My goldfish looked really skinny, so I added some steroids to the aquarium water.

Now things are Hunky Dory.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank

One looks at the other and says: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/professorf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Goldfish are good pets, but...

Siamese fighting fish are Betta!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DreadMoor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do you make a goldfish old?

Take the g away;)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/longestyeahboiiyet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Paddy bought 2 goldfish

His mate Mick visited him.

Mick: "I see you have 2 new goldfish, what do you call them Paddy?"

Paddy: "I named them ONE and TWO"

Mick: "Those are strange names, why did you call them that??"

Paddy: "Well Mick, if ONE dies, I've still got TWO!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MEJAFog
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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*wife drops phone into container with daughterโ€™s goldfish crackers*

Oh no you dropped your phone in the fish bowl now itโ€™s gunna be all wet

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LetsAspire
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains

But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tDumFlumph
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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Whenever I need energy I always go for Goldfish crackers

Theyโ€™re loaded with carpohydrates

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blamethedog16
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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A guy went to a pet shop. โ€œIโ€™d like to buy a goldfish pleaseโ€. โ€œCertainly sir. Would you like an aquarium?โ€ ...

โ€œI donโ€™t care what star sign it isโ€ The guy replies.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cwwspurs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My grandson put two Goldfish on a piece of bread...

He showed it to me and said โ€œI made a fish sandwich.โ€

The pride was so great, I nearly shed a tear.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheRealBobbyC
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a bowl, one fish turns to the other and say when do you think the food is coming? The other says...

Holy crap! A talking fish!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_LumberZack_
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call two goldfish mating?

Koitus.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/siphodeus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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If Goldfish Could Talk

My Goldfish: hi.

Me: weโ€™ve met.

Goldfish: we did?

Me: you have a bad memory.

Goldfish: who does?

Me: you do.

Goldfish: I do what?

Me: you have a bad----actually forget it.

Goldfish: ok : )

Me:

Goldfish:

Me:

Goldfish: hi!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RunnagL
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you know itโ€™s cheaper to just not feed the goldfish ?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/juicymember
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are goldfish snacks always smiling?

Because theyโ€™re baked

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Andyh10s
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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The snack that makes you laugh, goldfish.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hsmm877
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Apparently, when hungry, wild goldfish will attack any other sea creature to steal their food, except for large fish with fins.

Because then they'd they'd be jumping the shark.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MightyOtaku
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Thereโ€™s 2 goldfish in a tank...

One asks the other, you know how to drive this thing?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 36
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fahimifire
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says

How the heck do we drive this thing?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 174
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ConnorM1911
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 113
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BigDaddyAlex7077
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other, โ€œDo you know how to drive this thing?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RobRoy333
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank

One fish turns to the other and says, 'Any idea on how to drive this thing ?'

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank, one of them turns to the other and says

Hey! Whoโ€™s gonna drive this thing?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SkeazyG
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/citronellaspray
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank. One leans over to the other and asks...

โ€œDo you even know how to drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two Goldfish in a Tank.

One says to the other, โ€œDo you know how to drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cplaprade
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other โ€œDo you know how to drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nlolhere
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other:

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 143
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wolfalberto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank, one turns and says to the other,

โ€œhow do you drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 205
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish were in a tank. One turned to the other and said...

"How do you drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dumb-reply
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says...

"Anybody know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 83
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Futureman16
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other, โ€œDo you know how to drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 401
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alphamannen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did one goldfish say to the other goldfish in the tank?

"You know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/11teenthUsername
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish....

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jedi1josh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
There's two goldfish in a tank

one turns to the other and says

"I have no idea how to drive this thing"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JxshG_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish were in a tank

One of them asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ParaREXX
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mattasaurusrrex
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other,

โ€œdo you know how to drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/goooblzskint
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in their tank

One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/friedpiggy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other: โ€œDo you know how to drive this thing?โ€
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AlcoholicPikachu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says, how do you drive this thing?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 42
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CheeselogBites
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank...

One says to the other, โ€œDo you know how to drive this thingโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sohamnshah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other? : "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/minyoonghee
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank.

One turns to the other and says, โ€œDo you know how to drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Complete_Gene
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank...

One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 65
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish were in a tank...

...and one asked the other: "How do you drive this thing?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/space0watch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two goldfish are in a tank

One says to the other: โ€œDo you know how to drive this thing?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FlashHash
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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