I always loved The Rolling Stones
A stone thrown into a pond in 1990 has been wet for around 30 years.
I hired the Rolling Stone dercorators to style my room. They did a terrible job.
They just painted it black. I couldn't get no satisfaction with it.
My vision was light blue walls but I guess I always can't get what I want.
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?
Where are all the stone miners?
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
The blarney stone has lost its power
Now it's just a sham rock
What do you get when you paint stone light green?
Did you hear the one about the stone mason who was married to a con artist?
She took him for granite.
A fish was swimming 'til when he saw a stone wall.
I like to slap stone statues on their behind sometimes.
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
It's not just a small stone
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.
It is my jingle bell rock.
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
It's impressive to have a lot of gall or a lot of stones, but if you have both you should probably see a doctor.
You haven't got kidney stones, have you? Because that would mean urine trouble!
My friend plays classical music to his pet oysters, which he places stones within the soft tissue of their bivalves...
He makes cultured pearls.
I put a stone on my mattress
I’m two stone lighter this morning.
My wife bought a pumice foot stone the other day, but I made her return it.
I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.
Dr.Stone really had a Rocky Start.
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said
Look who’s grounded now, mom.
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
A Rolling Stone gathers no moss
They've invented a phone that's powered by infinity stones.
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
Nevermind, I'll just skip that one.
Stone Cold tells it like it is
I had a dream I had 1 infinity stone
Oh boy that was a power trip
What do you call someone who carves ducks out of stone?
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
What do you call a stone that's exactly 1.609 km wide?
Medical students dread the test on kidney stones.
It's the hardest one to pass.
What did Goliath do, after David slung a stone deep into the giants forehead?
I'd like these set in stone, please
You shouldn’t take things for Granite, because nothing is set in stone
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A Sham Rock!
Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
I met a really nice person yesterday. We talked while he cut and layered stones.
I like him. I think he is a mason.
My doctor told me I had kidney stones, but that I shouldn't worry, because...
Oh look it's the older model Stone laptop
Why did the stone leave?
He was taken for granite.
Did you hear about the dude who died from kidney stones?
Too many drinks on the rocks
We're up all night to get Stones...
Persephone asked Hades for dessert and in response he threw a stone at here and said
“Beatles or Stones?”, I asked my son.
“Why can’t we have something normal for dinner?”, he replied.
I don't know what happened, but this man looks a little stone-faced.
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what does it become?
When I found out that little sphere stones have gone missing,
What is it called when Thanos kills Gamora for an Infinity Stone?
What did the bladder say to the kidney stone?
What do you get when you squeeze a Pomeranian between two stones?
I became friends with a stone, and he drowned.
It was a shame, because I was very attached to him...
I read that the Stonehenge stones have musical properties...
This gives a whole new meaning to rock music.
I caught a young woman throwing stones at my greenhouse. But I did not tell her off. Instead, I praised her.
She broke the glass ceiling.
A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.
She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.
Which infinity stone controls music/sound?
Ironic how the one stone is smothering the other.
So the Rolling Stones lead singer is planning to merge a fast food chain with a car manufacturer.
He's calling it McJaguar.
I heard stone cave paintings were done by children to piss off their parents ...
... so they are real. Cave trolls exist.
what animal flies and eats stones?
The flying stone eater.
The joke continues as my dad attempts to tell it to me each time but I ignore him completely now
Was watching a NOVA documentary on Petra: the Lost City of Stone.
The intro ended with a question: How did the Nabataeans build this city of stone?
From the back of the room I hear my dad say:
“clearly they built it on rock and roll”
Never let Vikings near your stone countertops...
If rocks would have a ranking system, stones would be low.
To get higher, you'll have to be boulder.
The Rolling Stone’s jet hit a goose, killing the drummer and the bass player…
Killed two stones with one bird.
It's common sense that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
That's broken logic if you ask me
The Rolling Stones made a great sound...
Until they reached the bottom of the hill.
My gf's dad told me he passed a kidney stone yesterday. This is the pic he took to show me.
I don't know why people hate kidney stones so much.
They only want to come in pees.
Imitation stone counter tops are great...
...although I find most people take it for granite
Just found out today that I have a gall stone and my gall bladder my have to be removed
Guess it's gonna have to face the gallitone :(
And de liver will have to deliver its functions.
Also, I can now count this the longest relationship I've ever been in with a gallfriend.
One day my dad handed me a river stone...
... it was a pretty stone, well rounded and a smooth surface.
Dad: "This is a very special stone, you should give it to your girlfriend."
Me: "Um... OK, sure."
Dad: "Do you know what kind of stone this is?"
Me: "A river stone? No, not really..."
Dad: "They call it a 'Sex Stone'."
Me: Raises eyebrow "Oh?"
Dad: "Do you know why they call it that?"
Dad: "Because it's just another fucking rock."
Well, I still have it on my bookshelf, and she's now my wife, so sure.
The Rolling Stones were a fantastic band...
...but few people realize that when they weren't on tour they had a side job as muscologists.
They had an extensive collection of mosses.
I'm going to name my kidney stone Pluto...
I finally got it out of my system.
What did the man say when he finally past his kidney stone?
One kid wanted Dad to draw Bane... The other one wanted a turkey.. Decided to knock out two birds with one stone.. (X-post r/batman) imgur.com/VrlPxcE
Grandma goes to Cold Stone
Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."
My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."
The stone age was pretty rocky
But the era of clothing was just plain garb-age
When I was upset as a child, my Dad would always walk in my room, say this with a stone cold face, and then walk out.
Dad: Son I know you're upset. Know what my grandfather used to tell me when I was feeling this down?
Me: sniff What, Dad?
Dad: He would tell me, "Sonny, you stay here, I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandma."
....he also tells my friends this when they come over upset.
What ever happened to the man who failed as both a stone cutter and bounty hunter?
He could never find his quarry.
To the tiny organisms upon which the blue whale feeds, the whale appears to be a stone cold kriller.
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.