I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
ποΈ 17k
π
οΈ Oct 17 2020
I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'
Until I fell into a printing press.
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Jan 09 2021
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Dec 15 2020
Fred Flintβs Stone
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Nov 17 2020
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
ποΈ 66
π
οΈ Sep 22 2020
I found a cool rock in my father-in-law's yard. FIL- Oh that's a native American fertility stone. Me- Really! How can you tell? FIL- ....
ποΈ 43
π
οΈ Oct 24 2020
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
Never mind, I will just skip that one.
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Oct 05 2020
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.'
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Oct 15 2020
What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?
You've made a grave mistake...
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Oct 20 2020
Emma Stone
ποΈ 29
π
οΈ Aug 08 2020
What is Stone Cold Steve Austinβs favourite gaming console?
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Sep 21 2020
This one went by cold with the rest of the chat. Stone-cold.
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Jul 27 2020
I always loved The Rolling Stones
ποΈ 71
π
οΈ Apr 29 2020
Iron man yielded infinity stones and after the snap, due to stonesβ immense power, he died!
Apparently, it turned out to not be his strong suit!
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Aug 23 2020
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
ποΈ 24
π
οΈ Jul 20 2020
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Aug 07 2020
Kidney stones?
ποΈ 40
π
οΈ May 19 2020
A stone thrown into a pond in 1990 has been wet for around 30 years.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ May 28 2020
Did you hear about the plant that looked like a stone?
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Jul 09 2020
I hired the Rolling Stone dercorators to style my room. They did a terrible job.
They just painted it black. I couldn't get no satisfaction with it.
My vision was light blue walls but I guess I always can't get what I want.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ May 28 2020
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ May 29 2020
Where are all the stone miners?
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ May 07 2020
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
ποΈ 27
π
οΈ Feb 10 2020
Johnson stone
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Nov 18 2019
You haven't got kidney stones, have you? Because that would mean urine trouble!
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Sep 17 2018
The blarney stone has lost its power
Now it's just a sham rock
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Mar 17 2020
Rolling Stones [OC]
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Dec 01 2019
Iβm two stone lighter this morning.
ποΈ 3k
π
οΈ Aug 12 2018
COLD STONE STEVE AUSTIN
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Nov 10 2019
What do you get when you paint stone light green?
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Apr 01 2020
I taught my kid speed reading and Iβm proud to say that he managed to finish βHarry Potter and the Philosopherβs Stoneβ in an hour and a half.
I know itβs only six words, but itβs a start.
ποΈ 3k
π
οΈ Sep 29 2018
Did you hear the one about the stone mason who was married to a con artist?
She took him for granite.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Mar 17 2020
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Nov 27 2019
I like to slap stone statues on their behind sometimes.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 18 2019
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
ποΈ 488
π
οΈ Nov 23 2018
A fish was swimming 'til when he saw a stone wall.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Feb 11 2020
It's impressive to have a lot of gall or a lot of stones, but if you have both you should probably see a doctor.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Oct 28 2019
Buns of... stone
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jul 02 2019
My wife bought a pumice foot stone the other day, but I made her return it.
I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.
ποΈ 29
π
οΈ Aug 29 2019
Stone cold
ποΈ 208
π
οΈ Jul 24 2018
Dr.Stone really had a Rocky Start.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Aug 25 2019
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said
Look whoβs grounded now, mom.
ποΈ 46
π
οΈ Jul 29 2019
I put a stone on my mattress
ποΈ 18
π
οΈ Oct 22 2019
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.
It is my jingle bell rock.
ποΈ 8k
π
οΈ Nov 22 2018
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
ποΈ 70
π
οΈ Oct 21 2019
I am teaching my kid speed reading and Iβm proud to say that he managed to finish βHarry Potter and the Philosopherβs Stoneβ in an hour and a half.
I know itβs only six words, but itβs a start.
ποΈ 20
π
οΈ Nov 26 2019
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