The jewel theft was caught and sent to prism.

Lucky for him, it was a light sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ITlearnme
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Jewel thief with worlds worst stutter was jailed for 10 years yesterday...

A police spokesperson says it may take him up to 11 years to finish his sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Saw rhis jewel. Had a good laugh.
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shiro_Miyano
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this jewel on r/dankmemes
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aidan36000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother won 5 million dollars on the lottery, then promptly spent it all on a solid gold, jewel-encrusted garbage can.

What a waste!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a sculpture in the likeness of my dear old dad: an infamous jewel thief who has never been caught.

Although now he's been busted.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad posted this jewel on his facebook page.

http://i.imgur.com/097L28z.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Palindromer101
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad came up with this jewel on Xmas eve

Me: What's the opposite of "Missus?" (Referring to the label he wrote to my mom)

Dad: A hit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rawchel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Jeweler said I could buy two crucifixes for the price of one.

I was double-crossed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IncredDeadVipet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a jeweler's favorite desert?

Carat Cake

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?

one watches cells and one sells watches

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maxian213
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the rabbit choose to become a jeweler?

Because he got to work with carats.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fadswaffer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the jeweler make soup

He used 24 carats

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you measure the power of love?

In jewels It's an engineering joke

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
I proposed in a brewery at the jeweler’s recommendation.

She said you can’t go wrong with DeBeers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was recently banned from the Antiques Roadshow.

...I tried to have my family jewels appraised.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotwitty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Saw that Justin Timberlake owns a Kay’s Jewelers store as a backup.

You know, Justin Kay’s

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/visionweaver
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Prince Harry give Meghan Markle for their wedding?

2 crown jewels

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HakunaThoseTatas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Watch

I went to the jewellers today, and asked the salesman about a watch.

"how much is it?" I asked.

"25 Pounds" He replied.

"Is it a wind-up?" I asked

"No, it really is 25 pounds"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Black_Hole_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Then he just shook his head and walked away...

My boyfriend was looking for his loop (also known as a jeweler's glass) I wasn't sure what it looked like. When he found it:

SO - "This is a loop."

starofelendil: "A what?"

SO: "A loop"

starofelendil: "A what?"

SO: "damnit"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/starofelendil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my wife at the mall

And she was a real bargain!

But seriously folks. My wife and I were walking at a mall, around closing time for most stores. She noticed and commented that there was a Kay Jewellers, but being that they were closed, those security wall things were down. I said it was more like a Cage Jewellers

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
🚨︎ report
There's a deferens!

My dad likes to toss things in the house. Ask him for a soda? Catch! Need mayo on your sandwich? Heads up! You get the idea.

Last night the family was in a rush to get dinner on the table, so needless to say food was flying. My younger brother was at the table catching things and putting them on the table while my dad stood at the fridge throwin' shit. I guess my dad threw the barbecue sauce to early because my brother wasn't ready and it made impact right in the family jewels.

Brother (on the floor): Dad, you got me right in the balls!

Dad: Oh I did?

Bro is now doing that thing where you're in pain and you're talking while gritting your teeth/ holding your breath.

Brother: Yes! The barbecue sauce. Right on the dick.

Dad: Well which was it, did I hit your balls or your dick?

Brother: Same difference!!

Dad: No no no, there's a vas deferens between the two.

Me: God damnit dad, that's perfect. I'm using that.

So here I am, using it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wardenofthethread
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Negativity joke from my dad. (as emailed)

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip
to Rome with her husband..

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful,
and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

scroll down.....

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joe630
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife made a dad joke this morning..

So this morning I was getting ready for work when I realized my junktown races might need some trimming.

> [Looking down at my family jewels] "Man, you are Hairy.." > > To which she replied, "I thought your Dick's name was Tom!"

Took me a second to realize that she had reversed the order of Tom Dick or Harry haha. I'm so proud of her!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cubs1917
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
🚨︎ report
I made a sculpture in the likeness of my dear old dad: an infamous jewel thief who has never been caught.

Although now he's been busted.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

One sells watches and the other watches cells.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dlakej
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

One sells watches and the other watches cells

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CommieColin
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.