My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:

What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepHurts
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
What kind of gems do bees like?

Rubees!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/010101001010100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Need gem related puns

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Nonyl_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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Can't take credit for this gem /r/Jokes/comments/m947ak/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aLittlePuppy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I have seen some crappy posts in this sub so here are some gems

Rubies, Diamonds, Emeralds, Opal, and Sapphire

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carson0412
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad dropped this gem during breakfast.

How do you know if a man is ticklish? Just take 1 test-tickle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun_Kill3r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Only people sorting by new can see this gem. (Evil laugh)
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Was scrolling through the comments of ask Reddit when I found this gem
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?

A mooborn!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Singular1st
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
This gem from r/memes
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epiphany81964
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Driving past an antique store with my dad and he drops this gem...

β€œWhy do aunts get all the glory? What about uncle-tiques?”

πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on r/me_irl
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_Guacamole69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem when sitting in a vacant cube in an office I travelled to this morning to work remotely.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stahrcrash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Found a gem this morning
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ozzy_HV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this gem in r/okbuddyretard
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on a sub
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWildNazis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A gem I found in the YouTube comment section
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noshaveseptember
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Found this gem today
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicxs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I had to highlight this gem from r/Skyrim
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen_OwO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on Instagram
πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on YouTube
πŸ‘︎ 797
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicalBear202
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem today
πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcaneCoyote
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Two people fell in love as they were sharing Gems candy. What do you call their relationship?

Bond, Gems Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madjholu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
After my breastfeeding class, my husband spouted off this gem.

Me: "I need to call your insurance about breast pumps... see what they cover."

Husband: "Probably the boob."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnshaw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Just found this gem in the Sims 4...
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/miraaaaaak123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on fb
πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/django_24
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Hit my buddy with this gem today.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_eazy_life
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Had this gem of a conversation with this guy on Discord...
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icy_Wolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Just saw this gem on Facebook
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kamui_18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on r/memes
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prevay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem downtown near my job.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romir38
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this Gem in r/aww
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OuterSpaceDrugs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem, thought it belonged here.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dealsrop
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I came across this gem earlier

Emerald

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My 10 year old came up with this gem

β€œβ€˜TouchΓ©, or not touchΓ©.’ That is the question.” That’s Dadspeare.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmhollifield
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Was looking up some work rumors, found this gem
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stebedubs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A true hidden gem
πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyeb29
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on pinterest
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malama2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife with this gem...

http://imgur.com/OdIv0uU

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_Noob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on r/funny
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchemingWeasel_75
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on r/confusing_perspective. A pair of sunglasseyes.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone on reddit came up with this absolute gem.
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinCNG
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on facebook
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sebastiancavolina
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this absolute gem
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/undermade12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my whole class with this gem...

So we were talking about what separates humanity from the rest of the animal kingdom, and we got on the subject of mice. Prof had mentioned that a mouse will laugh if you tickle it's belly, but you can't tell it a good joke. My reply: "it might if it's really cheesy"

badum, tiss

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
🚨︎ report
found this gem

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_lemon-pie
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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