Tortoise Puns

Sanjay: Why?

Ajay: Because he seems very shy - I'm hoping the psychiatrist can help me to bring him out of his shell.

To get to the Shell station.

A slow poke

Tortellini

It was a turtle disaster!

I am a proud father.

Wife: Your teacher has a Russian Tortoise.

6-year old son: Why is called Russian when it goes so slow.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Bonus dad points the longer you draw it out with your arms in the air and/or in a public place)

It was a turtle disaster.

My SO and I were wondering what the plural of tortoise was.

"Is it tortoises or tortae?" we asked, walking.

"We're in Mexico, it's tortilla."

what do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?

tortellini

She really likes debate, she runs a debate club. She likes chocolate cake. Her favourite animal is a tortoise. She is really good at playing instruments and she plays the bassoon. Anything will help, thank you!

So I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Nothing, he forgot

They tortoise a lot.

Strange name but she tortoise well..

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck nam

A turtorial

Because it has tortoise so much.

Odd name but she tortoise well

So she could star in “The Tortoise and the Hair.”

Tortoise

Rigor tortoise

They tortoise everything

I heard on the radio that a truck full of terrapins crashed into a truck full of tortoises. The police said it was a turtle disaster.

I was at work today speaking with a few of my coworkers when we start talking about lunch. Two of my coworkers start talking about fast food restaurants they like going to when:

CW: I try not to eat fast food, but I really can’t help myself sometimes!

Me: I try to eat the slowest food possible, which is why I exclusively eat Tortoises.

CW: Well, all of—

It took them a couple seconds, but when they all looked at me with that “oh my gosh, you said what?” look, it made it all worth it.

Did I ever tell you about the one between a tortoise and a hare?

I spotted a turtle swimming in one of the ponds. A kid with a family next to me excitedly said, "it looks like he 's coming over here!"

To which I replied, "yeah, he's coming right tortoise."

They tortoise everything