Looking for a turtle pun :)

Can u guys help mi with this one :) need it for my presentation.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Italian turtle?

A turtleini.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSamsquanch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
My Irish friend went to a costume party carrying a women on his back. I asked what he was and he said he was a turtle. I asked "so who is she?"

He replied, "This is Michelle!"

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch57113
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
I mean hes a bread turtle
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Just learned I'm gonna be a dad today, and I told my wife: "two turtles are in front of a waterfall, what does one say to the other?"

Shall we jump? Yes, we shell.

I'll see my way out

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farduino88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
I asked a librarian if she had a book about Turtles.

She said hardback? I said yeah with a little head.

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Figure-13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I went into the library and asked for a book on turtles.

The lady said, "hardback?" I replied, "yes, with little wrinkled heads"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Why did the turtle go to T-mobile

Because he couldn't sprint

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenjopac
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
Which ninja turtle likes pastries?

Donutello

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelkamote
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
turtle torture

what do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?

tortellini

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?

He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
"Move it! Yer Turtle-y blocking the road!" v.redd.it/dq9sg5g25l941
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaz_Man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Makes a mean turtle soup
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesr14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You don't often see "turtles" spelled T-U-R-D-l-e-s

because they're an endangered feces

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
What did the snail say while riding on the turtles back?

Wheeeeeeeee!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuandaryOfRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
I went to a party dressed as a turtle with my daughter on my back, and someone asked what was on my back.

I said it's Michelle

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoll_boi_fire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Me at the bookstore: Do you have any books on turtles?

Cashier: Hard back?

Me: yea, with little heads.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OppositeWolf770
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you have any books on turtles?

"Hard back?"

Yes, and with little heads.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flameboy42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad walking into bookstore. "Do you have any books on Turtles?"

Worker: "Hardback?"

Dad: "Yeah, with little heads."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a turtle do on their birthday?

They shellabrate

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnhhjmmnnbggh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle

Strange name but she tortoise well..

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarvedAsian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My turtle was upset.. he couldnt afford the new shell-phone
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smilingball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Turtle.
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fxworl_org
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Turtles
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRobotics5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what you call a famous turtle?

A shellebrity

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_i_k_i
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the snail on the turtle’s back say?

Wheeeeeeeeee!

My daughter told me this one haha!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scathyr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, β€œI’ll take a turtle soup...

and make it snappy”.

I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Marcellus-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do we think the turtle is the wisest animal?

Because it has tortoise so much.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/solaricos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lesson on turtles?

A turtorial

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EoinM17
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle

Odd name but she tortoise well

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lipptex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is sitting at a bar when he notices a turtle near the register. It is covered with bandages ....

and not moving. "So uh, what's the deal with the dead turtle?" he asks. The barkeep perks up, "Dead? you say? I'll have you know that this is the fastest turtle on Earth!" "In fact, I have fifty dollars that say **this** turtle can beat **you** to the other side of the room!" The man looks at the motionless turtle and says, "Alright - Your on!" "on the count of three" says the bartender. "one" "two" "three!" and he picks up the turtle and throws it across the room.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are turtles so chill?

They do sea weed!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyHobbitses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bookstore the other day and asked the clerk if they had any books on turtles.

Worker: "Hard back?"

Me: "Yeah, with little heads."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into the library to get a book about turtles the other day.

Librarian: "Hardback?" Me: "Yep, and small heads."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ARedTechz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Rapunzel get a pet turtle?

So she could star in β€œThe Tortoise and the Hair.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TarantulaPets
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a dead turtle goes stiff?

Rigor tortoise

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gnosticpopsicle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Who do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have a crush on?

April, you fools.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nf22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle that stays up all night?

Noc-turtle

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadedShred
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle missing one leg?

Turtle leanie

πŸ‘︎ 616
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursppachulli
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
🚨︎ report
What does a turtle do in its shell?

Look for shell-ter

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M0r1tzP
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a turtle one day

I wonder what the shell happened to it

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ayyyyysdf165
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking News: A turtleneck seller is to appear in court for selling his turtlenecks to the public, and just killing so many turtles. And sweater or not he wins, he was really a bad salesman.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitGouda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails.

When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaTR2002
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
In the forest, a sad lonely looking turtle begins to climb slowly up a huge tree. Half way up, it edges along a branch, sighs, then jumps. It falls smacking into the ground, bouncing and tumbling across the forest floor...

Recovering and bruised, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps and falls to the ground.

The turtle tries again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his pathetic efforts.

Finally, the female bird turns to her mate, β€œDarling, don't you think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted?"

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Turtles have always been the best teachers

They tortoise everything

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobartcatcafe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
If I had a pet turtle...

I'd name her Miss Shell Obama.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainnT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the turtle get a boner?

He had a reptile dysfunction

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghastly420666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you have any books on turtles?

Hardback?

Yes, with little legs.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rigdomna
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the most visible kind of turtle?

A sea turtle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quadnix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How do turtles communicate?

Shell-phones!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidbesp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Turtles live for so long because they have an excellent shellf life.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerZA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear of the boy who’s turtle died?

He’s shell shocked

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t anyone mess with the ninja turtle Raphael?

Because of his sais.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HXCg4m3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
So I went into a library to look for books on turtles..

Me: "Do you have books on turtles?"

Librarian leaves and comes back after a few minutes.

Librarian : "Hard back?"

Me:"Yeah,with a little head."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanglimara
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a place turtles go that don't have shells?

A homeless shell-ter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lambo1722
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle with a plastic bag on its head?

A can't sea turtle!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the snail say while riding on the turtles back?

WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cymyk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of turtle only comes out at night?

a NOCTURTLE!

...night shift has not been good to me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notthekyrieirving
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
After slamming on my brakes to move a turtle from the road to a nearby body of water I turned to my wife...

... And said 'Honey, he will be e-turtle-y grateful.'

This is a true story, happened today.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AzarVC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What would the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles call Master Splinter if they had become brake specialists instead of ninjas?

Master Cylinder

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fubarfrank
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the SHELL station

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angadb456
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My nephew and I saw a huge turtle in my in-laws yard. He took a picture to put on Snapchat.

Me: #snappingturtle

Nephew: No response

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arshort
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A family of 6 turtles goes on a vacation

They start walking towards the beach, on the 2nd day it starts raining. The turtle family realise that they forgot the umbrellas back home.

It was decided that the dad turtle would run back home and come back with the umbrellas.

β€˜No way’ the dad turtle said, β€˜you guys would finish up the muffins while I’m away’. The family assured him that they won’t touch the muffins until he’s back.

Reluctantly, the dad turtle starts walking home.

More than 5 days passed and there was no sign of dad turtle coming back.

The young turtles were hungry and there were nothing but muffins left. The mom turtle decided to give the muffins to the young ones.

As soon as she reached the muffin bag, the dad turtle jumped out of his hiding from a nearby tree and said β€˜I knew it you would eat the muffins while I’m gone’

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinnaey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Turtle Porn
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickdegregorio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle crossed with a porcupine?

A slowpoke

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnitedVindicator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
🚨︎ report
An Alpino Turtle imgur.com/jvgiDgY
πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yoichi_Hiruma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Today, I can't decide whether to wear a turtle neck or a henway.

What's a henway? | About two or three pounds.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vegtosterone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crystal-lizard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
We saw a group of turtles on the highway...

Me: "I wonder where they are going."

Him: "They're probably heading to the nearest Shell station."

πŸ‘︎ 466
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burbada
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Turtle waxing poetic imgur.com/gallery/F09551H
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Morris_Less
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
🚨︎ report
How many turtles does it take to screw in a light bulb

At least 2 but the trick is getting them in there in the first

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nerull1252
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why could the turtle never marry?

He took a vow of shellebacy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slmckay73
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
🚨︎ report
If I got a pet turtle, it would have to be a female.

So I could name her Herschel Walker.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Manartguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle that can’t keep a secret?

A tur-tell

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scummynornor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What's worse than a giraffe wearing a turtle neck sweater?

A turtle wearing a giraffe neck sweater.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dymogeek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the number one name for a female turtle

michelle

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angrydispatcher
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
🚨︎ report
At our town's 4th of July fireworks show, a vendor was selling pet turtles. My wife, impulsive animal lover that she is, bought one.

After the fireworks, we were gathering up our things to leave. She asked if her new turtle was OK. I picked up its little carrier, peered inside, and said, "It looks a little shell-shocked."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
As I always say to my son's pet turtle...

"you can hide, but you can't run."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/guitarzan531
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle with a propeller on it's back?

A Shellicopter

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HE77B0Y
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
🚨︎ report
After coming back from the vet and finding my turtle needs surgery.

Me: ::starring blankly while eating dinner:: Wife: Are you just shell shocked at the price?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zcamper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you see that the IRS was doing a bunch of audits and found one corporation listed a turtle as their CEO?

Turns out it was a shell company.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stretch85
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
What do turtles post online?

Shellfies

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blissfulchaos88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
🚨︎ report
What does it mean if you see a turtle on a fence post?

Somebody put it there.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/misterkidney
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?

He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Turtles have always been the best teachers

They tortoise everything

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hobartcatcafe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left him.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
🚨︎ report

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