Glass bottle recycling truck in my home town
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
The graveyard near my town is really crowded...
People are just dying to get in
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
Now it can offer a whole lot more.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
1986, The Chernobyl reactor exploded, releasing a bright, radioactive beam into the sky. People in towns away stared at it in awe.
They must've thought that it was pretty rad
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
What do you call a weird guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...
Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Our local priest rides around our town on a motorbike all day.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
My son is going to college in a town in Iowa...
He Ames to get a good education.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
Did you hear about the locksmith convention coming to town?
I hear they've got the keynote speaker locked up.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
The ad said the Hulk is coming to town.
I read it on the Bruce Banner.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
I found myself bereft at the chaos that run through the winding streets of China town. The horror
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
Thereβs an abandoned French bakery in my town
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
What town do peppers come from?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
All the Indian bakeries in my town shut down because of Covid.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
My girlfriend asked me to feed her anaconda hotdogs while she is out of town. I did, but it wouldnβt touch them. Confused, I called her and asked why
She said: βMy anaconda donβt want none unless it has buns, hunβ
π︎ 22
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
I was driving with my dad through a town we hadn't been through.
At a point he turned to me and said "we're near the dead center of this town."
"What makes you think that?"
He points past me and I turn to see a sign for the city cemetery.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
My friend knows just who he can trust in the seedy part of town to get him safe candy and sweets...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
This old dystopian town has no police or humour.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
A baker in my town accidentally fell inside a truck full of French bread.
π︎ 128
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
I bought myself a Mini Cooper and painted the letter "S" all over it. When I drive around town...
everyone says look at that little "S" car go!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Which town got built the fastest?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
I own a fake town which is actually a horror theme park and I only let a few people in at a time to keep demand and prices high.
It's called artificial scare-city
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
Thereβs a running joke around this town...
Hopefully someone catches it.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"
"No" he said, "It kills them"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donβt.β And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canβt be buried here.β I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyβre still alive!"
π︎ 86
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited.
When she passed away I fulfilled my promise.
Sheβs dead and berried.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
WHY DOES IT STINK IN PENNYWISE'S HOME TOWN?
Because of the Derry Air...
My 15 year old just came up with this one....be kind.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
Apparently a town in South Wales is having greater lockdown restrictions imposed on it....
.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
There is a guy stealing Iphones around town
He is probably going to face time
π︎ 365
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
There's a nutcase going around our town stabbing people with knitting needles.
Twelve individuals have been attacked in the last 48 hours.
The Police have announced that the attacker could be following some kind of pattern
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
Apparently someone in my town has been stealing the wheels off police cars
Theyβve been working tirelessly to find him
π︎ 98
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
The guy running my town is awful. He doesnβt respond to phone calls because he only works after dark.
Heβs a total night mayor.
π︎ 62
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
A mime in my town was arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 142
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 09 2019
In my town they arrested a mime that got into a bar fight and broke his left arm...
He still has the right to remain silent...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 29 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
