Why did the guitar player refuse to take a loan ?

Because he wanted no strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/primeboy217
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
A bank is a place which will loan you money...

....if you can prove you don't need it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Im left all a loan
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DefNotInTheOven
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I'll get a loan to buy a swimming pool

But I'm worried I'll be drowning in debt

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChromeKorine
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if he should take 120k in loans for an Egyptology degree.

I told him don't even sphinx about it

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taewooky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
Who called it a 'Loan Officer?'

Instead of Mortgage Freeman.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker take out a business loan?

He kneaded the dough.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimya_d
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the angle get a loan?

It always thought it was right, but it was really quite obtuse.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MomNDadBods
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Why did the loan officer quit his job?

He was losing interest.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
I thanked my student loans for getting me through college.

I just don't know how I could ever repay them!

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you for getting me through college, student loan providers.

I don't think I can ever repay you.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
A bank was offering loan without interest.

I flat out refused. Why would I take money from someone who has no interest?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
When I needed a loan and didn’t have collateral, I called up my math teacher.

She was able to cosine.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Are you a student loan?

Cause I'd like to have you around for the rest of my life.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched a film about a goverment loan. There was a lot of action.

It was a bond movie

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hornyonion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to get a loan to pay for an exorcism.

They said if I didn’t pay it back on time I’d get repossessed.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harlienx900
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a loan?
πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediTransformer03
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?

Because it’s parents wouldn’t cosine

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-pee-blood
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Finish college and forever a loan.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A frog walks into a bank for a loan.

All he has for collateral is a ceramic statue. The loan officer, Patty Black, is unsure of what to do so she consults with her supervisor; "Oh fine", he says. "It's a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
(OC) I’m graduating tomorrow, this is my cap. Forever a loan
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who burns all their loan documents?

Bernadette

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YetiFromJersey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My son wanted me to cosign on a loan for college...

I said, "what's your angle?"

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when trans people loan eachother money?

...a transaction

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seadoggo_29
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter's tired of the jokes... After hours of dad jokes she asked me to leave her a loan.

Years later and the loan is worth $23,000

She said she'd trade it for more dad jokes any day<3

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone give me a loan...

...I feel very loanly

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xyn9x
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do English teaches get their loans?

At the word bank

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shal2005
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
He’s to small for student loans
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SweggyPotatoChip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Leave me a loan
πŸ‘︎ 432
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RabbitGuySentMe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a girl that sets fires to loan papers?

Bernadette

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the student loan say to the grant?

Hey Pell.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rottyhorrorshow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Cosigning a loan...
πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M8asonmiller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Thx student loans,

I'm forever in your debt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonReborn64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...

It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curmudge_john
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the loan shark tell the pastry chef as he was choking?

Cough up the dough

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got to take out a loan for an exorcism.

If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GingerWookie95
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Loan me 50 dollars

One of the classic Β Abbott and Costello Β routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money. Β The skit ends with a simple β€˜read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill. Β This routine was done Β many Β times, both in the movies and their radio show.

Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10 Β 
Lou Costello: Ok, I’ll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for?
Lou Costello: 50
Bud Abbott: How much did you give me?
Lou Costello: 40.
Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.
Lou Costello: That’s right. Β [Pause] But you owe me 40.
Bud Abbott: Don’t change the subject.
Lou Costello: I’m not changing the subject; you’re trying to change my finances. Come on, Abbott give me my $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, there’s your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me.
Lou Costello: I’m paying you on account.
Bud Abbott: On account?
Lou Costello: On account I don’t know how I owe it to ya.
Bud Abbott: That’s the way you feel about it, that’s the last time I ask you for a loan of $50.
Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. All I got is 30.
Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and you’ll owe me 20.
Lou Costello: Ok. This is getting worse all the time. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20.
Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt?
Lou Costello: I’m not running in, you’re pushing me!1
Bud Abbott: I can’t help it if you can’t handle your finances. I do all right with my money.
Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too.
Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 20 and 30 is 50.
Lou Costello: No. No. No. 25 and 25 is 50.
Bud Abbott: All right, here’s your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. Fine guy, won’t loan a pal $50.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A frog hops into the credit union and meets with his loan officer, Ms. Black. She asks if he has any collateral for the loan?

The frog pulls out a small weird shaped item, made of ceramic. Ms. Black isn’t sure what to make of it, so she asks her manager. He takes one look at the item, and says, β€œWhy that’s a knick knack Patty Black, give that frog a loan!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamkeerock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Christopher paid off his loans

Now he is Christopher No-loan

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nkvij
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
All the kids are into, "Post Mah Loan" I take it? Well here you go then!
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IMightEatPeople
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the banker break up with his girlfriend after she demanded that he forgive her loan?...

He lost interest

Edit: *Why

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vladipus222
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college.

I don’t think I can ever repay you.

πŸ‘︎ 414
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pinkflyd25
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A frog goes to get a loan...

The frog is greeted by the teller whose name is Patty Whack. The frog asks Patty for a loan, patty tells the frog to get the loan she will need a reference and a form of collateral. The frog says β€œwell my father is Mick Jagger and I have a small porcelain elephant that I can give you. Patty says β€œI’ll need to speak with my manager” and leaves to the back. When Patty returns the frog asks β€œwhat did the manager say?” and she tells the frog the manager said β€œIt’s a Knick-knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man is a Rolling Stone!”

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/my-little-puppet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you student loans, I couldn't of gotten through college without you.

I don't think I could ever repay you.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ducati0411
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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