One of my favorite ornaments.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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The pink plastic birds, popular as lawn ornaments in Florida.....

are they called, "Placebo Flamingos"?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSEiGuy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
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Why did the ornament go to rehab after Christmas?

It was hooked on trees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oscarwood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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I accidentally dropped a lawn ornament and broke it. Thankfully I fixed it

Now I’m a NecGnomancer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piratecheese13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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My Christmas Tree has been through several wars, I can only place ornaments on the top of it now.

It is very highly decorated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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What is it called when your lack of protection causes ornaments to break in their boxes?

T’ issue paper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuitarGusto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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What do you call an ornament on a Christmas tree that is all by itself?

The Decoration of Independence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
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What’s the diagnosis after swallowing too many Christmas ornaments?

Tinselitis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thumpingplum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
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Ornament I got for my wife on our 10th anniversary
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatholicGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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My dad tells me how I should put ornaments on my Christmas tree

Dad: "So is your tree going to be facing a wall?"

Me: "Yeah, a wall and a window"

D: "Put all your ornaments on the side facing the wall..."

M: "Go on."

D: "Then, you can tell all your friends that you have a balls to the wall Christmas tree."

D: giggles in success

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P0siden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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Dad got my sister this one while hanging ornaments

"I was at a chess convention and the people were really annoying. They kept gloating about their achievements. I realized I was with chess nuts gloating in an open foyer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFrodo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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I was told to write whatever you want on the ornament

http://i.imgur.com/VYE7sKx.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nevergreen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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What do a Christmas tree and a Vasectomy have in common?

The balls are only ornamental!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nightwing42081
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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What’s a unicorn in a Christmas tree called?

A unicornament!

This was said last night in Target when we were getting ornaments. Boyfriend joke. It was a hit with the smalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdgirl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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[Request] A x-mas themed pun about slag/smelting

Context: My brother made a forge this summer and mom kept the slag from his first firing. She's using it in a x-mas ornament present for him and we can't think of anything witty to write on it. If anyone can think of a good one, we'd love to hear it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xattle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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My son just put a small toy plane on the tree

And then said "it's just a plain ornament. Get it? Because it doesn't have decoration but it's also a plane". I was pretty proud

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
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Hey dad, it's a strawberry tree!

The kids need shoes so we all get dragged to the store. The Christmas trees (already! for crying ou...) in the kids section has got "homemade" ornaments like these.

http://imgur.com/a/CTEuA

My oldest comes up to me and says "Hey daddy, it's a strawberry tree." and I'm like "Strawberry? come on, a blueberry tree at least." and then he goes "No, a STRAWberry, geddit, STRAWberry."

Yes, son. Wipes tear Yes I do geddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketplex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
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SO got me today while decorating the Christmas tree

(He hands me an ornament of a small teddy bear in overalls) Me: where should I put this one? Him: how about right there? Me: yeah, that would be good Him: yeah that spot just looked a little bare Me: (looks at the little bear in my hand)(laughs uncontrollably for several minutes while daughter stares at us)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/horseholio
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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Dadjoked my friends at a house party.

My friend was having a house party with about 15-20 of our group of friends. The music was pumping everyone was drunk , hyper and we were all in her living room having a great time. On top of the fireplace was this little elephant ornament.

So I gathered everyone around, turned the music off and made a big deal of making it seem like I had something really important to say. I completely killed the mood but all in the name of a good joke, amiright? I say, with as straight a face as I can manage, "Listen, I know we're all friends here but I think its time we all talk about the elephant in the room... It's right over there on the fireplace".

Cue groans and a few laughs. Mostly groans though... So worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/googitygig
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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Just hit my girlfriend with one.

We had just finished setting up the tree, and she went through the ornaments picking out the ones she liked so I just went and sat on the couch.

While digging through the ornaments she came across a Nativity Scene ornament and exclaimed "Oh no! Jesus is missing!" to which I replied "Don't worry, just check again in three days."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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More of a grandpa joke

My grandparents on my dad's side would always have my brother and I over for Christmas when we were younger (around when I was 5-10 and my brother was 9-14). They always had a little tree in addition to their big one. The small tree had a bunch of those stereotypical ornaments (round, plain, solid color) in a bunch of different colors. My brother and I would always have fun counting the number of a specific color of ornament separately, then comparing our answers. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again!

Anyway, just this last year (me being 18, my brother being 22), we reminded our grandfather of this. He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? I'll tell you if you're right."

We agreed, and got to it. We each counted 3 times separately, then compared, then decided to average them. We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMS450
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
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My dad has embraced his Christmas spirit.

Mom hangs up ornament on tree different ornament falls Mom: "My god this was not hung properly!" Dad: "Well at least I'm hung properly"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/analmintz1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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So, I made my co-worker walk out the room.

Today at work, my co-worker and I are decorating the group home we are working in for Christmas. As she finishes decorating the tree, she asks;

Her: The tree looks nice. I don't want to put the rest of the ornaments on it though, cause it'll look clutter. What should we do?

Me: Well... we can always deck the halls?

Followed by lots of laughing while she face palmed and walked out the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mythical_Lies
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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