A weird German kid just gave me a gold coin

Thanks for the gold, strange kinder.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duckbeachdog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I love GOLD , but *A* is silent in it!#chem punsΖͺ(˘⌣˘)Κƒβ”Œ(β˜…ο½β˜†)β”˜
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AromaticAd9528
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Old Gold
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Gold walks into a bar

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkunzler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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How do gold fishes get old?

Take away the G

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger"

I said as I was taking away his dental implant.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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No need for gold. I'm fine with silver(ware).
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApologeticKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur without gold?

A dinosr.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TroyExplores
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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A youth soccer team that won gold at a tournament also stopped a thief that same day.

And he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninety-five95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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i saw some joke about gold

it was Ausome

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigGayDinosaurs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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There’s a sailor who is always finding fool’s gold

We call him the iron pirate.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Since the very beginning, man has been panning for gold and using it as trade.

Our ancestors called it the prime-ore-deal soup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanicle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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The gold standard
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

Au!

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salman_R
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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A fog rolled in and turned my car into gold!

Must have been an alche-mist.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I think about this way too much but I think it's comedy gold!

Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week

Me: because she's here at the table with us

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunnitt625
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What do you call a gold prospector in the Southern Hemisphere?

An Au-stralian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordTrollsworth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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How do you greet gold?

"Au."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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A child was slightly injured while digging for gold

Not to worry, only Minor Miner Injuries

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Why panning the river in my brain, this lil' gold nugget came to me.

What do you call a Dinosaur that knows everything?

A herd-it-before!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yolosute
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I pulled a muscle digging for gold

Just a miner injury

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here. reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KORZILLA-is-me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What did the old man tell the monkey that dropped a bar of gold ?

A u dropped a banana.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lead_the_leader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I was having problems with my tools while digging for gold.

They were miner technical difficulties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyond_hate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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People keep bothering me at work, while I dig for gold

I'm just mining my own business

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I enjoy eating gold sprinkles with my meals.

I like rich food.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RioZX
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal.

The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.

πŸ‘︎ 683
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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An underage gold digger is a miner
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afieif
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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Do you know what to say to get gold’s attention?

Say A U

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainIsBouncing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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How do you turn soup into gold?

Add 24 carrots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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(old but gold) When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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What did the scary old woman say when she found a gold cauldron?

I’m gonna be witch.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprmnstr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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When I graduated culinary school my parents gave me a gold-plated spoon.

It was a stirring tribute.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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If you find gold in Australia, where do you look for silver?

Agstralia.

πŸ‘︎ 849
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Old but gold.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rihardz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Comedy gold
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yorkshireboii156
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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What do you call a kid that searches for gold in a cave?

A minor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinateUniverse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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These puns are pure gold
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LetherG420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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At a rock concert one time, I saw a girl with a gold spiked necklace.

I thought β€œwow, that’s pretty metal.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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This whole thread about a guy who smuggled eels is gold.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsarethekey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Got some 24 carrot gold right here 😎
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellaAir
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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I am helping a gold-medal winning sprinter acheive the highest level of spiritual awareness.

...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Cleaning your cat's litter box is a lot like sifting gold except for 1 thing

the prize is a lot crappier...literally.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decaknight9000
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I'm burning a gold-scented candle.

It has a very rich aroma.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KubosKube
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
In an alternate universe, instead of asking for whatever he touches to be gold, Midas just asked for his jokes to be made extremely hilarious.

Everything was comedy gold.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrammerTheGamer
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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I pulled a muscle digging for gold

Just a miner injury!!

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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