They're building a mirror factory in my town
I could see myself working there.
Have you heard about the guy going around different towns and jabbing people with knitting needles?
Police believe he is following some sort of pattern
What did Darth Vader say when his car broke down 3 miles outside of town?
Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year I'm just hoping..
..that I can pull it off.
A new Egyptian undertakers have opened up in town. Their motto....
"Satisfaction Guaranteed....Or Your Mummy Back."
The all vegetable circus came to town yesterday.
I hear their clown act is corny.
A Little Town In Mexico And Their Love Of Mayonnaise
There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. They’d have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldn’t get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as “Sinko De Mayo.”
You'd be hard-pressed to find good cider in this town.
There is a new restaurant in town called Karma
They don't have menus, you get what you deserve.
A new restaurant opened in my town called The Moon
The food is terrific but there's no atmosphere.
How does Spiderman get around town?
Peter Parkour
(credit so-ironic-ifunny)
My son asked me where the tallest building in town was...
I said, "Its the library! It has thousands of stories!"
I learned something new about cemeteries; the people in its town aren't the ones being buried there. Do you know why?
It's because they're still alive.
Ole and Lena were driving home from town when Ole hit a momma skunk and managed to miss her 3 babies.
Lena could not leave them on the side of the road so they scooped the babies up and put them in the car. As they drove the baby skunks managed to make their way from the floor up Lena's dress and settled on her lap. Lena looked at Ole and said "the skunks are under my dress". Ole said "Zat's OK dear zey are settled down". Lena said "Vhat about the smell?". Ole said, "Oh, don't worry dear they will get used to it!"
Today, on the news, there was an incident in my town where a city bus lost control and landed on top of a house. No one was killed and the city is paying all passengers.
I guess you can say the bus ride was on the house.
I announced that I was leaving town to go watch Moana
they don’t know how far I’ll go
Three of the Teletubbies went shopping at the most expensive department store in town.
The fourth couldn’t afford to because she was Po.
I can't recycle a broken window with regular glass bottles in my town.
The folks who live in my town aren’t allowed to be buried in the old cemetery on the edge of town.
Mostly because they’re not dead yet.
There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.
The Police believe they’re still at large.
My town just set the record for the longest line fighting each other
You could see the punch line coming from a mile away
The graveyard near my town is really crowded...
People are just dying to get in
Just seen that there's a nudist convention on in town next week....
...I might go if I've got nothing on
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
Now it can offer a whole lot more.
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...
Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'
1986, The Chernobyl reactor exploded, releasing a bright, radioactive beam into the sky. People in towns away stared at it in awe.
They must've thought that it was pretty rad
I saw my mate earlier in town. He only has one arm.
"Where are you off to?" I shouted.
"To change a light bulb" he said.
"Erm, isn't that going to be difficult?" I said.
"Naah", he said. "I still have the receipt."
The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.
Our local priest rides around our town on a motorbike all day.
Did you hear about the locksmith convention coming to town?
I hear they've got the keynote speaker locked up.
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
My son is going to college in a town in Iowa...
He Ames to get a good education.
All the Indian bakeries in my town shut down because of Covid.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
The ad said the Hulk is coming to town.
I read it on the Bruce Banner.
I found myself bereft at the chaos that run through the winding streets of China town. The horror
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited.
When she passed away I fulfilled my promise.
She’s dead and berried.
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
What town do peppers come from?
A baker in my town accidentally fell inside a truck full of French bread.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
There’s an abandoned French bakery in my town
They're building a mirror factory in my town.
I could definitely see myself working there.
There’s a new mirror factory in town!
I can see myself working there
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
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