?

Dad: You know, dis-a-pear! Magic!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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I SHALL GIVE YOU!! DIS PEAR
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redtyestar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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I only buy one pear at a time

They should be sold in pairs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sleeptrouble
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Wife told me to grow a pear.

I did. It tasted delicious.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"

"No," I replied, "there is only one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ion785
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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What do you call a pear in a compressor?

Pear pressure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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My favorite fruit is the pear.

Why?

Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Username_snow
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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The apple asked the Pear: Do you want to Smoke this fruit? Come on you’ll love it!

The pear responded: I will never succumb to your Pear-Pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Angelus-XIII
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?

Finding half a worm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neloc1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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What do you call two pears?

A pair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djonanzah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.

One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

β€œWhat are you doing?” I asked him.

β€œPreparing.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikin__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Pears always have an even number of pips.

They come in pears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eastawat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, β€œWhat are you doing climbing my tree?” β€œWell, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.

β€œYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”

β€œWell I brought my own pears.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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My dad makes sure that ripe pears are separated from those that are not.

This way there's no pear pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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What do you call pears with no ears?

Deaf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?

The damage was irreparable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?

It’s good to be a pair

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_norris864
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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