https://preview.redd.it/9auxavpt25d61.jpg?width=481&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=420abab00fc836d0bea8185270be4b870d10b133
he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"
Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady
Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy
this plays off another, funnier post but i couldn't find it again
And don't forget constitution.
Because there's a sucker born every minute.
A pickup line
He was taken for granite.
A Pyramid Schemer
An air con
They held a challenge to see how could get angrier then them.
It was out-rage-us!
A Pro controller and Joy Cons.
She took him for granite.
Spanish con-quiz-daters
https://i.imgur.com/O6ePcMG.jpg
I can’t imagine what that guy is doing now...what left is there to do in life after reaching the pinnacle of dad jokes.
An inspiration to us all.
I had a little mishap with a pruning saw in the yard and asked my wife to patch my finger up. She's a nurse, so I figured she'd dress my wound better than I could. She started off with cleaning up the cut with a betadine swab.
Wife: "This might sting a little bit."
Me: Yup. Yup that stings.
Wife: Sing a song. It'll take your mind off of it.
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to put on the red light,
Those days are over you don't have to sell your body to the night..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight,
Walk the streets for money you don't care if it's wrong or if it's right..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "You know who sings that, right?"
Wife: "Yeah, the Police."
Me: "Who and the Police?"
Wife: "Sting?"
Me: "Yes it does."
Because they drift.
https://preview.redd.it/l1bw02kr5k131.png?width=799&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e9d827518b2c69da1d87c1815a47a208a906c7a
Ms. Leading.
Con descending
On one hand you get to wear a ring. On the other hand, you don’t.
On the one hand, I like stealing treasure, but on the other hand, I don't want to have to wear a hook.
Not exactly a dadjoke, but she learned from the best.
So, it was last sunday and we did a family trip to the zoo with the whole family. Now our kids are 3 1/2 and 1/2 and we named them after strong animals, think "Leoni" (the Lioness) and "Falc" (the Falcon), not exactly those names, but you get the gist. We decided about our daughter's name about 4 years ago.
While we were standing at the entrance queue, my wife gently stroked our daughter's hair, lifted up our son, placing a kiss on his forehead, looked at me smiling and said:
"I have been waiting for this so long!"
"Uhm, to stand in line at the zoo?"
"No, honey, to .... take our zoo to the zoo!"
*groan*
a kangaruse
Yes, he left a pauper trail.
is progress the opposite of congress?
Pros: Food
Cons: Making
Then the opposite of “progress” is “Congress”
(Dads can be woke too)
it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?!
Is Congress the opposite of progress?
