What do you call a dwarf convict with a debilitating skin disease?

A lepercon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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For the convict on death row waiting to hear back from the governor...

...no noose is good news.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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What do you call a dwarven convict who can talk to spirits and escape prison?

A small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hufflestuff33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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I didn't think the police would convict me for robbery until I saw the briefcase full of the money

In that case, they had evidence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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Convict: I plead not guilty Judge: What is your defense

Convict: Well if u r what you eat, I'm an innocent man.

(Credit to my man Bryce)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Nick007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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A farmer’s convict son was supposed to be helping him with the chores. When he looked behind the barn, his son was asleep on the hay.

He was out on bale.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Today I saw a an escaped convict dwarf climbing down a wall...

I have to tell you, it was a little condescending.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesslees24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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Saw an escaped convict today who had gone bald.

guess it really was a close shave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LANDWEGGETJE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Did you hear about the tree surgeon who was found to be hiding escaped convicts up trees in his garden?

He was charged with arboring criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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A convict escapes from prison wearing paper towel shorts.

He’s now got a bounty on his head and his ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Defend2112
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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Did you hear about the escaped convict with a speech impediment?

He couldn’t finish his sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frnklfrwsr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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People are injecting racehorses with steroids, but the cops are finding it difficult to convict them.

It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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News Reporter: We've been looking for an escaped convict with one eye...

If we don't find him, we'll use two eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spicy-Jimbo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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When I was helping my dad rewire part of the house he told me that he could tell that a convict had done the old electrical work.

When I asked why he showed me a bundle of wires and said, "It's all confused."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediOfTheShire
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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What do convicts and a hip hop artist's bed have in common?

They both have rap sheets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbritt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...

Expunge Bob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoffInNC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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my wife and I found out that our boy was convicted of burning down houses

no matter what he's still arson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ax3-_-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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4 prisoners are telling each other what they were convicted for

The First man says: I committed 2nd degree murder

The Second says: I committed: 1st degree assault

The Third says: I committed 1st degree possession of drugs

The Fourth man simply says: Arson

The Second man asks him: What degree was it?

The Fourth man responds: I'm not sure, it was pretty hot though. About 525 Celsius-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsectNation1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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I wrote a book about how convicted felons can use fiction writing to work through their experiences and achieve better rehabilitation outcomes.

It's called, "Prose and Cons".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I was convicted for stealing a calendar.

I was given 12 months.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainSpy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Where did they send the physicist who was convicted of terrorism?

Quantumamo Bay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keel_zuckerberg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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What's a pirates least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Dr Seuss was recently convicted for shoving a man on to a mountain of corn, and stomping him to death, then shooting him twice, all while wearing women’s clothes.

sadly this is the 3rd case this week of a pop pop crop-top crop top pop hop

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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I was convicted of feloniously inept dancing, and the probation officer said I was a high risk for recidivism.

But then I did the hokey-pokey, and I turned myself around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Why does Waldo always wear stripes?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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If a child refuses to sleep during nap time...

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnUddaGamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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What do you call a convicted violet offender?

A perp hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjornulf17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the math teacher who was wrongly convicted?

It just didn’t add up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glaserbeam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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So, a sidewalk was convicted of murder the other day.

The prosecutor was sure that he had concrete evidence of the crime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuippGamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't torrenters ever get convicted?

Because they're generous seeders, and they have to be tried by a jury of their peers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Fish convicted of Murder? GILL-ty
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JemCrew
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2017
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Breaking news, plice van crashes into cement mixer

A police van carrying 12 convicts crashed into a cement mixer.

Police are now looking for a dozen hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the train sent to the insane asylum after being convicted of first degree murder?

He had a LOCO MOTIVE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DDevil37
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I watched a stand-up routine by a convicted murderer.

The jokes were dead-on, really a killer performance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Did you hear about the English teacher that was rightfully convicted?

He got the full sentence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glaserbeam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Did you hear about the banana that was a prosecutor?

He won the conviction, but slipped up on appeal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Why would a person in a painting be convicted for a crime that he didn't commit?

Because he was framed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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Did you hear about the car rental business that was just convicted of a crime?

It was a criminal Enterprise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterThog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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What do you call a convicted felon who just jumped from an airplane?

Condescending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaSprocket
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the convicted criminal ?

It's a killer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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A man was convicted of murdering another man, he said; β€œIts not my fault,

Han shot first.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapphireLycanrock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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We shouldn't be surprised by the number of wrongful convictions.

After all, it's just trial and error.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
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I made my son some scrambled eggs and as he was eating them I turned to him and said

Are they all they were cracked up to be?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/definitelyhooman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Breaking News: Light convicted destructive interference.

Sentenced to life in prism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryzikx
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the math teacher that was wrongfully convicted?

It just didn’t add up...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glaserbeam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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