Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?

Because he's always a little fishy

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cha0sCaus3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
What do guns, vaginas, hospitals, and war crimes have in common?

discharge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandviewsurfer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...

I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
Cup Crimes
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large reptile that solves crimes?

An investi-gator.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation

They go to the ROOT of the problem

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crime committed by a cat?

A feline-y

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MansNotHot772
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
At crime scenes where they sketch out a body with chalk?

Is that technically a die-agram?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gooddayitisi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
A murder took place. Everyone witnessed the crime being committed.

They know it was E who brutally killed the man in question. They saw it. Against all previous odds of his record coming clear, people testified.

A jury was formed to try E on these alleged crimes. Due to the extreme gore of the crime scene and its explicit details, it was a closed hearing. After hours of trial and testimony, E emerged, innocent in the eyes of the court. He was absolved of all charges.

Everyone wondered how he managed to pull it off.

There is a reason he is called Mr E.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Why did the train conductor commit a crazy crime?

Because he had a Loco-motive

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MJRichter
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes?

Judge: yes it’s assault

Me: I know it’s a salt but is it a crime though?

Originally posted by u/CurryMuncher13 on r/Jokes

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I’ve witnessed a lot of crimes in my life...

.. but stealing someone’s soap really takes the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orklyabsent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole

Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.

Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.

πŸ‘︎ 527
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't Batman, even with all his crime fighting, reduce Gotham's crime?

Because his partner is always Robin.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyguzz1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I’m worried my young daughter might have a future in crime. Today, she found a tree branch on the ground...

She immediately raised it above her head and said, β€œThis is a stick up!”

(Credit to my 2.5 year old- inspired by true events)

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MiguelPopsicle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
What crime did they charge the insomniac with?

Resisting A Rest

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VagariTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
What type of animal do you need to solve crimes?

An investiGATOR.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
I have commited several war crimes in uzbeckistan and am giving myself in for gassing hundreids of civillian houses
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dog-loaf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?

It was wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Urinal lot of trouble for this crime scene.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeDrops4Cyclops
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was neutron not guilty of crime?

Because it couldn't be charged

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/getintocollegern
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What crime do you commit when you throw a text book?

Textual Assault

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kirat692157
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What crime did the forest commit?

Treeson

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/knittingmonster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Rowboatcop! He seas your crimes!
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blizzrobe777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm vacationing in a part of Puerto Rico know for violent crime, so I borrowed some of my friend's xanax.

He told me it's great at preventing Hispanic attacks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
A music project in the ghetto taught a lot of youngsters to play string instruments. The crime rate dropped significantly.

But now they have a lot of violins

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arthur_Decosta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the farmer always able to get away with a crime?

He was excellent at planting evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish that does crimes?

Gillty

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/megisoriginal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If you witness a crime in an Apple store...

Does that make you an iWitness?

πŸ‘︎ 195
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WinGs5000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.

The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

πŸ‘︎ 345
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Korean high school girl who flights crime in spare time?

Kimchi Possible, obviously

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArthurRanpo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
"Crime most fowl ends happily"
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AutisticHelpsYou
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Iron Man and the Silver Surfer is teaming up for the next movie to fight crime.

They are alloys.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
The picture perfect crime imgur.com/w3zqJM2
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abdlforever
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If being out of shape was a crime, a productive punishment would be to run on a treadmill.

It would be a run-on sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DudleyDoesMath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when 7 Austrian children get you to commit a crime?

Von Trappment

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zebrocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
(From my daughter) Who investigates toilet crimes?

The Poolice. It's their doody.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unbiasedasian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey Cousin Bruce! Did you hear that my mom goes out and fights crime?

Bruce: Yeah! She's the best vigilAUNTIE out there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m the animal kingdom, it’s considered a heinous crime for a malaria-infected mosquito to bite.

The insect police force was tracking one of these malaria-mosquitos, when the mosquito fled to a farm. First, she tried to hide in the house, until the farmer chased her away with a newspaper. She tried to hide in the barn with the horses, but the barn cat took a few swipes at the mosquito, and chased it from the barn.

Finally, the mosquito set eyes on sheep in the pasture.she decided all that thick wool would be the perfect place to hide from the insect police force.

The police force arrived shortly after. They first went to the house. No mosquito. They searched the horses. No mosquito. Finally, they got to the pasture with the sheep. After searching and searching, they could not find where the mosquito had hidden.

The mosquito was on the lamb.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadfullyBIzzy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
In war it’s best to commit crimes on naval frigates.

Charges are often dropped.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst crime to commit in arbor society?

Treeson

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKingOfFault
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard to solve a crime in Alabama?

Because everyone has the same DNA

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DallasDomino0806
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The dark Web should be called Amazon Crime.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeannieinabottle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?

Because it's a gray area

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the dog get away with the crime?

Paws-able deniability.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShimuDono
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A midget with the ability to talk to ghosts committed a crime but was not caught yet.

We are looking for a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JazzPhobic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Just saw an sex crime happening

But dont worry, i called the fucking police

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawyer_Morty04
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who saw a crime occur at an Apple Store?

An iWitness

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samrf1202
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A wild brown rabbit recently became the world's first non-human creature to be charged with a crime and arrested.

Authorities claim he was found to be disturbing the peas.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hell2go
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crustacean involved in organized crime?

A mobster lobster!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/falconman478
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to write a spanish crime show about a lawyer who represents avocado farms.

It would be called El Avocado Abogado.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaskan_Giant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What are plants that captured evidence of crime called?

Photowitnesses

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/789_ba_dum_tss
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The Sunburn Police found a new suspect for the recent string of crimes around town.

They ransacked her house, car, everywhere she goes looking for clues. One would say they’re Aloe Vera.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epiczombie339
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about crime in multi story car parks?

It's on so many levels!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Te_Waapu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Blue collar crimes vs white collar crimes.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yax01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Which reptile specializes in crime solving?

An investigator

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AchillesPgr5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fruity crime?

A melony

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An_AFK_Player
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Stealing flowers is a terrible crime

It’s de-flora-ble.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deltabay06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Schrodinger’s cat recently went on a deadly crime spree.

He is wanted dead and alive.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Crime scene cleaner once said:

Most people are dying to see him πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m1ngaa
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call the crime of killing a friend?

Homiecide

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiskikena
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why hasn't Abraham Lincoln ever been charged with a crime?

He's in a cent.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OneCoolGuy234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the detective say when he found bread from France at a crime scene?

Baguette

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Font Town so crime ridden?

because it's sans sheriff

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slaying_mantis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee cup report a crime to the police?

It was mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/c0mm0nEAGLE
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can’t an aquatic predator and an avian predator team up to fight crime?

Because that would be eel-eagle

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BearGuru
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHello 911.” β€œWhat’s your emergency?” β€œThese men won’t stop laughing.” β€œThat’s annoying, but not a crime.”

β€œWtf is manslaughter then.”

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the hacker escape the scene of the crime?

They ran-some-where

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leMEME0550
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is Batman after a night of fighting crime?

Bruise Wayne

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neudeu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the worst crime a pirate could commit?

Grand theft arrr-to

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kirby_Stomp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Crime & punishment
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyAGENT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Chinese man committing crime in a multi story car park...

It’s Wong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tedt93
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Waiting is a crime....

...because you are killing time

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolfiae
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I learned something today. When the news anchor says, β€œIf you know anything about the crime, call the police,”

The cops get super pissed if you call them and re-tell the news story.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I was only taught yesterday that people were hung as a punishment for their crimes.

This is noose to me.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiterallyL0091
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Just found a victim of hit and run in a parking lot. Crime is unbearable.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fasterthan3E8mps
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Lesson learned today: When the newscaster says, β€œIf you know anything about this crime, please contact the police...”

The cops get really pissed off if you call them and just repeat the news segment.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Recently, a pencil was accused of committing several crimes

The pencil is going 2B in a very big pencil case

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OathMate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crime in the elevator?

It was wrong at so many levels...

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackSchnauzer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why would a person in a painting be convicted for a crime that he didn't commit?

Because he was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the car rental business that was just convicted of a crime?

It was a criminal Enterprise

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterThog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
abraham lincoln never committed a crime

he was in a cent

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tehferretgamer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What crime do trees commit?

Treeson

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyborg_daniel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Geneva have a relatively high crime rate?

It has no Serif

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyJoeDavola
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What happened to the purse when it was found at a crime scene?

It became an accessory to the crime.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heebiepjeebie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
People ask why peeping toms usually commit their crimes between 8 and 10...

That’s the peak time

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iam4real
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What crime were the gaggle of crows in jail for?

Murder

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zennok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the most vile and uncivilized crime for a fruit to commit? (G)rape.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cookedalaska
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was Abraham Lincoln never found guilty of a crime?

He was in a cent.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ande4100
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a soup wear while committing a crime?

A bisquise.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skyisfallen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What crime did the tree commit?

He committed treeson

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SquawkMcQuawk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.

The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.