Itβs my jingle bell rock.
https://preview.redd.it/ujv35rwei5m61.png?width=715&format=png&auto=webp&s=7a7478572fc765d48ca4306bc44262caf8027e8b
A nopal
His favorite is βjumpinβ jack flashβ
I play dnd and my bard is very annoyed, that our party's druid, who is an earth genasi (appearance was described as a living statue)) won't give anyone his name.
So my bard will only address them with rock based puns until they properly introduce themselves.
Until I fell into a printing press.
Velcrows.
It really rocked my world.
Highrider
Good man, terrible geologist.
A baked potato.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
Don't know what they were laced with, but I was tripping all day.
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path
It's a fuckin rock.
Never mind, I will just skip that one.
High maintenance
It was a miner injury.
Mount Rushmore.
Obviously a sham rock.
In the US, women get stoned BEFORE sex.
You've made a grave mistake...
The Xbox 316
Because the steaks are high.
He replied: only gays get stoned here
πΊ Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
πΊ Beer can help protect your heart.
πΊ Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
πΊ Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
πΊ Beer strengthens your bones.
πΊ Beer helps reduce stress.
πΊ Beer may help improve memory.
πΊ Beer helps cognitive function.
Apparently, it turned out to not be his strong suit!
... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.
Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.
He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.
His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.
Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.
This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.
The moral of this story?
Don't judge a brook by it's clover.
A stone culled fox.
He was taken for granite.
He couldn't stand it.
Let that sink in.
But it was his own dumb asphalt...
Philosopher stoned
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
Mount Rushmore.
