The village under the sea

Long ago there was a village under the sea. In that village lived a collection of fish, lot's of different kinds, along with Ted the strong octopus, and they all lived happily. Near the village, there was a cave whose entrance was blocked by a large stone, and above it, there was an inscription saying β€œWhen real danger arrives, open the cave, and you will all be saved”.

One day the village was attacked by a shoal of piranhas. The fish rush to the cave and try to push the boulder aside, but it is too large for them, so they go to Ted the strong octopus to ask for help, but Ted says β€œNo, this danger is not big enough for us to need the cave, we will be fine without it.”. The fish begged and argued, but there was no convincing Ted, so they had to fight the piranhas without whatever was in the cave, and against all odds, they managed to defeat them with minimal losses, and all agreed that Ted was right.

After a fair bit of time, the village was attacked again by a bed of moray eels. Again the fish rushed to the cave to try to push the boulder aside, and again they failed, for it was too large for them, so they rush to Ted to ask for help. β€œNo,” Ted said again β€œthis danger is not as big as you think it is. We will manage just fine without the contents of the cave. Leave that for a bigger threat.”. And so the fish asked and begged, Ted, told them that all 8 of his hands were tied, he wouldn't help with moving the boulder, so they ended up fighting the morays, and to everyone's surprise, they actually managed to save the village. All again reluctantly agreed that although a deus ex machina would have been good, they didn't end up needing one.

Time passed and life was normal in the village until a Shiver of Sharks was spotted in the distance. Everyone panicked, and, knowing that they couldn't move the boulder alone, they rushed to Ted. β€œAgain, the danger is not big enough, we will survive,” said Ted, and no matter what they did they couldn't change his mind, so they all rushed to the boulder in a desperate attempt to move it. As they were giving up, a very old fish that everyone trusted said β€œDo not worry, for Ted is wise, and he knows when the danger is real, and he knows when to use the contents of the cave. Have faith that if he says we will be fine, we will survive this, and when octopush comes to shove, the cave will open.”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilopsaros
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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The Franciscan priest left the monastery to start a flower shop, but before he could open, a flock of sheep in the village got loose and trampled him to death.

Only ewes can prevent florist friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silverjaydog
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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The Village People are getting ready to host a party.

Nacho, nacho plan... they've gotta make a nacho plan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...

I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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of COURSE hp lovecraft chose a fishing village for a setting (innsmouth)

...the deep ones are also called the many-anglered ones, after all ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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Archeologists will be digging for a lost village near my home. I hope they find some signs of life.

Remains to be seen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Its_J_Just_J
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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What do you call the village where Hobbits live that isn’t as good as the Shire but they make really good sloppy joes?

Worcestershire

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinygluesticks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.

After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...

"You reap what you saw".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiSatthar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.

I think that’s a bit far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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This village on the way to Kazbegi, Georgia.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaRoma
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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What do you call a village of werewolves?

A lycan thorp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Falkynbird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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A monster terrorized a village

He kept doing it ogre and ogre again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsyaboilmaoooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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What did the Beastie Boys fan say when their idol Adam Yauch asked them what their favourite Village People song was?

"Why, MCA?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vulfneck
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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I live in a really horrible nasty village in between D Vil and F Vil

It's E Vil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanpaa
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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I hired Emcee Adam Yauch for my kid’s birthday party but all he did was play the same Village People song over and over again.

WHYYYY MCA!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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A Rabbi paid a visit to the village of "Trid," where they were being relentlessly kicked by an angry troll. The troll completely avoided the Rabbi, kicking only the locals. He finally approached the troll, and asked why.

The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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I heard a news story about a village where the citizens were dying of thirst,

I hope they get well soon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvaHorsie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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Two vampire bats in a cave, one goes out in search of fresh blood in the local village, and comes back with a face covered in red blood. His friend says "what did you eat to get all that?" The first bat replies:

"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/palpameme_66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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Two thieves stole all of the roof tiles from the village church...

It was a separation of church and slate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KZedUK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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It takes an entire village to raise a single child

however, it only takes one pyromaniac child to raze an entire village

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoTheHoe2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
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There once was a boy that threatened the village

"I will blow up your water place!" He meant well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_press_keys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2015
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It takes a village to raise a child...

But only a child to raze a village.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xypok
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2015
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