A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

πŸ‘︎ 734
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomCanBe
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
What’s a bank robbers favorite restaurant chain?

In&Out

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank...

The rabbit says, β€œI think I might be type o.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jigglytep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
The bank man asked me my birthday. I said April 17. He said "Yes, What year?"

I said, "Every year"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDCanuck
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
What did the Reddit user say after detonating a bomb in a bank?

Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit: Credit to r/Teenagers for this

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ustydud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What do u call a flawless bank robbery with no fingerprints left behind?

Stainless steal

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
I went to the bank teller and told him I wanted to change banks and open an account.

Man: No problem Sir. What’s the name of your previous bank?

Me: Piggy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
What happened to the bank manager who was all by himself?

He found himself a loan.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Why did the moon go to the bank?

To change its quarters.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siix0_beautiixo
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Did you all hear about the midget, psychic that robbed a bank?

He's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I am making a movie about unemployed people constantly robbing banks.

They have done a few takes, but none worked

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnigMaStatik
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
A frog walks into a bank for a loan.

All he has for collateral is a ceramic statue. The loan officer, Patty Black, is unsure of what to do so she consults with her supervisor; "Oh fine", he says. "It's a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
Max Sweet and Eliza Stakes are robbing a bank when suddenly the lights come on

Max turns and says, " Miss Stakes, we're made"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oupablo
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
The UK doesnt have a kidney bank...

but it does have a Liverpool

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMisterDuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
An acronym walked into a blood-bank and asked to get his blood-type checked. Nurse said...

No need. You're a Type-o.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarabharaKabab_12
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Today I was at the bank when two man came in with masks...

Such a relief when they said it was just a bank robbery.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPapotasVIP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Three dudes walked into a bank wearing masks, and everybody freaked out.

They said, "This is a robbery," and everybody relaxed a little.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roguebuckeye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
The Canadian bank doesn't make sense anymore

They only make dollars.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What does the sign say at the exit of the sperm bank?

"Thank you for cumming"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thom581K
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
I keep sending my information to the bank but they claim it’s too crooked to read.

They need to get their fax straight.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientists who discovered there are bank clerks on the moon?

They saw them through their teller-scopes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the blonde walk into a bank with a bag full of shredded wood?

She wanted to open a shavings account.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I took my piggy bank to the five and dime store...

I took my piggy bank to the five and dime store and they told me they didn't take any thing under a dollar...

A policy like that just makes no cents...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbjames84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
What does a fruit say when it's about to do a bank heist?

Everyone on the ground! It's a strawberry1

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/void206551
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Today I was in the bank when two men came in wearing masks...

Everyone felt a huge relief when they told us it's only a bank robbery.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I lied to my wife about getting a job at the bank

I just couldn’t teller

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
My bank is really proud of me

According to them, I have an outstanding balance

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
The First Bank of Magic Only Needs Two Things to Operate it's Banks:

A Penn and a Teller.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
With both the salons and banks closed

I don’t know how I’m expected to make a pretty penny

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OHKING_RIVER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank...

A customer came in and asked me to check their balance... So, I pushed them.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that robbed banks and his get away "vehicle" was a baby sheep?

He's still on the lamb.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
I asked the bank teller why the guy sitting at the next window was wearing a mask & a cowboy outfit?

She said he was the lone arranger.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
What did the strawberry say when he went to the bank?

Put your hands in the air. This is a STROBBERY!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
A man walked into the bank and asked the teller to check his balance.

So she pushed him.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
What are banks used for?

To control the flow of the current sea

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shailertroy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.

But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I counted my piggy bank today. Some would say $100 is a lot of money,

But it’s just change to me!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RastaTeddyBear
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker rob the bank?

Because bakers knead dough!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CipherBear
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I think my bank is hiding extraterrestrials.

They gave me a lien paper.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
Did you know there used to be a story in the bible about a bank heist but it got removed

It was inside job

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
A priest, a minister, and a vampire walk into a blood bank...

The vampire says, β€œWhere's the rabbit?”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magoghm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
The irony of putting Tooth Fairy money in his How To Train Your Dragon bank
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystil_Rylvayn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a medieval bank worker?

A fortune teller

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastOfSane
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my bank job because I checked a customer’s balance

He fell pretty hard too

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MingeyMackrel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Excuse me, is this a bank because...

I'm alone

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZippyDaFish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
What do you say when a bank robber gets sent to the same prison as his inseparable twin sons?

Con joined twins

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Why is my bank account like a personals ad?

When I click on it there are fewer singles than I expected.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
The overweight guy at the bank could see into the future

he was a four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker rob a bank?

Because he kneaded the dough.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeChump
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
What did the branch say when he robbed a bank?

This is a STICK-up!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gremelinn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
The lady helping me at the bank has a big stain on her shirt.

Should I teller?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the sperm bank

They said I can't drink on the job

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
A woman at the bank today asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hurrikayne53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
My bank won’t make change for a dollar

It just doesn’t make any cents

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Men masutbate to donate to sperm banks. But women who use sperm bank donations baster mate.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are bill in the bank stored separately?

Because they want to be a loan

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marakchuja
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What was Long John Silver doing in a bank ?

... checking his balance

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Banks need to get better at restocking these ATMs

This is now the fifth one that has insufficient funds.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the string of bank robberies committed by a guy dressed up like Jesus?

The cops finally nailed him.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our am

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the tightrope walker go to the bank?

To check his balance

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the strawberry rob a bank?

Because his family was in a jam

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
So, there's some robbers going into a bank

You know the drill. AK47s, skimasks, the works. Anyway, they tell everybody to lie down on the floor. All the people in the bank hits the floor but this old man. He is still standing. So, the robbers tells him, not very politely i might add, to lie down on the floor.
Old man: "Nope. Not gonna happen. I'm CIA"
Robbers: "We don't give a shit, get on the floor NOW!"
Old man: "Nope. I'm CIA."
Old mans wife: "Walt, for Gods sake. You're not CIA, you're senile!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tgglas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
What did the redditor say after he robbed the bank?

Edit: wow thanks for the gold!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank an old lady asked me to help her check her balance

So i pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoNamesLeftPL
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my friend opened a bank account to save up for drugs

Is it a 'joint' account.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinanthbharadwaj
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bank manager leave his wife?

He lost interest in her

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Superman in a bank robbery?

Man of Steal

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anay666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Once a Bank of America Bank cheque was lying next to a Wells Fargo Bank cheque, they started talking to each other and became friends....eventually, they became so close that they became

chequemates ;)

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RajdorUzu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My local paper published an article about a gymnast who was dropped as a customer of our local bank.

She had outstanding balance.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I opened a new bank account on the phone. Everything was done by protocall.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atanasA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided to check my balance at the bank today.

Turns out I have an inner ear infection.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhodesrugger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I almost successfully robbed a bank recently...

But there were some baby goats there using alchemy to paper money into coins near the exit. As I rushed out the door, I tripped over some of their stacks of coins, which knocked me out til the police showed up.

I was so close! And, honestly, I would have gotten away with it too... if it weren't for those metaling kids.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/parkerthedeal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Most of my relatives are police marksmen, except for my grandad who was a bank robber.

He died recently surrounded by his family.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bored man pull his money out of the bank?

It wasn’t interesting.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NintenDuel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I haven't had much luck dating recently so I decided to start a new hobby; painting money I get from the bank.

I'm going to dye a loan.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrChimp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say β€œget a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmarkie_mark
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors.

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenEmerald67
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says β€œI think I might be a Type O”.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says, "I'm a type O."

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/freshstart86221
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank my very first day

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 352
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoSparky14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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An old lady in bank asked me if I can check her balance

so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superputindoge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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I recently got fired from my job at the bank.

An old lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/camilodmoreno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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