I lost my job at the bank

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
A pastor, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank, and the nurse asks what blood type they are.

The rabbit says, β€œI’m probably a Type-O”

πŸ‘︎ 620
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmath12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
A bank is a place which will loan you money...

....if you can prove you don't need it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
What did the wanted posters say when the psychic midget robbed the bank?

Small Medium at Large

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElasmoGNC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
The nurse at the sperm bank asked if I wanted to masturbate in the cup

I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayCola93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the obese psychic who worked at a bank?

She was a four chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
So my mate was at a fancy dress party dressed as a bank vault.

I said: ''I thought you were coming dressed as an apology?'' He said: 'Well, I thought I'd better be safe than sorry''.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
A gang of outlaw cows rob a bank and flee..

The police track them to a motel, but can't narrow it down further. They call the judge and he writes out a warrant to search room #8 at the motel. Police break down the door and arrest the gang of cows with the stash.

Later the police captain calls the judge, "Your honor, how did you know where the gang would be hiding?"

Judge says, "It's easy Captain. Cows always room in 8".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Why did the bank manager close the door?

To stop the bank draft

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big_Science2860
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
A robber breaks into a bank

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

β€œI c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, β€œHOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, β€œYou let your guard down”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
What is a piggy bank made of?

Porkelain

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeifEriksson
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
England doesn’t have a kidney bank

But it does have a Liverpool.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/severus_snape9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance...

...so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimjimjimjim69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
A one legged man walks into a bank

and tells the banker im here to check my balance

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fku208
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
What fruit do robbers bring to the bank?

Bang-nanas.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/3Zkiel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank ?

Just phone them up and say, "I can't cum. "

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
Jay Leno went to Morgan Freeman’s house and had a lot of drinks. Leno suddenly started to urinate on Freeman’s carpet. Freeman was furious and ran after him as he kept on urinating. The banker next door saw the whole thing and decided to start a bank...

Kids, that is the true story of how Jay-pee-Morgan-chase was named

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damilalam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the skeleton rob the bank?

It didint have the guts.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hmmm_er
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
I want to train a dog to make bank deposits

Training them to make withdrawals just seems a bit too far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/General-Nonsens3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I invested in a bank that gave 0% interest.

It made no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Send666Nudes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
What does a worker at the Irish sperm bank say after you are finished?

Tanks fo' nut'in

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matjesfiletmayo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
What is written by the exit to the sperm bank?

Thanks for coming!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Negalugh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Why did Gilbert O'Sullivan go to the bank

A loan again, naturally.

My dad just came out with this on the sofa, not sure if he read it elsewhere but all the same he's very chuffed with himself.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssolarprincess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
If you rob a Russain bank

You get Putin jail

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
A man in Yorkshire, England forgot about his appointment at the sperm bank.

When he finally arrived, the person at the desk told him, β€œEjaculate”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his Quarter Back!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avahlkyrie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.

He always gets a weigh.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorStrawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new socialist bank?

It’s called Das Kapital One

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinh456
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Our coach came storming into the bank.

He said he wanted his quarter back.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a sperm bank

The doctor says "would you get a load of this guy?"

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconlover09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the doctor at the blood bank picky about her dates?

She has A type

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cresendo77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Robber attempts to escapes after attempting to rob a bank

However, he was running too fast and trips over the stairs on the way out and broke his spine.

You could say he ran at a break neck speed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thekuecker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
A midget who was a fortune teller robbed a bank

The call went out that a small medium was at large

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EndymionMM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The bank want to repossess my tree house. They say I haven't kept up my mortgage payments....

I'm convinced it's a mix up from when I moved branches.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scandinavian bank robbery?

An H-ice-t

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taken-_-already
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
What did the Reddit user say after detonating a bomb in a bank?

Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit: Credit to r/Teenagers for this

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ustydud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the tree do when the bank was closed?

Started its own branch.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman approached me in the bank and for me to check her balance…….

So I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bungle_bogs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I recently got fired from a bank teller position when asked to check a client’s balance.

I pushed them over.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ncumer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
A monk, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

Rabbit says β€œI think I’m a type O”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B1RDS-ARENT-REAL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jediwag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l1r2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
A priest an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type O."

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooRobots9182
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What does it say on the exit door to the sperm bank?

Thanks for coming......

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_I-Have-A-Plan_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
A priest a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says I think I'm a type-o

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, β€œI think I might be a type O.”

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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