I showed my dad marble racing on YouTube...

He asked me if it takes place in the Marble Cinematic Universe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pandamana
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
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Just found out my childhood house had marble countertops.

This whole time I took them for granite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Formaldefortress
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I don't like your Italian marble floor.

Well That's like Europinion man

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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A marble-ous name for a dog boutique
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mango_chair
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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"You didn't secure the trailer properly????have you lost your marbles?!" "Why, yes. Yes I have"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eric-99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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I'm watching a video from Wintergatan where he plays a homemade instrument that works using marbles.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_ScratchKat_03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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I'm going to name my dog, marbles.

So that when I lose it, I can say I've lost my marbles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chapatiroll52
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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I just redid my kitchen in marble.

Unfortunately it was counter-feit. I can't believe I got taken for granite like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avanou
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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He lost his marbles
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PungentMayo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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Did you hear about the machine powered using marbles that dispenses cinnamon while playing a short song?

They call it the "Marble Cinna-matic Uni-verse"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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I dressed up as a marble statue for Halloween but nobody noticed

I think they took me for granite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trashcancomic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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It was my first day on the job at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. My boss gave me the easiest, but most important, job on the assembly line. After a few hours, my boss frantically ran to my station to check in on me. "Why are you so far behind? Why are marbles and thread scattered everywhere?"

"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolarBurrito
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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All my marble friends are mad at me...

... They say I took them for granite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theCanadiEnt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
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One of my kids lost their damn marbles.

https://imgur.com/gallery/CQyTA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digeratisensei
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
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Looks like someone's working his ass off
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/applicantx
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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I told my wife that I would never take her for granite.

Though, I probably would for marble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhench78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Rocks don't get the respect they deserve.

A lot of people take them for granite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Here's how you know you've really hit rock bottom.

When you slap a marble statue on the butt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Hiking with my dad while growing up in Texas. Every time.

Tapping on a rock one of us is resting on or using to tie a shoelace, "You know, some people take this stuff for granite."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunnysaurus_Rex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2015
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Still makes me laugh 10 years later

Father and son project; painting a bicycle I recently salvaged. It was my first time using spray paint...

Dad: Make sure you shake that can before spraying it on there.

Me: How long do I shake it for?

Dad: Until the marble dissolves.

After 15 minutes and a sore arm I started asking questions...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaWizard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
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My dad can't stop talking about getting granite tiles for our flooring

Probably because he has lost his marble(s).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/floorballouis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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Did you hear about the guy that got killed during an argument over a counter top?

Its really sad. His life was taken for granite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nanocoffeebean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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Look at those chiseled features!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tlddlttlddlt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2013
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My 11 year old son’s joke

Him: I lost my marbles!

Me: Oh?

Him: Yeah, and they were sentiMENTAL to me!

He then laughed and put his hand up for a high five. He is truly his fathers son:) My husband is very proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hireathone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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Got my friends at an outdoor restaurant

The wind was high and dirt blew on us. As everyone was rubbing their eyes I said "one day we'll all look back on this day fondly. I'm sedimental like that." Groans ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/headexpl0dy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2016
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When I found out that little sphere stones have gone missing,

I lost my marbles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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My Dad and the urologist shared a dadjoke at the worst time...

I was 16 and had found a small cyst (marble sized) in my scrotum. My regular Doc. had referred me to a Urologist, my dad came along "for support"

Dr: Hello, I'm Dr. so and so, what brings you in to see me?

Dad: Well it's my son here, apparently he has grown a third testicle.

Dr: I see, if that's case, the truth is you don't need me, you need to get your son an agent!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carbidegriffen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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sometimes the children make it too easy...

The kids were setting up a game that was missing some pieces, marbles as it happened. So they asked, "Dad, do you have any marbles?"

"Nope, I've lost mine."

At least my wife appreciated it....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nimrod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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No One Appreciated My Work On Christmas...

Context, we had family over my parent's house and were talking about what all us kids have been up too since we are grown now. They were talking about my cousin that just became an RN when I dropped gold that wasn't appreciated.

Cousin: "Yeah, she is doing great down in Florida now at a great hospital. She's a nurse on a really prestigious floor."

Me: "Hmm, must be made of marble or something."

My cousin: "Huh?"

Me: "It's a prestigious floor. It must be made of marble or something."

No one got it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Are_Brown_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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I got my physics class a while back.

We divided into groups and the lab was to use the measured volume and diameter of various spheres to find our own approximation of pi. So we had to use marbles and some ball bearings. We get to our station to start measuring when a girl in my group says:

Her:"Hey, where'd the blue marble go?"

Me: "I don't know. It'll be fine though, so don't... lose your marbles"

Her:nearly slaps me

I said it a few times that class, and when some other group dropped a marble down the drain I said it loud enough to get a groan from the whole class.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fortisrufus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
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Dad Giveaway

Had a dad-spotting while walking through the empty hall at school a few minutes ago. A small object rolled out of a door further down the hall followed closely by a stooped over middle-aged professor chasing after it. He nabbed it up just as I was passing by and looked up at me to say, "I've got to get out of here. I'm losing my marbles."

He then laughed to himself and quickly ducked back into the classroom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ladybadcrumble
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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On the job site

I'm an architect and visited a house with my boss and the client today which is nearly finished. We were talking about the marble counter he got for his bathroom and how nice it is.

My boss - "Yes, client, we really think you're doing a marvelous job with this so far..."

Me - "Maybe even a marbleous job"

silence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PostPostModernism
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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My friends dad would say this to him anytime he did something stupid...

"you're as sharp as a marble."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyrangers22294
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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My dad just forwarded this email to me...

> > Balls > > > > INTERESTING OBSERVATION > > 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. > > > > > > > > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. > > > > > > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. > > And... > > > > > > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is > > GOLF. > > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: > > > > The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls > > become. > > There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Queen's Park > > playing marbles. > > You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BladeNoob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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Grandpa the Prop Comedian.

Grandpa: Pulls out all of the contents of his pocket and stands in a crowd staring at it... just waiting for the sucker who asks what he's doing.

When someone finally notices, sometimes after minutes of waiting, he says "They say I lost my marbles, but I found one"

Sure enough, he'll have a marble in his hand. He always carries a marble so he can make this joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abrown4788
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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I just realized my countertop is made of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gmolevitz
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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