My neighbor claims his Golden Retriever dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away..

.. that seems a bit far-fetched to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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When Bruce, my beloved golden retriever died, I had him skinned and turned into a cardigan.

Have to admit, it's rather fetching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Nobody cares about Golden Retrievers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Why doesn’t Golden Retrievers catch the balls you throw for them?

They’re only retrievers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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She asked for a Golden Retriever [xpost]

She got a Golden Retreiver

And that look.....that's the look we all know and love. A truly well executed dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtMac02
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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What do u call a golden retriever and telephone

A golden receiver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDaGamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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Something is wrong with my golden retriever

Its not bringing me any gold

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_BlNG_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2017
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My Golden Retriever just got fixed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbrushwyler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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[Pun Request] My golden retrieval likes to jump to other people
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marksteve4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Pun needed

Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be β€œGive me your β€˜name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word β€œZoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeeDotOu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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A Rom Com Called "I've Fallin for Stalin" Where Gilbert Gottfried Plays Everyone

The plot is Gilbert Gottfried playing himself is sent back in time to kill Stalin (also played by Gilbert Gottfried). But Gilbert ends up slowly falling in love with Stalin as they bond over things like pancakes shaped like barn animals and making snow angels. The movie ends with Gilbert and Stalin getting married and raising two kids named Jenny and Egor (played by Gilbert Gottfried) in the suburbs with their golden retriever, Rex (played by Gilbert Gottfried)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anttwinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
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Old shoes

I have about 6 pairs of shoes in total (including dress shoes and flip flops).

My fiancee absolutely hates my old flip flops and old adidas samba, and conversely I love those two in particular. She has, on more than one occasion, threatened to junk them, to which I replied that she would become single.

Yesterday, our golden retriever puppy found and made short work of my flops and one adidas. My fiancee watched as I sadly marched the two pairs to the bin, but she didn't know the amount of dad she was about to face.

I dropped them in the bin, looked up at her, and said "well, they had a good run."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strykr316
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2016
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Quick wit from dad in the kitchen

Cooking with my dad while my golden retriever sits in the middle of the kitchen watching... Dad tells dog to get out of the kitchen, and I say "Ah, he's just here for moral support." Without missing a beat, dad responds, "More like morsel support." Heh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orangeblood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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Girlfriends dad thinks he's funny.

> A young boy and his father are walking down the street, when they see a golden retriever on top of a labrador, doing the dirty. The boy asks "Daddy, what are they doing!?" and his father calmly replies "Don't worry son, that's how they make a puppy."

> Later that evening, after the boy has gone to bed, Daddy and Mommy have their alone time. Just as things are getting hot and heavy, the young boy walks into the room and is shocked. "Daddy, what are you doing to Mommy?!" to which his father calmly replies "Don't worry Son, this is how we make a baby!" His son is dismayed, thinks for a second, and says: "Well turn her over, I want a puppy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gethaased
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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Auditing professor has his first kid on the way. He is prepared.

My auditing professor created a fictitious dog food company for us to audit because he has two golden retrievers he mentions pretty often. A student jokingly asks, "If your dogs eat this food, would that make them stakeholders in the company?" He replied, "Yes, they love steak."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsfinegan91
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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