My friend is running for treasurer and needs to make an eight second video for the video announcing the candidates, any good quick money puns for that?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onherejustforfun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
Money Puns are Pun-ey
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logicaleman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Money puns

I need a money pun for a title of a speech I’m giving about the history of money. I knew you guys would spark my creativity.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rfbaylon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...

Pho Ton Torpedoes.

(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalprof
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Money will talk!
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quiescam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Money factories are the only thing in America I understand.

Because they make cents

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMan987
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
My wife says she doesn’t want me to spend so much money on dates.

Picked up some prunes instead, they’re okay I guess.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abbylikesoreos
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My friend is a sushi chef and makes a ton of money.

He drives a Rolls-Rice.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTeddly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I asked my fisherman friend, β€œHow much money do you make for your catch?”

He said, β€œI don’t discuss my .....net worth.”

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
When you gotta make Music at 8 but wash Money at 10
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ni_ko_98
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.

it's currently half empty

πŸ‘︎ 286
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Robber broke into my house to find money

I searched with him

πŸ‘︎ 246
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Marouk4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:

My sister walks up to me and asks: β€œAre you creating a pyramid scheme?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ColinHenrichon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
I invested all my money in a whipped cream factory.

People told me not to. They said that it's a huge whisk.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreger
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
My New Year's resolution is to save enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
How'd the crematorium owner make all his money?

He urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
What did the Norwegian money lender say when he arrived at your front door?

NOK NOK.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyDrDuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
If you want to save money this Christmas,

now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
What era is a musician in when he has no money?

Baroque

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kqog
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand why my wife spends so much money on shampoo...

It’s not even real poo.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/51mp50n
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I paid off my new limousine up front, but now I can't afford to hire a driver. So much money spent.

And nothing to chauffeur it.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
β€œNation’s Geologists demand more money for Marijuana research” I guess those geologists are a bunch of Stoners.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I invested all of my money in cannabis infused beef. I know . . it’s a risky decision.

The steaks are high

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I don’t like the government taking all my money. It’s taxing
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Hey, I don't care, if people want to spend lots of their money on electricity...

Then more power to them!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Why don't dog lawyers make any money?

Because they are pro bone-O.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AtlantaBanana
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A thief broke into my house last night looking for money

We didn't find anything

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
If you’re going to put your money on something, make it yeast

It will always make your dough rise.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/petersize10
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
If I ever have the money, I'm going to commission a bust.

But I'm getting a head of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reyzorblade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
People only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make

Then they call me ugly and poor

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Took me awhile, but I was finally able to get my hands in some Iranian money for my coin collection!

I'm rial-ly developing a respectable collection, lemme tell ya!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I used to be addicted to eating money

Since I stopped I’ve lost lots of pounds, there’s been a lot of change.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceManBalls83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a joke about money

But I can't think of one atm.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeJoey2004
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
How much money do professional ice skaters make in a year?

Eight figures but unfortunately they can't access it because their accounts are frozen.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RickC-249
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Where do raisins keep their money?

In a currant account.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlaMenck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
There was a line of people outside of the gym I workout at the other day. I found it quite weird as the line of people were paying money just to hit each other.

Guess you could call it a punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/STRAlGHTCANCER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

πŸ‘︎ 685
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Putin your money here
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonnieNissan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the money fall off the tree ?

Because it had no arms

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinyroundballs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
A guy broke into my house last night and was looking for money.

So I got up and looked with him.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camefromxbox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
My friends never let me borrow money for arcade games at the roller rink

Cheap skates

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/druebird86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
My wife spends all of our grocery money on cheese.

I think she needs to go to briehab

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madeinbuffalo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Why don't bees spend their money?

Because they are stingy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, β€œI don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”

He said, β€œOh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of crows gathering money?

Crowd funding

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when trans people loan eachother money?

...a transaction

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seadoggo_29
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
I don't know why my money printing machine can only do paper currency.

It doesn't make any cents.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
What's an easy way to double your money?

Hold it in front of a mirror

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
How do pig families save money on clothes?

They use ham-me-downs

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
I counted my piggy bank today. Some would say $100 is a lot of money,

But it’s just change to me!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RastaTeddyBear
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
When the flutist found out she was making less money than the cellist was making...

She wondered what the bass salary is.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The irony of putting Tooth Fairy money in his How To Train Your Dragon bank
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystil_Rylvayn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the best Christmas present money can buy?

A broken drum.

You just can't beat it.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunarsee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I bet you any money I could beat Mike Tyson. Any time. Any place.

Beat him at chess, that is.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerup4444
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Where do fish keep their money?

In the riverbank

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HideousPillow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the classical musician that had money issues?

I heard he went Baroque

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/almondjoyeee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?

They only get paid in tips.

πŸ‘︎ 339
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor tried to wager money on whether I could jump the row of bushes between our properties...

But I don't like to hedge my bets.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
If money doesn't grow on tree's....

Then why do banks have so many branches?

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do a dolphin and a cat with no money have in common?

They're both a poor puss

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eastville_villan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Some people say that mega churches exist to make money

But I think they are all about the prophets

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
I wish I had more money so that my life was bourgeoiseasier
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Czevek13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it easy to make money out of manufacturing rulers?

Because of the economies of scale.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
The man who killed donkeys for money.

He was an ass-assin

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MobileSunflower
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the middleman say when the buyer asked him to pass the money onto the seller?

I conduit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C_Giraffe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
I suspect my maid is stealing money from my drawer, but she won’t admit to it.

I just want her to come clean.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
How much money is inside the ATM?

80M

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why some mobsters prefer not to laundry their dirty money?

They want to be filthy rich.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WenDMegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
If time is money...

Then is an ATM a time machine?

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CringeChilly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Money Lisa
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TibiaChi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
When does it start to rain money?

When there is change in the weather.

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.

They just take the money and run.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Money Whale Spent
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicBro16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My New year's resolution is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I'm planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegasketmaker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally have enough money!

Now I don’t have to work for the rest of the year

Edit: For context, this was written on 12/31/2019

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cacarrizales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbour lends people money, but refuses to take on partners or associates.

He's a lone-wolf loan-shark.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LonestarSurvivor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I didn't think the police would convict me for robbery until I saw the briefcase full of the money

In that case, they had evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The last thing my grandfather told me was that it is worth it to spend money on good speakers.

That was sound advice.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Money whale spent
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swimmer_69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Eddie Money get himself and a friend into the backgammon tournament?

Two tickets, two pair of dice.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djvaller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
If you give an eevee money what does it evolve into?

Patreon

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iann2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The truth is that neither love nor money that makes the world go round

It’s F=G(m1m2)/r^2

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Time is money said the farmer,

and he sold his watch.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pikachuboiiiii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa invest his money?

In Christmas Stockings and shares.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
This Holiday season it seems like everyone is spending a lot of money and buying cars.

I keep hearing everyone say they are buying their kids a toy yoda.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffspeed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the borrowed money not afraid anymore?

Because it wasn't a loan any more.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My New Years resolution this year is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I’m planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross money with a meerkat?

A Cashmere Cat

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SBIII
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If money makes the world go round...

The Earth cant be flat.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goalie98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do fish keep their money?

In the riverbank!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HideousPillow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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