I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'
Until I fell into a printing press.
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
I found a cool rock in my father-in-law's yard. FIL- Oh that's a native American fertility stone. Me- Really! How can you tell? FIL- ....
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
Never mind, I will just skip that one.
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.'
What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?
You've made a grave mistake...
What is Stone Cold Steve Austin’s favourite gaming console?
This one went by cold with the rest of the chat. Stone-cold.
I always loved The Rolling Stones
Iron man yielded infinity stones and after the snap, due to stones’ immense power, he died!
Apparently, it turned out to not be his strong suit!
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach
A stone thrown into a pond in 1990 has been wet for around 30 years.
Did you hear about the plant that looked like a stone?
I hired the Rolling Stone dercorators to style my room. They did a terrible job.
They just painted it black. I couldn't get no satisfaction with it.
My vision was light blue walls but I guess I always can't get what I want.
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?
Where are all the stone miners?
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
You haven't got kidney stones, have you? Because that would mean urine trouble!
The blarney stone has lost its power
Now it's just a sham rock
I’m two stone lighter this morning.
What do you get when you paint stone light green?
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
Did you hear the one about the stone mason who was married to a con artist?
She took him for granite.
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
I like to slap stone statues on their behind sometimes.
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
A fish was swimming 'til when he saw a stone wall.
It's impressive to have a lot of gall or a lot of stones, but if you have both you should probably see a doctor.
Dr.Stone really had a Rocky Start.
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said
Look who’s grounded now, mom.
I put a stone on my mattress
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.
It is my jingle bell rock.
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
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