Just bought a diamond ring for the Wife from a green Leprechaun. I dunno...

...Think I was sold a sham rock.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get from putting a diamond in a printer?

A carbon copy

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waterburst789
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who commits a murder with a deck of cards that only has clubs, spades, and diamonds?

Heartless

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lego_luke
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix COVID-19 and Neil Diamond?

Sweeeet quarantiiiiine...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frasier_n_Chill
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
One Carrat Diamond Ring
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emotional_Plenty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a malleus made of diamond?

An I-ssicle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lerraine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
How do diamond companies get away with selling useless rocks and remain successful?

They mined their own business

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slizzler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My dogs started playing β€œLucy in the Sky with Diamonds”

Should’ve known since they are the Beagles..

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
This guy comes up to me at the karaoke bar and asks, "Are you the guy who spends all night singing Neil Diamond songs?"

"I am", I said.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
What’s more expensive, a ladder or a diamond?

The latter.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tmart193
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend likes to get her leg pierced with diamond studs...

I think she might have a gam-bling addiction.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
My friend got her leg pierced with a lot of diamond studs...

She might have a gam-bling addiction.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife if she'd like a new Diamond Ring to celebrate our Anniversary

"Nothing would make me happier!" She replied

- So I got her nothing

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/angster001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD

to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.

The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.

Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poortio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog made out of diamonds?

A facet hound

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knife_2_meet_u
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a guitar made out of diamond.

Now I can play some hard rock.

πŸ‘︎ 384
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamieLaineRose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the diamond, super short sword that Annie the Orphan found?

It's a hard rock knife.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Husband told me he'd gotten me a 14-carat diamond. Sigh.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pargsnip
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Diamonds

Diamonds, pretty coal, eh??

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrpaul22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite mineral would have to be the diamond. They rock.

Cos minerals are like...y'know...rocks. minerals. punny stuff

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhantomPhoenix350
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an easily breakable diamond?

A frajewel

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XX_RedSpace_xX
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
When I went to Karaoke Night, I was asked, "You the guy who only sings Neil Diamond songs?"

"I am," I said.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My kid got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spadeβ€”all without my permission.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Puns about diamonds are hard.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedAnimationz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, was arrested yesterday, but thankfully didn’t spend the night in jail.

He was Saved by the Bail.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Neil Diamond has just bought his new car, a Saab, on eBay. I guess you could say he got a Swede car online
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/opethlike
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What's cheaper, a plastic mould or a diamond?

The former...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dganjo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A diamond extractor walks into a bar and orders a drink

The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve miners here."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a pair of non-prescription glasses made of diamond; and I know what you're thinking

They're mined readers

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't we know the weight of the rarest diamond in the world?

Never mined.

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emzieees
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
🚨︎ report
I went to get a diamond ring for my fiancee,

But I got thirsty and instead I got de Beers.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/woyteck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
🚨︎ report
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds"

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
The people that invented laser diamond cutting are addicted to crystal math
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amishrakefight1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2014
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s last wish was that we should convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal...

...until the pressure got to him...

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Neil Diamond has just bought his new car, a Saab, on eBay. I guess you could say he got a Swede car online
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/opethlike
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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