Money puns
I need a money pun for a title of a speech I’m giving about the history of money. I knew you guys would spark my creativity.
Where do fish keep their money?
The last thing my grandfather told me was "It's worth spending money on good speakers."
That was some sound advice.
Why can't you borrow money from an elf?
Because they're always a little short.
Why did Bach have no money?
Did you guys hear about the gymnast who owed money?
She had an outstanding balance.
A bank is a place which will loan you money...
....if you can prove you don't need it.
Melinda was going to sue Bill for not giving her the amount of money she wan entitled to
So Bill said: "A lawsuit? For real? You know I always windows"
a farmer drove his son into the market and dropped him off with $100. he told his son not to buy anything except for a cow. if he couldn't afford a cow, he should use the money to get a taxi home. the son sent pics to his dad all day of the ones he thought were good until his phone died.
he just got the most expensive one he could afford for $99.99. he asked to use the cow vendors phone to call his dad. the vendor replied "sure, for $5". the kid worked out a deal to send one text with one word for one cent. he sent his dad: "comfortable"
I heard that a gang based in Los Angeles is creating paper money with pictures of the founder's foot's digits in place of presidents...
I dunno if the Crip-toe currency will take off or not.
My wife mentioned that our baby chews everything. I told her that he's really going to cost us money.
He chews through paper, plastic and the other day he Bitcoins.
So there was this crusader who asked me to where should he put his money...
I told him, "put it in the Deus V-a-ult of course!"
An avid coin collector, I had run out of money for food. What should I do? I know!
I still had my pizzas of eight!
Im building a counterfeit money machine….
I know it sounds crazy now, but I think eventually it will make a lot of cents…
How do you hide money from a hippie?
I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...
But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.
Wife: "Whenever I keep money in my purse, our son steals it! I don’t know what to do?"
Me: "Hide it in his books. I know he will never touch them."
Where does frosty the snowman keep his money?
Nowhere! He has Snow pockets!
When I was much younger, I asked my dad, "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"
"Sure, go ahead."
So, I sold it.💰
Definition of money laundering
Why can't the devil make money off of Youtube?
Because he keeps getting demonetized.
What do you say to a friend that owes you money?
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
My wife says I am spending too much money on mirrors
It’s time for some self reflection
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money
There are less and less balloons with money designs
My parents always said money couldn't by happiness...
Then I got Antidepressants
I wish I could make money flipping houses
But my arms aren’t strong enough
How to earn a ton of money in 1 easy step
Put 5 female pigs and 5 male deers in your backyard.
Congratulations, you now have ten sows and bucks!
They say money doesn’t grow on trees
Obviously they haven’t seen the price of plywood recently
What do you call an arborist who has no money?
How do cups get their money?
After Finding Nemo, how did Dory make money?
Last night a thief entered my house looking for money
-What did you do?
-I started looking with him, I needed money
I’m gonna buy cereal with my COVID relief money.
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
I tried to make money as a sculptor,
but I could only get the heads right so I went bust.
If money can't buy love...
....then why do dating sites charge?
You know how tombs tend to have money that's buried with their inhabitants?
That's the first cryptocurrency.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
There’s some money down the drain
Please just take my money you deserve it
What do you call money growing on trees?
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
Where does Frosty keep his money?
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