Where do fish keep their money?

In a riverbank

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
The last thing my grandfather told me was "It's worth spending money on good speakers."

That was some sound advice.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can't you borrow money from an elf?

Because they're always a little short.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThusSpokeGaba
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Bach have no money?

He was Baroque.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xberry
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the gymnast who owed money?

She had an outstanding balance.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DataGuru314
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A bank is a place which will loan you money...

....if you can prove you don't need it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Melinda was going to sue Bill for not giving her the amount of money she wan entitled to

So Bill said: "A lawsuit? For real? You know I always windows"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omarkrimlyreddit
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
a farmer drove his son into the market and dropped him off with $100. he told his son not to buy anything except for a cow. if he couldn't afford a cow, he should use the money to get a taxi home. the son sent pics to his dad all day of the ones he thought were good until his phone died.

he just got the most expensive one he could afford for $99.99. he asked to use the cow vendors phone to call his dad. the vendor replied "sure, for $5". the kid worked out a deal to send one text with one word for one cent. he sent his dad: "comfortable"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard that a gang based in Los Angeles is creating paper money with pictures of the founder's foot's digits in place of presidents...

I dunno if the Crip-toe currency will take off or not.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife mentioned that our baby chews everything. I told her that he's really going to cost us money.

He chews through paper, plastic and the other day he Bitcoins.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
So there was this crusader who asked me to where should he put his money...

I told him, "put it in the Deus V-a-ult of course!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Migo_delos_Reyes
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
An avid coin collector, I had run out of money for food. What should I do? I know!

I still had my pizzas of eight!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Im building a counterfeit money machine….

I know it sounds crazy now, but I think eventually it will make a lot of cents…

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnymclargehuge
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you hide money from a hippie?

Put it under the soap.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dano558
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...

But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife: "Whenever I keep money in my purse, our son steals it! I don’t know what to do?"

Me: "Hide it in his books. I know he will never touch them."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does frosty the snowman keep his money?

Nowhere! He has Snow pockets!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snwbrdrmidget15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was much younger, I asked my dad, "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"

"Sure, go ahead."

So, I sold it.πŸ’°

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Definition of money laundering
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotcurrypowder
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you say to a friend that owes you money?

Pay pal

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkayQuishy
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can't the devil make money off of Youtube?

Because he keeps getting demonetized.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife says I am spending too much money on mirrors

It’s time for some self reflection

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...

It’s my retirement hedge fund.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
There are less and less balloons with money designs

God damn deflation

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thevladutz12
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money

Very Sketchy People

πŸ‘︎ 428
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omarsrstt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My parents always said money couldn't by happiness...

Then I got Antidepressants

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnDayzRP
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I wish I could make money flipping houses

But my arms aren’t strong enough

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
How to earn a ton of money in 1 easy step

Put 5 female pigs and 5 male deers in your backyard.

Congratulations, you now have ten sows and bucks!

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soba_todoroki
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
They say money doesn’t grow on trees

Obviously they haven’t seen the price of plywood recently

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an arborist who has no money?

Bur Oak

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
How do cups get their money?

They mug people.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
After Finding Nemo, how did Dory make money?

She started an OnlyFins.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ski3po
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Last night a thief entered my house looking for money

-What did you do?

-I started looking with him, I needed money

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DasDaniBoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m gonna buy cereal with my COVID relief money.

Stimulus Chex Mix

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks

I want to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 380
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to make money as a sculptor,

but I could only get the heads right so I went bust.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
If money can't buy love...

....then why do dating sites charge?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....

When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dwele_music
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
You know how tombs tend to have money that's buried with their inhabitants?

That's the first cryptocurrency.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCuriousPyro
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Please just take my money you deserve it
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackson24me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s some money down the drain
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charltskisaurus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call money growing on trees?

Inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.

But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

πŸ‘︎ 294
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My Grandpa always said "don't watch your money, watch your health."

Then one day when I was watching my health, he stole my wallet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.

It’s a drama dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does Frosty keep his money?

In the snow bank.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEMstone85
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report

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