Looking for a turtle pun :)

Can u guys help mi with this one :) need it for my presentation.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle...

Strange name, but she tortoise well .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
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What do you get when you combine a porcupine and a turtle?

A slowpoke!

*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wqiu_f1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Daddy, look! Those turtles are playing piggyback! Son, I was going to wait till you were older for this talk but...

Those are tortoises , not turtles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/modular-emergence
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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What kinds of photos do turtles take??

Shelfies!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kub3rt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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What happens to a turtle when it dies?

It goes into riga-tortoise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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My son wanted jellyfish for his sea turtle.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bettaa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Teenage Mutant CHINja Turtles
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fooooock
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?

A slow cooker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpisodicDoleWhip
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Customer: Do you have any books on turtles?

Store owner: Hard cover?

Customer: Yes, with little heads

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvz32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I went to the book store and asked the assistant for any books about turtles.

She asked " Hardback? " And I said.. .." yeah, and little heads. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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How did the mean turtle cross the road?

Slowly but surly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthLukas71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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How does a legless turtle cross the road? 🐒

Take the F out of free and take the F out of way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VascalDaRascal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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I mean hes a bread turtle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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What do you call an Italian turtle?

A turtleini.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSamsquanch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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I haven’t been able find my pet turtle for the past few months

Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegoodwookie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?

A cowabungalow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I asked a librarian if she had a book about Turtles.

She said hardback? I said yeah with a little head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Figure-13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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What do you a thin turtle that is a god?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xoyamec69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.

This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.

Joke by Terry Pratchett, β€˜The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatashiStickKid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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What's a turtle family called?

A shell company.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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If I want to make Escargot and turtle soup for dinner....

Do I need to use a slow cooker?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sjdiver2001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Why did the turtle go to T-mobile

Because he couldn't sprint

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenjopac
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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I went into the library and asked for a book on turtles.

The lady said, "hardback?" I replied, "yes, with little wrinkled heads"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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How do you know your turtle is dead?

Rigortortoise sets in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuccessfulRadish3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?

He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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Which ninja turtle likes pastries?

Donutello

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelkamote
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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"Move it! Yer Turtle-y blocking the road!" v.redd.it/dq9sg5g25l941
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaz_Man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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turtle torture

what do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?

tortellini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, β€œI’ll take a turtle soup...

and make it snappy”.

I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Marcellus-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Makes a mean turtle soup
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesr14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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What do you call a lesson on turtles?

A turtorial

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EoinM17
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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What does a turtle do on their birthday?

They shellabrate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnhhjmmnnbggh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I went to a party dressed as a turtle with my daughter on my back, and someone asked what was on my back.

I said it's Michelle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoll_boi_fire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Me at the bookstore: Do you have any books on turtles?

Cashier: Hard back?

Me: yea, with little heads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OppositeWolf770
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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You don't often see "turtles" spelled T-U-R-D-l-e-s

because they're an endangered feces

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Turtles
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRobotics5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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My turtle was upset.. he couldnt afford the new shell-phone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smilingball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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What did the snail say while riding on the turtles back?

Wheeeeeeeee!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuandaryOfRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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What do you call a turtle missing one leg?

Turtle leanie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursppachulli
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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Dad walking into bookstore. "Do you have any books on Turtles?"

Worker: "Hardback?"

Dad: "Yeah, with little heads."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Do you have any books on turtles?

"Hard back?"

Yes, and with little heads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flameboy42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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Why do we think the turtle is the wisest animal?

Because it has tortoise so much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solaricos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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A man is sitting at a bar when he notices a turtle near the register. It is covered with bandages ....

and not moving. "So uh, what's the deal with the dead turtle?" he asks. The barkeep perks up, "Dead? you say? I'll have you know that this is the fastest turtle on Earth!" "In fact, I have fifty dollars that say **this** turtle can beat **you** to the other side of the room!" The man looks at the motionless turtle and says, "Alright - Your on!" "on the count of three" says the bartender. "one" "two" "three!" and he picks up the turtle and throws it across the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?

He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle

Strange name but she tortoise well..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarvedAsian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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