π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 30 2015
I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
Nobody cares about Golden Retrievers
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
If Dollar Tree stocked "golden calf" figurines, it might be renamed "I Dollar Tree."
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
I watched a documentary on how they built the Golden Gate Bridge.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
I would cheat the Golden Globes. Hell, I would even manipulate the Academy Awards. But I would NEVER
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Golden-brown purebread
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
My dad gave me the golden dad joke medal for this one...
Me: You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?
Mum: Yeah.
Me: What is it?
Mum: It's to do with bad luck.
Me: Cool, have you heard of Cole's Law?
Mum: No. What is it?
Me: It's thinly sliced cabbage
π︎ 33
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
I read a story to my daughter about a cow that produced magical golden milk
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
My girlfriend owns a bit of a golden Nile serpent...
She has a nice piece of asp!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, βWhat would you do when you finally see it?β
I said, βIβll cross the bridge when I get there.β
π︎ 108
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Next month, Iβm going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.
My wife said, βWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?β
Me: Iβll cross that bridge when I get there.
π︎ 426
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
Why donβt the Golden Globe awards go to real people?
Because all the winners are paid actors.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
How do you make golden soup?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
For a Chemistry teacher, what is the golden rule that his class must follow?
That they maintain decAurum
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
A teeny golden nugget i found on Duolingo
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 03 2020
Why doesnβt Golden Retrievers catch the balls you throw for them?
Theyβre only retrievers.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
Silence is golden.
Unless you have young children then silence becomes suspicious.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
My grandma used to sit on golden powder
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
[Dad Joke courtesy of Stephen King] The big moron and the little moron were standing on the Golden Gate bridge. The big moron fell off. Why didn't the little moron fall off too?
Because the little moron was a little more on.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 01 2019
Really!? That was a golden opportunity!
Watching the new season of The Chef Show on the Netflix, and in the Hog Island episode, John asks why cheese industry is so big there, and someone replies βitβs a beautiful place for dairy, it also itβs just a big dairy areaβ.
You mean.................................. a dairy-ah?
Iβll see myself out.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 16 2019
Golden Shower Bath and Kitchen Co.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 07 2019
She asked for a Golden Retriever [xpost]
She got a Golden Retreiver
And that look.....that's the look we all know and love. A truly well executed dad joke.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jul 28 2016
The creators of the Ipad missed out a golden opportunity to name it the Handtop
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 09 2019
The Golden Gate Bridge's new slogan.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 21 2018
If the Vegas Golden Knights win the Stanley Cup, no one will ever know
Cause what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jun 08 2018
[Pun Request] My golden retrieval likes to jump to other people
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 15 2018
In 2017, the top breed of dog on Google was the Golden Retriever.
Second and third place went to the silver and bronze retrievers.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 07 2018
Have you heard the don't need the golden gate bridge any longer?
Because it's already long enough
π︎ 47
π
︎ Nov 25 2017
What does a golden gloves lawyer write?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 01 2019
Missed a golden opportunity with Shindler's Lift
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 20 2017
why does fried duck get golden, crispy and delicious?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 08 2018
Silence is golden!
Duct tape is silver... silver can be made into gold.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 12 2018
Friend told me his new girlfriend is into golden showers.
I told him "Urine for a real treat then."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 06 2018
Golden Egg hiding spot for Easter
OK so as a dad who enjoys challenging his kids I would like some help. Shoot me your best feasible hiding spot for the Golden Egg on Easter...I'm thinking submerged in a hollow block or randomly dug hole just to fuck with the kids and their parents!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 11 2017
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, βWhat are you going to do when you see it?β
I said, βLetβs cross that bridge when we get there.β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Dec 20 2018
Iβm so excited that my wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, βWhat are you going to do when we see it?β
Me: Weβll cross that bridge when we get there.
π︎ 411
π
︎ Sep 16 2018
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What would you do when we see it?
Me: Letβs cross that bridge when we get there.
π︎ 54
π
︎ Nov 15 2018
My wife and I are going on a trip to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
She said, β What are you going to do when you finally see it?β
I said, βLetβs cross that bridge when we get there.β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
My wife and I are finally going to visit San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What are you going to do when we see it?
Me: Weβll cross that bridge when we get there.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Oct 18 2018
How do you make your soup golden?
π︎ 56
π
︎ Oct 28 2017
why does fried duck get golden, crispy and delicious?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 08 2018
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