I was going to make a joke about capital punishment

But I wasn't sure how to execute it

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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What type of car believes in capital punishment?

A Musthang

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Though not a perfect solution, cryogenic storage could be an alternative to capital punishment.

It has it’s frozen cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MotoFuzzle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Why did Stalin only write in lower case?

He was afraid of Capitalism.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!

...That's capital punishment!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenofthebans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Someone's really changing the game
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/cmgladeluxe
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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When they made Hester Prynne wear that big scarlet A...

it was capital punishment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunterglyph
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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When you reprimand upper case letters . . .

It’s capital punishment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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There is a high chance that you were subjected to capital punishment.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....


... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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A rather long dad joke

A few years ago, there was a series of murders that seemed completely independent from one another, aside from two similarities. Each of the victims had received an e-mail the day prior that was typed in all caps, and contained a joke, with the punchline being a play on words. The victims also all had felony convictions. In light of the second fact, many people felt that the murderers were doing a service to the public. Many others disagreed, however, and those against the murders all rallied under the same slogan: End Capital Punishment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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My dad on our way to see the Sabres game

Dad: So who are we playing tonight?

Me: Washington Capitals

Dad: Oh...so if they whoop our asses it'll be capital punishment?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/musicguy2341
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2015
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