I tell myself take nothing for granite and be a little Boulder everyday.

My last name is Stone

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jjstone78
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Bob Dylan didn't seem surprised when a boulder fell off a mountain on top of his house.

He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"

Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder? Wife: ...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ovrwrkdundrpaid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a boulder rolling down a hill.

So I named it Rick

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jkwon6227
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did the boulder go to learn its arithmetic?

The School of Hard Rocks

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SparkyYes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Sisyphus met a neanderthal who amazed him by demonstrating how to use jet fuel to propel the boulder up the hill.

"It's not rock. It science."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Bob the Boulder [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pununciation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Tree: Hey, Boulder, what do you think I should be when I grow up? Boulder: You would make a wonderful bedroom furniture set.

Tree: Yes. Yes I wood. Thanks Boulder, you rock.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the geologist say when he found a 69 pound metamorphic boulder?

β€œGneiss.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snaz5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw Ice Cube jump onto Dwayne Johnson when he was lifting a 150kg boulder.

One could say he was on the rocks

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PanPitza
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a plan to lift a boulder up a slope.

It was working out pretty well, but then it went downhill.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NINJAQKk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
When the gubernatorial candidate was killed by a boulder, his only opponent won the election by a landslide.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I was thinking of a joke about Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill, but then it lost momentum.

But it still has potential.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
How amazing is that scene in The Last Jedi where Rey makes the boulders float..

CGI Rocks!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesaket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
If you slap Dwayne Johnsons butt

You officially hit rock bottom

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The village under the sea

Long ago there was a village under the sea. In that village lived a collection of fish, lot's of different kinds, along with Ted the strong octopus, and they all lived happily. Near the village, there was a cave whose entrance was blocked by a large stone, and above it, there was an inscription saying β€œWhen real danger arrives, open the cave, and you will all be saved”.

One day the village was attacked by a shoal of piranhas. The fish rush to the cave and try to push the boulder aside, but it is too large for them, so they go to Ted the strong octopus to ask for help, but Ted says β€œNo, this danger is not big enough for us to need the cave, we will be fine without it.”. The fish begged and argued, but there was no convincing Ted, so they had to fight the piranhas without whatever was in the cave, and against all odds, they managed to defeat them with minimal losses, and all agreed that Ted was right.

After a fair bit of time, the village was attacked again by a bed of moray eels. Again the fish rushed to the cave to try to push the boulder aside, and again they failed, for it was too large for them, so they rush to Ted to ask for help. β€œNo,” Ted said again β€œthis danger is not as big as you think it is. We will manage just fine without the contents of the cave. Leave that for a bigger threat.”. And so the fish asked and begged, Ted, told them that all 8 of his hands were tied, he wouldn't help with moving the boulder, so they ended up fighting the morays, and to everyone's surprise, they actually managed to save the village. All again reluctantly agreed that although a deus ex machina would have been good, they didn't end up needing one.

Time passed and life was normal in the village until a Shiver of Sharks was spotted in the distance. Everyone panicked, and, knowing that they couldn't move the boulder alone, they rushed to Ted. β€œAgain, the danger is not big enough, we will survive,” said Ted, and no matter what they did they couldn't change his mind, so they all rushed to the boulder in a desperate attempt to move it. As they were giving up, a very old fish that everyone trusted said β€œDo not worry, for Ted is wise, and he knows when the danger is real, and he knows when to use the contents of the cave. Have faith that if he says we will be fine, we will survive this, and when octopush comes to shove, the cave will open.”.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilopsaros
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What was the shy pebbles' greatest aspiration?

To be a little boulder

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Becoming a rock star…

…might make you feel boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
It's the pilot's fault.

See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmac0585
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the wimpy rock?

Fortunately, he got boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndGall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Marry her faster
πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobMash11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
That's a good one
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.

It helps me speak boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Rock climbing isn't for me

I just can't get the hang of it. Maybe if I was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the pebble cross the road

It wanted to be a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reteperator
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Best rock puns?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacey-spice
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking through a quarry…

I said to the foreman, β€œThat sure is a big rock!”

β€œBoulder,” he corrected me.

So I stuck out my chest andΒ shouted,Β β€œTHAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!”

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I think I'm going to open a store that sells rocks...

When we have special promotions, I can make a commercial on the radio that says "don't take this shale for granite!"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mkay1911
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
🚨︎ report
What happens when your pet rock has a birthday?

It gets a year bolder....

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meatbag_289
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I greeted my neighbor who was a chain smoker today....

I said to him, good morning your "Highness".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetty_Boy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Ice climbing is like rock climbing but cooler
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kalen4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Rock-climbing is not for the timid. In fact, merely being a little brave is not enough.

You need to be boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avatar_ZW
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What rock group has 4 men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshuaC09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...

But having a giant rock is boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hailiar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krystx57
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shy pebble wish?

That she was a little boulder!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/starshine531
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
I started working at a quarry

I said to the foreman, β€œThat sure is a big rock!” β€œBoulder.” So I stuck out my chest andΒ shouted,Β β€œTHAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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