My grandfather just walked into the room with a guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
When I woke up this morning, I saw a bird of prey sitting in my backyard eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
What do avocado-loving ducks say?
How does an avocado move?
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
An avocado thief was caught committing a crime...
I heard they tried to get away ,but they didn’t av a car doe...
What do you call avocados that are grown in the Everglades?
Guacodiles
Credit to my dad
Had to tell my family we can't take the boat to the lake cause my truck broke down. Fortunately, avocado.
A total dad joke I made up last night- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?
I dropped my gun in the avocado dip. . .
Now is glockamole.
I don't care, I'll eat it anyway tomorrow on my toast for breakfast at ate a glock in the morning.
I just saw a priest blessing an avocado...
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
My grandpa just came over to my house with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. Miffed, I questioned, “Who's this guy?” Gramps chuckled and replied, "Who, him?"
"This is my hip replacement!"
I always use avocados in target practice...
I guess you could make some Glockamole.
What type of eye disease to avocados get when they get old?
Guacoma
(From 10 year old son)
P.s. funnier because of my job.
Don't rub avocado in your eyes.
What do you call an overly affectionate avocado?
My daughter was just gifted some avocado socks for her bday.
I told her "Now when you wear them, you can go for a guac". Groans all around the house. Success!
Reddit I don't know what to call my avocado socks
Why are avocados always sad
Because they have a pit in their stomach
Found a bullet in my avocado
Guess you can call it glockomole
I got a piece of avocado in my eye...
What do you call a smashed avocado that travels by foot?
Why do ducks like avocados?
They love to make quackamole.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with The Jungle Book?
I want to write a spanish crime show about a lawyer who represents avocado farms.
It would be called El Avocado Abogado.
How do avocados communicate?
Not enough love for avocados ... amirite?!
I've invented a game where avocados appear randomly and you have to smash as many as possible within the time limit
I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole
When Trump closes the border, if the US runs out of avocados, is that just one big guac block?
Why does Fozzy bear like avocados so much?
Because of waca waca-mole
What do you get when you put avocados in your handgun?
Trying to teach my wife how to properly choose a ripe avocado.
Honestly, it’s not that hard.
One time my friend ate rotten avocado
What do you get when you play whack a mole with avocados?
What is an avocado's favorite arcade game?
When you slice open avocados and realize some parts are not edible...
What did the duck say when he found an avocado?
Have you heard the one about the bee sting remedy made from Avocados?
..and fish oil?
They call it "AvoCodro's Number"
I woke up this morning and saw a bird of prey in my backyard eating avocado toast and yelling “Ok Boomer!”
It was a millennial falcon.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
I went to my backyard this morning, and I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
If a priest blesses an avocado
Would it be a holy guacamole?
Saw a bird eating avocado toast.
It was a millenial falcon.
My wife asked me, “Could you go to the store and buy one gallon of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.” When I came home with 6 gallons of milk, she shrieked, “Why in the world did you buy 6 gallons of milk!?”
I replied, “They had avocados.”
If a priest blesses an avocado
Would it be a holy guacamole?
I was in my backyard when I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
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