Why can you always trust a hippopotamus?

Because hips don't lie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TempTeDX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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What do you call a pessimistic hippopotamus?

Hippocritical.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rslashhuman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus?

Or a hip opotamus? A very cool opotamus

Got from Mitch hedbergs Conan set, seemed like the right forum for it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eclectic211
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Is a hippopotamus just a really hip opotamus?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boybot36
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/respectively288
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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The giraffe says to the hippopotamus, "You know Joe the lion? He told me he's a shape shifter. Can turn into any animal he wants."

The hippopotamus scoffs. "That guy? Nah, he's always lion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwFxxxIt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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A hippopotamus will never believe you if you tell it itβ€˜s fat.

It’s because they’re in the Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/herpdiderp99
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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At the zoo there is a famous hippopotamus critic they named Al. There is only one problem.

He is hippo critic Al.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/life_of_loki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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What the difference between a hippopotamus and a Zippo?

A hippopotamus is a very heavy animal and a Zippo is a little lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegansAnnoyMe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Did you hear about the hippopotamus at the zoo that thought he was a duck?

The vetarians diagnosed him with being a little quacky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slickace1215
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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Why did the mathematician lie adjacent to the hippopotamus?

Cos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yesirote
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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Hey what do you call a Hippopotamus with no butt

A Hippobottomless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theindoorpug
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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What part of a hippopotamus' brain is most affected by a college education?

The hippocampus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/csbingel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?

They're really good at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Why don't you ever see hippopotamuses hiding in trees?

Because their really good at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fudog1138
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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What do they call the university for hippopotamuses?

The HippoCampus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiLifino
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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Pythagoras the explorer (long)

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just weren’t any other hides available

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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That's an Oddly Shaped Pie

There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".

The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.

So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomfc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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What do you do to a elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the hippopotamus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Three Squaws

An Indian chief had three squaws. One slept on a cow hide, one slept on a horse hide, and one slept on a hippopotamus hide. As the months went by, each squaw gave him his heirs. The one on the horse hide gave him a son. The one on the cow hide also gave him a son. But the one on the hippopotamus hide gave him twin sons.

This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws if the other two hides.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatchRacall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
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I thought /r/puns might enjoy these

A couple puns.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."


There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-REDDlT-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2012
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Ugh. My dad just told me a joke he is all proud of. It's terrible. Don't even bother with this one

"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"

The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.

The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.

The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.

"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"

A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McBurger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Why can you always trust a hippopotamus?

Because hips don't lie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TempTeDX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/respectively288
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?

They're really good at it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?

They're really good at it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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