What a waste!
Although now he's been busted.
Me: What's the opposite of "Missus?" (Referring to the label he wrote to my mom)
Dad: A hit.
I was double-crossed.
one watches cells and one sells watches
Because he got to work with carats.
She said you can’t go wrong with DeBeers.
You know, Justin Kay’s
One sells watches and the other watches cells.
One sells watches and the other watches cells
2 crown jewels
I went to the jewellers today, and asked the salesman about a watch.
"how much is it?" I asked.
"25 Pounds" He replied.
"Is it a wind-up?" I asked
"No, it really is 25 pounds"
My boyfriend was looking for his loop (also known as a jeweler's glass) I wasn't sure what it looked like. When he found it:
SO - "This is a loop."
starofelendil: "A what?"
SO: "A loop"
starofelendil: "A what?"
And she was a real bargain!
But seriously folks. My wife and I were walking at a mall, around closing time for most stores. She noticed and commented that there was a Kay Jewellers, but being that they were closed, those security wall things were down. I said it was more like a Cage Jewellers
My dad likes to toss things in the house. Ask him for a soda? Catch! Need mayo on your sandwich? Heads up! You get the idea.
Last night the family was in a rush to get dinner on the table, so needless to say food was flying. My younger brother was at the table catching things and putting them on the table while my dad stood at the fridge throwin' shit. I guess my dad threw the barbecue sauce to early because my brother wasn't ready and it made impact right in the family jewels.
Brother (on the floor): Dad, you got me right in the balls!
Dad: Oh I did?
Bro is now doing that thing where you're in pain and you're talking while gritting your teeth/ holding your breath.
Brother: Yes! The barbecue sauce. Right on the dick.
Dad: Well which was it, did I hit your balls or your dick?
Brother: Same difference!!
Dad: No no no, there's a vas deferens between the two.
Me: God damnit dad, that's perfect. I'm using that.
So here I am, using it.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip
to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this... keep reading on reddit ➡
So this morning I was getting ready for work when I realized my junktown races might need some trimming.
> [Looking down at my family jewels] "Man, you are Hairy.." > > To which she replied, "I thought your Dick's name was Tom!"
Took me a second to realize that she had reversed the order of Tom Dick or Harry haha. I'm so proud of her!