Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?
Because he's always a little fishy
What do guns, vaginas, hospitals, and war crimes have in common?
I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...
I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.
What do you call a large reptile that solves crimes?
How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation
They go to the ROOT of the problem
What do you call a crime committed by a cat?
At crime scenes where they sketch out a body with chalk?
Is that technically a die-agram?
A murder took place. Everyone witnessed the crime being committed.
They know it was E who brutally killed the man in question. They saw it. Against all previous odds of his record coming clear, people testified.
A jury was formed to try E on these alleged crimes. Due to the extreme gore of the crime scene and its explicit details, it was a closed hearing. After hours of trial and testimony, E emerged, innocent in the eyes of the court. He was absolved of all charges.
Everyone wondered how he managed to pull it off.
There is a reason he is called Mr E.
Why did the train conductor commit a crazy crime?
Because he had a Loco-motive
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes?
Judge: yes it’s assault
Me: I know it’s a salt but is it a crime though?
Originally posted by u/CurryMuncher13 on r/Jokes
I’ve witnessed a lot of crimes in my life...
.. but stealing someone’s soap really takes the cake.
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
Why can't Batman, even with all his crime fighting, reduce Gotham's crime?
Because his partner is always Robin.
I’m worried my young daughter might have a future in crime. Today, she found a tree branch on the ground...
She immediately raised it above her head and said, “This is a stick up!”
(Credit to my 2.5 year old- inspired by true events)
What crime did they charge the insomniac with?
What type of animal do you need to solve crimes?
I have commited several war crimes in uzbeckistan and am giving myself in for gassing hundreids of civillian houses
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?
It was wrong on so many levels.
Urinal lot of trouble for this crime scene.
Why was neutron not guilty of crime?
Because it couldn't be charged
What crime do you commit when you throw a text book?
What crime did the forest commit?
Rowboatcop! He seas your crimes!
I'm vacationing in a part of Puerto Rico know for violent crime, so I borrowed some of my friend's xanax.
He told me it's great at preventing Hispanic attacks.
A music project in the ghetto taught a lot of youngsters to play string instruments. The crime rate dropped significantly.
But now they have a lot of violins
Why was the farmer always able to get away with a crime?
He was excellent at planting evidence.
What do you call a fish that does crimes?
If you witness a crime in an Apple store...
Does that make you an iWitness?
There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.
The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.
What do you call a Korean high school girl who flights crime in spare time?
Kimchi Possible, obviously
"Crime most fowl ends happily"
Iron Man and the Silver Surfer is teaming up for the next movie to fight crime.
If being out of shape was a crime, a productive punishment would be to run on a treadmill.
It would be a run-on sentence.
What do you call it when 7 Austrian children get you to commit a crime?
(From my daughter) Who investigates toilet crimes?
The Poolice. It's their doody.
Hey Cousin Bruce! Did you hear that my mom goes out and fights crime?
Bruce: Yeah! She's the best vigilAUNTIE out there.
I’m the animal kingdom, it’s considered a heinous crime for a malaria-infected mosquito to bite.
The insect police force was tracking one of these malaria-mosquitos, when the mosquito fled to a farm. First, she tried to hide in the house, until the farmer chased her away with a newspaper. She tried to hide in the barn with the horses, but the barn cat took a few swipes at the mosquito, and chased it from the barn.
Finally, the mosquito set eyes on sheep in the pasture.she decided all that thick wool would be the perfect place to hide from the insect police force.
The police force arrived shortly after. They first went to the house. No mosquito. They searched the horses. No mosquito. Finally, they got to the pasture with the sheep. After searching and searching, they could not find where the mosquito had hidden.
The mosquito was on the lamb.
In war it’s best to commit crimes on naval frigates.
Charges are often dropped.
What’s the worst crime to commit in arbor society?
Why is it so hard to solve a crime in Alabama?
Because everyone has the same DNA
The dark Web should be called Amazon Crime.
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
How did the dog get away with the crime?
A midget with the ability to talk to ghosts committed a crime but was not caught yet.
We are looking for a small medium at large.
Just saw an sex crime happening
But dont worry, i called the fucking police
What do you call someone who saw a crime occur at an Apple Store?
A wild brown rabbit recently became the world's first non-human creature to be charged with a crime and arrested.
Authorities claim he was found to be disturbing the peas.
What do you call a crustacean involved in organized crime?
I want to write a spanish crime show about a lawyer who represents avocado farms.
It would be called El Avocado Abogado.
What are plants that captured evidence of crime called?
The Sunburn Police found a new suspect for the recent string of crimes around town.
They ransacked her house, car, everywhere she goes looking for clues. One would say they’re Aloe Vera.
Have you heard about crime in multi story car parks?
Blue collar crimes vs white collar crimes.
Which reptile specializes in crime solving?
What do you call a fruity crime?
Stealing flowers is a terrible crime
Schrodinger’s cat recently went on a deadly crime spree.
He is wanted dead and alive.
Crime scene cleaner once said:
Most people are dying to see him 🤷🏻♂️
How do you call the crime of killing a friend?
Why hasn't Abraham Lincoln ever been charged with a crime?
What did the detective say when he found bread from France at a crime scene?
Why is Font Town so crime ridden?
because it's sans sheriff
Why did the coffee cup report a crime to the police?
Why can’t an aquatic predator and an avian predator team up to fight crime?
Because that would be eel-eagle
“Hello 911.” “What’s your emergency?” “These men won’t stop laughing.” “That’s annoying, but not a crime.”
“Wtf is manslaughter then.”
How did the hacker escape the scene of the crime?
Who is Batman after a night of fighting crime?
What is the worst crime a pirate could commit?
Chinese man committing crime in a multi story car park...
It’s Wong on so many levels.
Waiting is a crime....
...because you are killing time
I learned something today. When the news anchor says, “If you know anything about the crime, call the police,”
The cops get super pissed if you call them and re-tell the news story.
I was only taught yesterday that people were hung as a punishment for their crimes.
Just found a victim of hit and run in a parking lot. Crime is unbearable.
Lesson learned today: When the newscaster says, “If you know anything about this crime, please contact the police...”
The cops get really pissed off if you call them and just repeat the news segment.
Recently, a pencil was accused of committing several crimes
The pencil is going 2B in a very big pencil case
Did you hear about the crime in the elevator?
It was wrong at so many levels...
Why would a person in a painting be convicted for a crime that he didn't commit?
Did you hear about the car rental business that was just convicted of a crime?
It was a criminal Enterprise
abraham lincoln never committed a crime
What crime do trees commit?
Why does Geneva have a relatively high crime rate?
What happened to the purse when it was found at a crime scene?
It became an accessory to the crime.
People ask why peeping toms usually commit their crimes between 8 and 10...
What crime were the gaggle of crows in jail for?
What's the most vile and uncivilized crime for a fruit to commit? (G)rape.
Why was Abraham Lincoln never found guilty of a crime?
What does a soup wear while committing a crime?
What crime did the tree commit?
There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.
The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.
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