If you leave a pear out too long does it turn into a parrot?
Just randomly thought of this, hope it's good and at least moderately original (ik there's a lot of pear puns in general)
I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...
But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.
When I go grocery shopping, I always buy one pear
And then demand a second one, due to false advertising
Well this one really grew pear shaped
Why did the student get a pear before his test?
He wanted to make sure he was pre-pear-ed!
Wife holding up "Prickly Pear Margarita": looks like I'm not driving...
Me: Why?
Wife: I don't want to drive im-pear-ed!
Where did the pear go when it was broke
To the re-pear shop.
Credit goes to my friend who is a dad, and thought this was original.
Why do you call the guy that’s afraid a pear will annoy him at any time?
What do you call a vanishing pear?
This makes me “pear”y happy! See what I did there??
I was told shoes come in pears
When I bought some they came in a box, guess I was lied to
What does a pear tree do before growing it's fruit?
Why is the boat influenced by pears?
Skidaddle skidoodle your pear has now...
I made a pun about pears:
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun
“I’ve always been afraid of gardening, but then I decided to grow a pear”
Whatever you say Mr. Pear
Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.
The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk.
Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen.
He was peachless."
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why's there only one?
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Dad: Want to see a magic trick. Me: Sure dad... Dad: That pear is so ugly. Me: What, how is that a magic trick?
Dad: You know, dis-a-pear! Magic!
I SHALL GIVE YOU!! DIS PEAR
I only buy one pear at a time
They should be sold in pairs
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Why?
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
The apple asked the Pear: Do you want to Smoke this fruit? Come on you’ll love it!
The pear responded: I will never succumb to your Pear-Pressure.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
What do you call two pears?
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Pears always have an even number of pips.
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, “What are you doing climbing my tree?” “Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.
“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”
“Well I brought my own pears.”
My dad makes sure that ripe pears are separated from those that are not.
This way there's no pear pressure.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
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