A van full of terrapins crashed into a van full of tortoises.

It was a turtle disaster!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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What do you get when you mix a tortoise with a porcupine?

A slow poke

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What do you call it when a lorry of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?

A turtle disaster

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWonkyTardis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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The Tortoise : I won the Race...

The Hare : you beat me in the race but i had a nap, so who's the Real Winner.?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/europiece-of-shit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?

Where you left it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zschmeez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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GALAPAYES TORTOISE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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Why did the tortoise cross the road?

To get to the Shell station.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a porcupine

A slow poke

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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What do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?

Tortellini

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/niggety
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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I went to a baking school, they tortoise how to make those.
πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/talha283838
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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For the narcistic tortoise
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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What happened when two tortoises collided?

It was a turtle disaster!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clickclackkayak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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Russian Tortoise

I am a proud father.

Wife: Your teacher has a Russian Tortoise.

6-year old son: Why is called Russian when it goes so slow.

πŸ‘︎ 748
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeStump21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
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What did the snail say while riding on a tortoise?

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Bonus dad points the longer you draw it out with your arms in the air and/or in a public place)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DylansDad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
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I saw a van full of tortoises had crashed on the highway today.

It was a turtle disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USAneedsAJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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The plural of tortoise in Mexico

My SO and I were wondering what the plural of tortoise was.

"Is it tortoises or tortae?" we asked, walking.

"We're in Mexico, it's tortilla."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lazarus_Pits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
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I never learned about turtles at school because our teachers never tortoise
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinags
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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