I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'
Until I fell into a printing press.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Fred Flintβs Stone
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
π︎ 66
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
I found a cool rock in my father-in-law's yard. FIL- Oh that's a native American fertility stone. Me- Really! How can you tell? FIL- ....
π︎ 43
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
Never mind, I will just skip that one.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.'
π︎ 17
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?
You've made a grave mistake...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Emma Stone
π︎ 29
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
What is Stone Cold Steve Austinβs favourite gaming console?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
This one went by cold with the rest of the chat. Stone-cold.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
I always loved The Rolling Stones
π︎ 71
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
Iron man yielded infinity stones and after the snap, due to stonesβ immense power, he died!
Apparently, it turned out to not be his strong suit!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
Kidney stones?
π︎ 40
π
︎ May 19 2020
A stone thrown into a pond in 1990 has been wet for around 30 years.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 28 2020
Did you hear about the plant that looked like a stone?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
I hired the Rolling Stone dercorators to style my room. They did a terrible job.
They just painted it black. I couldn't get no satisfaction with it.
My vision was light blue walls but I guess I always can't get what I want.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 28 2020
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 29 2020
Where are all the stone miners?
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 07 2020
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
π︎ 27
π
︎ Feb 10 2020
Johnson stone
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
You haven't got kidney stones, have you? Because that would mean urine trouble!
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 17 2018
The blarney stone has lost its power
Now it's just a sham rock
π︎ 17
π
︎ Mar 17 2020
Rolling Stones [OC]
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 01 2019
Iβm two stone lighter this morning.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Aug 12 2018
COLD STONE STEVE AUSTIN
π︎ 19
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
What do you get when you paint stone light green?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 01 2020
I taught my kid speed reading and Iβm proud to say that he managed to finish βHarry Potter and the Philosopherβs Stoneβ in an hour and a half.
I know itβs only six words, but itβs a start.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Sep 29 2018
Did you hear the one about the stone mason who was married to a con artist?
She took him for granite.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 17 2020
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 27 2019
I like to slap stone statues on their behind sometimes.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 18 2019
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
π︎ 488
π
︎ Nov 23 2018
A fish was swimming 'til when he saw a stone wall.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
It's impressive to have a lot of gall or a lot of stones, but if you have both you should probably see a doctor.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 28 2019
Buns of... stone
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 02 2019
My wife bought a pumice foot stone the other day, but I made her return it.
I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Aug 29 2019
Stone cold
π︎ 208
π
︎ Jul 24 2018
Dr.Stone really had a Rocky Start.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 25 2019
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said
Look whoβs grounded now, mom.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jul 29 2019
I put a stone on my mattress
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.
It is my jingle bell rock.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Nov 22 2018
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
I am teaching my kid speed reading and Iβm proud to say that he managed to finish βHarry Potter and the Philosopherβs Stoneβ in an hour and a half.
I know itβs only six words, but itβs a start.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 26 2019
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