Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
i don’t have ADHD i swear
i took a test for it, i didn’t finish it, i got too bored but still
I swear, I put it down right over there!
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
How does a chicken swear?
New medication created. Reduces swelling but makes you swear.
Germany was neutral I swear
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
Man, I swear something is wrong with my left hand.
It never does anything right.
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of ringing.
He is in for a rude awakening.
This isn't like last time, I swear
Girl, when a guy swears he doesn't need to wear a condom, don't fall for it...
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What do you call a mouse that swears?
I swear I ordered the sirloin, yet they brought me a t- bone
Apparently I have been mistaken.
I swear the pigeons in my area are plotting to overthrow the neighbourhood watch.
Im not addicted to brake fluid, I swear!
I specialize in the study of swear words from the 1800s...
I swear I just thought of a new color
Or maybe it was just a pigment of my imagination
I swear, one more pun
And I'll go to the house of the guy who posted the pun and punch him
I swear, I'm gonna get the Secret to Immortality...
Native American naming conventions (contains a swear word)
My dad used to tell me this one growing up:
>Native American child is with his father. He looks up at him and says "Dad, how did you figure out what to name us when we were born?"
>
>The dad responds "Son, it's easy: I just looked around nature and what I saw is what I named you. Your sister, Flying-Eagle, for instance, was born while an eagle flew overhead. Your brother was named Roaming-Buffalo for a similar reason. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"
Why do chickens not swear?
Because the hate fowl language.
Why doesn't Oedipus swear?
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth
I swear I can't take no more shit from anybody
My dad, I swear to god
My younger sister was throwing one of her teenage tantrums, and she shouts at my dad, "Well sorry for being born!"
My dad looks her in the eye and says, "it's all right, just don't do it again."
I swear to god . .
That's why I won't be allowed in heaven
If a mute kid swears.
Does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Did you know that birds swear the most of any animal
Her: *screaming* "I swear if you make one more dad joke I'm leaving."
Me: smirking "Hi leaving I'm dad"
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.
It’s currently half empty.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
What do you call a mouse that swears?
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.
it's currently half empty
For his upcoming birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that would swear at him instead of ringing.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.
She’s in for a rude awakening.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.
She’s in for a ride awakening.
For Christmas, I’m getting my kids an alarm clock that swears at them instead of ringing.
They are in for a rude awakening.
What do you call a mouse that swears
Instead of a swear jar I have a pessimism jar, every time I have a negative thought I put a coin in.
It’s currently half empty
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...
It’s currently half empty...
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was a rude awakening.
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