They're building a mirror factory in my town.
I could definitely see myself working there.
Just seen that there's a nudist convention on in town next week....
...I might go if I've got nothing on
1986, The Chernobyl reactor exploded, releasing a bright, radioactive beam into the sky. People in towns away stared at it in awe.
They must've thought that it was pretty rad
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...
Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'
Our local priest rides around our town on a motorbike all day.
My son is going to college in a town in Iowa...
He Ames to get a good education.
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
I was driving with my dad through a town we hadn't been through.
At a point he turned to me and said "we're near the dead center of this town."
"What makes you think that?"
He points past me and I turn to see a sign for the city cemetery.
A baker in my town accidentally fell inside a truck full of French bread.
I own a fake town which is actually a horror theme park and I only let a few people in at a time to keep demand and prices high.
It's called artificial scare-city
There’s a running joke around this town...
Hopefully someone catches it.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"
"No" he said, "It kills them"
There is a guy stealing Iphones around town
He is probably going to face time
Apparently a town in South Wales is having greater lockdown restrictions imposed on it....
.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.
While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
There's a nutcase going around our town stabbing people with knitting needles.
Twelve individuals have been attacked in the last 48 hours.
The Police have announced that the attacker could be following some kind of pattern
Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
What's a lawyer's favorite town?
I was driving around town when I saw that a big bargain sale was going on in my favorite store.
I instantly stopped the car and entered the store.
Unfortunately for me, a cop saw me doing this and arrested me on the spot.
He charged me with braking and entering.
A Viking explorer came home to find his name removed from the town register. When his wife complained, the chief apologized and said,
“I must have taken Lief off my census”.
There's a town named Phenix in Alabama - they couldn't afford to pay for another vowel.
Turns out they don't accept I O U's.
I've been invited to a Halloween fancy dress party in town.
To brighten things up a bit, I'll be going as The Sun.
The town I’m from just completed dredging a new river that’s going to make travel a lot easier. They’re having a feast to celebrate! It’s going to be called...
Earlier today I was working on a new house in town...
I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the next day, and they were all gone. I decided to speak to the contractor, and when I told him about the posts, he said “Oh, yeah. There’s tons of reposting on this site.”
Due to the lockdown, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff in my town.
Novelty exit signs are quite a rage in my town these days.
But I think they are on the way out.
There is a new autopsy club in town and last night it was packed.
In the old Wild West there was a notorious gang of dangerous outlaws, they’d just attacked a town.
The sheriff decided that he needed to stop them so he rounded up his deputies and they rode out in search of the gang.
After a couple of days everyone was tired and hungry so one of the deputies rode up to sheriff and said “Look sheriff we are all too tired, why don’t you guys rest up here and I’ll ride 4 miles north and two miles east and see if I can’t find us some grub?, I’ll be back by morning”
The sheriff agrees and off the deputy rides 4 miles north and two miles east.
The next morning the deputy returns with all his packs full of bacon! The sheriff says “where the hell did you get all that bacon out here in the middle of nowhere!”
Deputy says “well you see sheriff I rode 4 miles north and 2 miles east and I swear to god there’s this bacon tree just sitting there! A tree that is full of bacon!”
“Bullshit!” Says the sheriff “you stay here I’m going to check this out!”
So off the sheriff rides the same as the deputy did.
The next morning the deputy see’s the sheriff crawling towards the camp with arrows sticking out of his back.
Deputy says to the sheriff “ Boss what the hell happened!”
The sheriff looks up from the ground and says “BACON TREE, BACON TREE, that wasn’t a damn bacon tree you idiot it was a Hambush!”
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:
'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'
I've just seen a traffic accident in town, a police car crashed into a fire engine.
I was going to call for an ambulance, but that might've been asking for trouble.
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
I was walking through town with my wife one day when she pointed out a man dressed like a tree selling $1 hard-boiled eggs,
She said "What's he doing? Is this normal??? It isn't even Easter".
I said "Oh him? That's Egg-Sell-Ent"
My wife took a vacation day to carry her pet lizard around town in her handbag...
It's a purse anole day for her.
Credit: Brevity by Dan Thompson for May 02, 2020
There’s a new mirror factory in town!
I can see myself working there
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A mime in my town was arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
In my town they arrested a mime that got into a bar fight and broke his left arm...
He still has the right to remain silent...
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
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