I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'

Until I fell into a printing press.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.

It really rocked my world.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Der-Kommissar-III
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Fred Flint’s Stone
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peeeffendee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!

I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_you-ng
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a cool rock in my father-in-law's yard. FIL- Oh that's a native American fertility stone. Me- Really! How can you tell? FIL- ....

It's a fuckin rock.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumbbookknurd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?

Never mind, I will just skip that one.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.'

Obviously a sham rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?

You've made a grave mistake...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinner_cat96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Emma Stone
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aminkatyb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What is Stone Cold Steve Austin’s favourite gaming console?

The Xbox 316

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSBennett
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
This one went by cold with the rest of the chat. Stone-cold.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoneblosom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I always loved The Rolling Stones
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsjakeonit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Iron man yielded infinity stones and after the snap, due to stones’ immense power, he died!

Apparently, it turned out to not be his strong suit!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarabharaKabab_12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?

He was taken for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach

He couldn't stand it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatdoginapan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Kidney stones?

I think I'll pass.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/talpa710
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A stone thrown into a pond in 1990 has been wet for around 30 years.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinner_cat96
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the plant that looked like a stone?

It was a shamrock.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yorkshirenation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I hired the Rolling Stone dercorators to style my room. They did a terrible job.

They just painted it black. I couldn't get no satisfaction with it.

My vision was light blue walls but I guess I always can't get what I want.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?

What a big relief.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mau_lene
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Where are all the stone miners?

In quarry-ntine

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.

It was cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Johnson stone
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ankit2020
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
You haven't got kidney stones, have you? Because that would mean urine trouble!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
The blarney stone has lost its power

Now it's just a sham rock

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lost_in_Thought
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Rolling Stones [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m two stone lighter this morning.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/readitt_prime
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
COLD STONE STEVE AUSTIN
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/normalizecrocs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you paint stone light green?

Limestone

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatGuyHanzo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the stone mason who was married to a con artist?

She took him for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarkeStrawberry
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I like to slap stone statues on their behind sometimes.

I've hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stick_in_the_mud_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
πŸ‘︎ 488
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πŸ‘€︎ u/134282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A fish was swimming 'til when he saw a stone wall.

he then said, ''dam''

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cardboard_pencil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
It's impressive to have a lot of gall or a lot of stones, but if you have both you should probably see a doctor.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnieDog23456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Buns of... stone
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teuntie05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife bought a pumice foot stone the other day, but I made her return it.

I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpunkBunkers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Stone cold
πŸ‘︎ 208
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Dr.Stone really had a Rocky Start.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigni44a
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said

Look who’s grounded now, mom.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sioswing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I put a stone on my mattress

Now, it's bedrock

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjtheporcupine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.

It is my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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