What can you do for a tortoise that was falling in love but now is only falling apart?

Nothing you can do, it’s a turtle eclipse of the heart

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyCatlc
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A lorry full of tortoises just hit a van full of terrapins.

It’s a turtle disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell a joke about the tortoise and the hare

But I thought it might be a little too racy for you.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins

I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix a tortoise with a porcupine?

A slow poke

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a lorry of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?

A turtle disaster

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWonkyTardis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The Tortoise : I won the Race...

The Hare : you beat me in the race but i had a nap, so who's the Real Winner.?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/europiece-of-shit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?

Where you left it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zschmeez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
GALAPAYES TORTOISE
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the tortoise cross the road?

To get to the Shell station.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a baking school, they tortoise how to make those.
πŸ‘︎ 164
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/talha283838
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
For the narcistic tortoise
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?

Tortellini

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/niggety
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when two tortoises collided?

It was a turtle disaster!

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clickclackkayak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Russian Tortoise

I am a proud father.

Wife: Your teacher has a Russian Tortoise.

6-year old son: Why is called Russian when it goes so slow.

πŸ‘︎ 748
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeStump21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the snail say while riding on a tortoise?

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Bonus dad points the longer you draw it out with your arms in the air and/or in a public place)

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DylansDad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
🚨︎ report
The plural of tortoise in Mexico

My SO and I were wondering what the plural of tortoise was.

"Is it tortoises or tortae?" we asked, walking.

"We're in Mexico, it's tortilla."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lazarus_Pits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I never learned about turtles at school because our teachers never tortoise
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinags
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell a joke about the tortoise and the hare

But I thought it might be a little too racy for you.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A van full of terrapins ran into a truck full of tortoises.

It was a near turtle disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McKavian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A van full of terrapins crashed into a van full of tortoises.

It was a turtle disaster!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a porcupine

A slow poke

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a van full of tortoises had crashed on the highway today.

It was a turtle disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/USAneedsAJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.