How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?

They just ransomware.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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My left knee has never committed a crime.

I can’t say the same for his felony.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate_hawwk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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What do you call a bird that has committed a crime?

An illegul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mRmyster76
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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A man asks a police officer if it’s a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes

Officer: β€œYes, that’s assault!”

Man: β€œI know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What do you call a mediocre member of organized crime?

A mafiososo.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s actually a crime to throw sodium chloride at someone.

It’s assault.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watanabelover69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it a crime to throw NaCl on someone's eyes?

It's assault

I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MAGICJJAFFFF
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Whats the name of a crime series filmed on a sunny japanese island?

Kawaii five-o

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcarrot9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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The police officer made me pay up for my crime.

Meh, that's fine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timfreemints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
When is it a crime to just lie there?

In court, under oath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just ransomware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Apparently there was a crime that happened on the airplane that led to the plane crashing into the ocean.

The police are trying to investigate to figure out how it all went down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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The police show up on a crime scene

They walk in and see a man standing over a body with a broken neck. So they take the man into questioning and ask him why he did it, the man said β€œIt was a snap decision”

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bear6677
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?

Judge - Yes, that's assault!

Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?

Person: Yes, that's assault.

Me: Yes I know it's a salt, but is it a crime?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhish3kjain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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prostitution is a thot crime.

inviting several prostitutes to the same party is gathering your thots.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sikkerhet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guinea pig that partakes in organized crime?

A hamster

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ngeelow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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In the history of crime literature, which character has been the most effective at getting people out of prison?

The dot "."

It has ended more sentences than anything else.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultimadark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Crime on multi storey car parks.

Wrong on so many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralHornbill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Schrodinger’s Cat has committed unforgivable crimes.

He is wanted dead and alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajicMan101
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
An avocado thief was caught committing a crime...

I heard they tried to get away ,but they didn’t av a car doe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaberEggMaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here. reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KORZILLA-is-me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?

A cowabungalow

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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What does Venom use to commit crimes online?

The Dark Web.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crime fighting dog that can swim underwater?

SCUBA-Doo!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?

Because he's always a little fishy

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cha0sCaus3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator trying to solve a crime?

An investi-gator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inoobie_am
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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Cup Crimes
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.

I said, β€œit’s a bit muggy.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If you see a crime at an apple store....

Does that make you an iWitness

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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What do guns, vaginas, hospitals, and war crimes have in common?

discharge.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandviewsurfer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation

They go to the ROOT of the problem

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...

I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole

Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.

Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.

πŸ‘︎ 533
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large reptile that solves crimes?

An investi-gator.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crime committed by a cat?

A feline-y

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MansNotHot772
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
At crime scenes where they sketch out a body with chalk?

Is that technically a die-agram?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gooddayitisi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve witnessed a lot of crimes in my life...

.. but stealing someone’s soap really takes the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orklyabsent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the train conductor commit a crazy crime?

Because he had a Loco-motive

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJRichter
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes?

Judge: yes it’s assault

Me: I know it’s a salt but is it a crime though?

Originally posted by u/CurryMuncher13 on r/Jokes

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't Batman, even with all his crime fighting, reduce Gotham's crime?

Because his partner is always Robin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyguzz1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m worried my young daughter might have a future in crime. Today, she found a tree branch on the ground...

She immediately raised it above her head and said, β€œThis is a stick up!”

(Credit to my 2.5 year old- inspired by true events)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiguelPopsicle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of animal do you need to solve crimes?

An investiGATOR.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I have commited several war crimes in uzbeckistan and am giving myself in for gassing hundreids of civillian houses
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dog-loaf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What crime did they charge the insomniac with?

Resisting A Rest

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VagariTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What crime did the forest commit?

Treeson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/knittingmonster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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