Holy guacamole.
A benedictionary
a low ha
That's why its holey.
I gave them away...I hate religious nuts.
It was a Toto failure. 🤦🏻♂️
Instead of the typical "last year" jokes after midnight, he completely confused my mom by talking about "last month."
"We brought those over last month."
...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
I love my Christian Heavy Metal.
Holy sheet
It’s the friends you make along the whey.
A shoe..
It was a blessing in disguise.
She had lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found. When god blesses you, you must bless others.
Taken from dad jokes
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference...
He ate too much pi.
Holy smokes!
I bless the reins down in Africa...
Well, from what I know about Vampires, Holy Water can kill them, and from what I've heard they bless the rains down in Africa.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
"Honey, it’s the little things that count!"
Bless you your sinus
It's spirit-chilli ready to eat
That's the year that Toto blessed the rains there.
Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you.
He was a blessing in disguise
It was a Toto failure.
A shoe.
