I always loved The Rolling Stones
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/letsjakeonit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
A stone thrown into a pond in 1990 has been wet for around 30 years.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dinner_cat96
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
Kidney stones?

I think I'll pass.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/talpa710
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
I hired the Rolling Stone dercorators to style my room. They did a terrible job.

They just painted it black. I couldn't get no satisfaction with it.

My vision was light blue walls but I guess I always can't get what I want.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?

What a big relief.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mau_lene
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Where are all the stone miners?

In quarry-ntine

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.

It was cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
The blarney stone has lost its power

Now it's just a sham rock

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lost_in_Thought
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you paint stone light green?

Limestone

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatGuyHanzo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the stone mason who was married to a con artist?

She took him for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Johnson stone
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ankit2020
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Rolling Stones [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A fish was swimming 'til when he saw a stone wall.

he then said, ''dam''

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cardboard_pencil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
COLD STONE STEVE AUSTIN
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/normalizecrocs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I like to slap stone statues on their behind sometimes.

I've hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stick_in_the_mud_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StarkeStrawberry
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
It's not just a small stone

It's Iraq

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daeverythingboi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.

It is my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
It's impressive to have a lot of gall or a lot of stones, but if you have both you should probably see a doctor.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnieDog23456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
You haven't got kidney stones, have you? Because that would mean urine trouble!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend plays classical music to his pet oysters, which he places stones within the soft tissue of their bivalves...

He makes cultured pearls.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I put a stone on my mattress

Now, it's bedrock

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pjtheporcupine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m two stone lighter this morning.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/readitt_prime
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife bought a pumice foot stone the other day, but I made her return it.

I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpunkBunkers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Buns of... stone
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teuntie05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Dr.Stone really had a Rocky Start.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigni44a
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Stone

Stwo

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thespunkmunky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said

Look who’s grounded now, mom.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sioswing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
πŸ‘︎ 488
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/134282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A Rolling Stone gathers no moss
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mill3nnialfalc0N
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
They've invented a phone that's powered by infinity stones.

It runs on thanOS

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/w33dchild
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?

Nevermind, I'll just skip that one.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Stone Cold tells it like it is
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream I had 1 infinity stone

Oh boy that was a power trip

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Duck7Man
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who carves ducks out of stone?

Username checks out

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drake_mason
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?

Exparagus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSnowSam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stone that's exactly 1.609 km wide?

A milestone

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lordman17
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Stone cold
πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Medical students dread the test on kidney stones.

It's the hardest one to pass.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_lord_kinbote_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Goliath do, after David slung a stone deep into the giants forehead?

He go lieth down.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd like these set in stone, please
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
You shouldn’t take things for Granite, because nothing is set in stone
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pasta-hobo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A Sham Rock!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Conrad273
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a really nice person yesterday. We talked while he cut and layered stones.

I like him. I think he is a mason.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LIN88xxx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I had kidney stones, but that I shouldn't worry, because...

This, too, shall pass

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh look it's the older model Stone laptop
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the stone leave?

He was taken for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/synnarc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dude who died from kidney stones?

Too many drinks on the rocks

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaftdriven73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
We're up all night to get Stones...
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twisted_Shogun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Persephone asked Hades for dessert and in response he threw a stone at here and said

Here’s a palm o’ granite

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œBeatles or Stones?”, I asked my son.

β€œWhy can’t we have something normal for dinner?”, he replied.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't know what happened, but this man looks a little stone-faced.
πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maaadelene
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
🚨︎ report
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what does it become?

Wet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord1401
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
When I found out that little sphere stones have gone missing,

I lost my marbles

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What is it called when Thanos kills Gamora for an Infinity Stone?

Soul searching.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the bladder say to the kidney stone?

Urine my way.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you squeeze a Pomeranian between two stones?

Pome-GRANITE Juice!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Miz104
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I became friends with a stone, and he drowned.

It was a shame, because I was very attached to him...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexei17
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I read that the Stonehenge stones have musical properties...

This gives a whole new meaning to rock music.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I caught a young woman throwing stones at my greenhouse. But I did not tell her off. Instead, I praised her.

She broke the glass ceiling.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.

She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RaiRules
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Which infinity stone controls music/sound?

The rolling stone

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TerlerSwerft
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Ironic how the one stone is smothering the other.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dis_newt02
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
So the Rolling Stones lead singer is planning to merge a fast food chain with a car manufacturer.

He's calling it McJaguar.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard stone cave paintings were done by children to piss off their parents ...

... so they are real. Cave trolls exist.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoTomArrow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
🚨︎ report
what animal flies and eats stones?

The flying stone eater.

The joke continues as my dad attempts to tell it to me each time but I ignore him completely now

πŸ‘︎ 246
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dronelisk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Was watching a NOVA documentary on Petra: the Lost City of Stone.

The intro ended with a question: How did the Nabataeans build this city of stone?

From the back of the room I hear my dad say: β€œclearly they built it on rock and roll”

sigh

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CLVN-RL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Never let Vikings near your stone countertops...

They'd just rune them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ottodidakt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
If rocks would have a ranking system, stones would be low.

To get higher, you'll have to be boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dieuwt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
🚨︎ report
The Rolling Stone’s jet hit a goose, killing the drummer and the bass player…

Killed two stones with one bird.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/comeonyea
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
It's common sense that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones

That's broken logic if you ask me

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
The Rolling Stones made a great sound...

Until they reached the bottom of the hill.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
My gf's dad told me he passed a kidney stone yesterday. This is the pic he took to show me.

https://imgur.com/gallery/QEMGB

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radastronaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I don't know why people hate kidney stones so much.

They only want to come in pees.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chemispe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Imitation stone counter tops are great...

...although I find most people take it for granite

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EntenEller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2013
🚨︎ report
Just found out today that I have a gall stone and my gall bladder my have to be removed

Guess it's gonna have to face the gallitone :( And de liver will have to deliver its functions. Also, I can now count this the longest relationship I've ever been in with a gallfriend.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/guyfromtheke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
One day my dad handed me a river stone...

... it was a pretty stone, well rounded and a smooth surface.

Dad: "This is a very special stone, you should give it to your girlfriend."

Me: "Um... OK, sure."

Dad: "Do you know what kind of stone this is?"

Me: "A river stone? No, not really..."

Dad: "They call it a 'Sex Stone'."

Me: Raises eyebrow "Oh?"

Dad: "Do you know why they call it that?"

Me: "Why?"

Dad: "Because it's just another fucking rock."

ΰ² _ΰ² 

Well, I still have it on my bookshelf, and she's now my wife, so sure.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StJimmysAddiction
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2014
🚨︎ report
The Rolling Stones were a fantastic band...

...but few people realize that when they weren't on tour they had a side job as muscologists.

They had an extensive collection of mosses.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm going to name my kidney stone Pluto...

I finally got it out of my system.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hanismyhomie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the man say when he finally past his kidney stone?

Urethra!!!

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frankenchokie666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
🚨︎ report
One kid wanted Dad to draw Bane... The other one wanted a turkey.. Decided to knock out two birds with one stone.. (X-post r/batman) imgur.com/VrlPxcE
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blinding-Light
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Grandma goes to Cold Stone

Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."

My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pennyrae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
🚨︎ report
The stone age was pretty rocky

But the era of clothing was just plain garb-age

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
🚨︎ report
When I was upset as a child, my Dad would always walk in my room, say this with a stone cold face, and then walk out.

Dad: Son I know you're upset. Know what my grandfather used to tell me when I was feeling this down?

Me: sniff What, Dad?

Dad: He would tell me, "Sonny, you stay here, I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandma."

....he also tells my friends this when they come over upset.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach50295
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
🚨︎ report
What ever happened to the man who failed as both a stone cutter and bounty hunter?

He could never find his quarry.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Cold Stone Steve Austin
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChuckZombie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2014
🚨︎ report
To the tiny organisms upon which the blue whale feeds, the whale appears to be a stone cold kriller.

No, that's it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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