En garde!
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︎ Nov 26 2020
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
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︎ Mar 28 2021
A joke for the Spanish speakers out there: ΒΏCuΓ‘ntos estrellas estΓ‘n en el cielo?
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Be en garde when viewing this pun
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︎ Jul 25 2020
En français
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︎ Jul 18 2019
Orchards around the world are going out of business en masse...
All their hard work really is just one big, fruitless endeavor.
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︎ May 06 2020
En-Orgy
performing as a group requires a lot of en-orgy...
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︎ Nov 17 2019
"ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice 'nariz' en inglΓ©s?"
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︎ Jul 19 2019
Que s'est-il passΓ© en l'an 1111 ?
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︎ Aug 17 2019
On a family holiday to Bruges, we decided to walk to the nearby town of Damme. En route, my Dad said to my sister "your hair looks sort of OK today"
He then explained "to Damme with faint praise"
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︎ Apr 13 2018
How do you describe a desert with not even one grizzly in it? Bear-en
How do you describe a desert with at least one grizzly in it? Bear - In
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︎ Aug 01 2015
My son told me he will never eat hallowe'en pancakes again...
I ask him why and he responds "haunted French pancakes give me the crepes"
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︎ Apr 07 2016
Steph on the sideline is giving his team mates En-Curry-gement.
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︎ Apr 19 2016
The craft store is selling tiny wood coffins for Hallowe'en decorations.
I took one to my girlfriend, went down to one knee, presented the little black casket. I said, "Jamie, would you bury me?"
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︎ Oct 02 2015
Two big girls walk into a bar
Two big girls walk into a bar
They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies *"Wales!"*
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"
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︎ May 04 2021
What's a drug addict's favourite monster?
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Who was the funniest pope in history?
Pope Hilarius (AD 461 - AD 468)
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︎ Mar 28 2021
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
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︎ Feb 28 2021
If you wanted to take a bunch of bullets and forge them into a sword fit for a king what Caliber would you use?
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Pun
-What are you listening to?
-Yes.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
What do you call margarine's sassy walk?
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Wikipedias pun game is strong
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︎ Jun 19 2020
I have an Irish friend with a great personality that always bounces off the walls.
His name is Rick OβShea.
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Why did the cow get a ticket?
Because of a mooing violation.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
My friend Jay recently had twins, and wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
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︎ Oct 20 2019
What mathematical operation do the French despise?
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What does every tombstone have in common?
They're all engraved.
(I told this to my five year old this morning and got a very satisfying groan.)
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︎ Oct 27 2020
People are always trying to reinvent classical music for new generations.
I say if it ainβt baroque, donβt fix it.
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︎ Apr 02 2020
Feminism
When Chuck Norris attends a feminist rally he comes back with his shirt ironed. :)
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Cutting in front of a Volkswagen on the highway
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︎ Jul 29 2020
I get confused
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︎ Apr 29 2019
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
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︎ Mar 18 2020
The fugitive who made off with all that anise and fennel;
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︎ May 30 2020
Why is it hard to measure power usage with differential equations?
Because Watt and Euler don't mix.
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︎ Jan 04 2020
Gave the wife the bird with this one.
Me- I got rid of the crows that attacked the dog today. I took them to a concert.
Wife- What?
Me- I got 3 of them. I was counting crows....
Wife- stop.
Me- yeah I think I murdered that joke...
Wife- please stop.
Me- looks like Iβm eating crow on this one...
Wife from the other room- omg are you done yet!?
Me- Iβm giving you the bird right now! You humor sucks!
Wife- lol! You are an idiot!
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︎ Dec 23 2019
When I went to the Dead Sea my wife came up behind me and pushed me in. Everyone who saw it thought it was hilarious.
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︎ Aug 07 2019
I was surprised when i saw a man get struck by lightning
The man was shocked as well
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︎ Jun 27 2019
What do you call an Octopus addicted to drugs?
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︎ Jan 25 2020
Just got a delayed grin from my son on the way back to our hunting spot.
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
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︎ Dec 30 2019
My GF said to me, "I'm growing impatient..."
So I said, "What type of plant is that?"
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︎ Sep 12 2019
Did you hear about the chicken that sniffed too much curry powder?
He got so ill he fell into a korma!
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︎ Jun 12 2019
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