Hot and fresh, made to order puns!
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I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."
Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
Which country orders the most takeout?
I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height
I guess they were critter-sizing me
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”
What Did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse in order to rest?
Yea, I have my priorities In order
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.
My barista didn’t filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining order.
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.
You’re just getting a head of yourself.
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
What does a virus need to do in order to reach more people?
It needs to strain itself.
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
Let’s order takeaway because mom cannot finish making dinner by 7pm tonight.
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?
A Brrrrrrger.
What fast food does a young cannibal order?
When I order Indian food I get to eat all of it myself.
No one else ever wants naan.
My wife told me today that when I got her food order, that I need to remember to ask for cheese or they wouldn’t add it.
I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!
Sbarro pizza company charged with violating state COVID executive order
They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.
Good evening. I'll see my self out...
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, “Burger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?”.
“No”, replies the burger, “but I can tell you you’re going to need an umbrella later.”
“Oh, sorry”, said the man, “I thought you were a meaty urologist”.
Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.
It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.
A group of bedazzled tarps and a bunch of poles walk into a restaurant and order some stakes....
Things became pretty tents.
Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...
Bartender says, “That will be $20.20.”
He's just following orders
I can order pizza in two languages
I guess that makes me Pielinguel
My son is going to therapy in order to treat his aibohphobia
He is even scared of saying it
The wife was asking for recognition over the labours she endured for me, in order to give me my two kids...
So I thanked her for her cervix.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer
The barman says what's it with the long face
What did the werewolf order from the ice cream shop?
What did the broke guy order at the strip club’s ‘legs ‘n’ eggs’ show?
Teacher : “Can you list the 10 Commandments in any order”
Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
Olive Garden has a new program where you can order an entree to be delivered to a friend.
The people serving me at restaurants are super polite even when I take the longest time to order
I guess that's why they are called waiters
Next time this will be my order in bar for this year
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".
That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
A man walks into a bar and orders a child
"Sorry," says the bartender, "we don't serve minors."
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a Corona and two hurricanes
The bartender says, “that’ll be $20.20”
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
A man walks into a bar, orders Corona and 2 hurricanes
Bartenders says, “That’ll be $20.20”
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