What do pastafarians say after saying grace?

Ramen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrTomatoHead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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What do you call the first Ant to grace the Earth who can't be persuaded to Sin?

Adamant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLearningUstaad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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And all the vegetables gathered around the meal that lay before them and decided to say grace..

Lettuce pray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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How does a vegan begin grace before meals?

Lettuce pray

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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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How does a vegan begin grace before a meal?

Lettuce pray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Grace Park says she's done sci-fi before...

OK Boomer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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My local church recently held a masquerade themed dinner and whilst the priest was saying grace I suddenly realised...

It was a blessing in disguise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nonresidentialdot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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Got this for my Valentines card (for context my name has Grace in it)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Name99998965
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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We decided to keep it a secret that we were naming our daughter Grace, so no one but my wife me heard me say, "Hail Cheri, full of Grace"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchy987
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.

In fact, there is still no e-quill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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In honor of Grace Hopper's 107th birthday, here is the first ever computer bug
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anthony81212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2013
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Quiet down kids, I'm going to say grace.

Grace

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashdagBlast
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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Sitting down for dinner when my dad asks "Should we say grace now or later?"

Mom: "Now, before we eat."

Dad: "Okay. 'Grace.'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tomomom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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Would you like to say grace?

Right before our families thanksgiving dinner I asked my dad, "being the head of the table, would you like to say grace?"

My Dad: "grace"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
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Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastπŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Why do waiters like people who fall over gracefully?

Because they tip well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LMB2001
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...

They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the world are you doing that?!"

The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Aging gracefully

is just a nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Just one minute ago, this one graced my ears

I was talking with my mom about books. I said I rarely read fiction, if I would want fiction's, I'd watch a movie or play a videogame. My mom said she only likes biographies, but "not the ones by different authors, but by the subjects themselves". To which I said:

"You mean autobiographies?"

When my father decided to chime in the topic:

"I'd rather read bicyclebiographies"

me: "what do you mean?"

him: "the opposite".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FelixR1991
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
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I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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This dadjoke gracefully emerged from its cocoon...

I mention that my friend's parents are engineers at Caterpillar.

Dad: If they work there for a while, maybe they will finally get promoted to work at Butterfly!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guess_my_password
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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If you guys are gonna tell a joke, tell the whole thing. Did you hear about the Italian chef?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.

it was a farfalle from grace.

Edit: Whoa! Woke up to so many upvotes! Thank you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alftrazign
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card

It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,

About Six-tea years to date,

Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,

her cupious amazing traits

Her balanced demeanour

Her Kindness and (earl) grace,

rooibost sense of humour,

too many to name in this teany space,

to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,

let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,

While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,

It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurlonreddit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Looking for punny D&D NPC names!

So far i’ve got: Robin Banks, Ben Dover, Tera Dachtyl, Brock Lee, Justin Tyme, Hit M Hart, Claire Rigg, Al E Gator, Arty Fishel, Dinah Might, Rea Lystic, Grace Full, Tsui Saidel and Faith Truman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zappertap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Joke from an 11yr old

I had a conversation with my friend Grace (11yr) today.

G: EGOfoodie, what are you going to eat on your flight to Minnesota. Me: thinks about it Well... G: A plane bagel?

This kid is going places.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EGOfoodie
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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Pythagoras the explorer (long)

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just weren’t any other hides available for her so she took what she could get.

Many years later when he returned to the same village, he encountered the first woman and asked about her child. Was he as strong as a bear? She pointed him out and sure enough, her son was busy ripping a stump out of the ground with his hands, as strong as a bear! Amazed, he sought out the second woman, who pointed out her son, running through a field at great speed, as graceful and agile as a deer! Intrigued to say the least, Pythagoras sought the third woman. She pointed out her son, and he didn’t believe his eyes - he was both as strong as a bear and as graceful as a deer; a mountain of a man with grace and poise.

He wrote in his now-famous travel journal his amazing discovery; that the sons of the squaws on the two smaller hides are equal to that of the squaw on the hippopotamus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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My band teacher didn’t show up the last 3 days of the school.

I guess you can say it was Three Days Grace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfalconssbb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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Whst fo you call a boomerang thst doesn't come back?

A stick.

Old dude I was holding the open for at the bank graced me with that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacogratis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
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Why did Boba Fett get himself a pogo stick?

Cuz' he wanted to be a Bouncy Hunter!

^^^Please ^^^^don't ^^^^^hurt ^^^^^^me.

^^^^^^^I ^^^^^^^stole ^^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^from ^^^^^^Tear ^^^^^^of ^^^^^^Grace

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuzzledKitty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
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A plan for my (really loose) recreation Romeo and Juliet set in colonial Australia.
  1. Grace, an Aboriginal woman falls in love with a convict called Ed.

  2. Grace's brother, Wilangorga ( commonly known as William) is known for his anger and hate for the English.

  3. That does not stop Grace seeing Ed any time possible.

  4. One night William is out hunting near the town and sees Ed and Grace together

  5. Caught off guard , He tries to scare Ed away so William Shakes Spear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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Which member of the Foot family did dad ask to say the dinner prayer?

Topher Grace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derivedintegral
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
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If someone takes your boot and doesn't give it back, it's not a souvenir.

It's a boutonniere. My mom's boyfriend graced me with this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danfordnikk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
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The Fault in Our Stars nailed us with a Dad Joke in the first half an hour.

Augustus Waters to his parents: "Hey guys, this is Hazel Grace."

Hazel: "Hi, it's just Hazel."

Mr. Waters: "Hi, Just Hazel!"

He had this awesome shit-eating/dad joke smile on his face it was perfct.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/badassspaceman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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My daughter is going to be a great dad someday.

Wife: "we need to start saying grace before dinner."

Daughter: "grace."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yuckiestzebra
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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Dadjoked by my 87-year-old grandpa

My 87-year-old grandpa is very hard of hearing and usually takes just a little longer to process thoughts than most people. But he was on top of his game tonight at dinner.

My mom: "Alright, let's say a little grace."

The moment that my mom finished saying the word "grace," my grandpa said, "A little grace."

I guess after being a dad for over 50 years, the jokes come quicker than normal speech. Hopefully, one day I, too, will reach this mastery of the art of dadjoking.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2014
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Not even a dad but got the girlfriend before dinner

Girlfriend: Shall we say grace?

Me: Grace

[insert eye rolling here]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wdb94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2015
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A dad in a book

I'm reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green ( /u/thesoundandthefury ) and in this book a girl visits a boys house. The boy introduces her as 'Hazel Grace'. She then answers 'Just Hazel'.

The next time she comes over, the dad answers the door and says 'Just Hazel, nice to see you'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasberends
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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Sometimes, I'm the butt of the joke.

We were walking around Home Depot and I tripped over a mop that had fallen, which brought down some items near me. Naturally, everyone within the vicinity looked at me and at this moment, my mother's boyfriend says: "Just call her 'Grace'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhoneyno_
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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Regarding the museum.

As my dad was driving me to college we saw a sign called the Havre De Grace Decoy Museum. My dad asks me, "If that is the decoy museum, where is the real one?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moozie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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My dad on the phrase of "getting around to it"

My parents were down in Florida for the week, so I had the house to myself and the following conversation occurred when they came home today.

Dad: Did you vacuum at all?

Me: I was, but just didn't get around to it.

Dad: You know I have some of those in my office.

Me: What?

Dad: Round to its, it is a piece of wood that is round and has the words To It on it. A round to it.

Only been home 10 minutes and was graced with this beauty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dman026
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
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The time my Dad went above and beyond the call of duty, at a formal dinner party

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolloxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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Damn it, Dad...

I was eating a quick bite before heading out of town after a visit, and Dad graced me with this one out of the blue:

"You know, I told your mother once that I had never taken a laxative..."

"..."

"...She said I was full of shit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobSpewack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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