Hot and fresh, made to order puns!

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I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."

Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrAcurite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer

The bartender says we don't serve food here

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Which country orders the most takeout?

Togo.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height

I guess they were critter-sizing me

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What Did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse in order to rest?

Ministop

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingExpertise
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Yea, I have my priorities In order

eiiioprrst

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4nig4y
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.

"6 please. I could never eat 12."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.

We call her, Miss Steak.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My barista didn’t filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining order.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.

You’re just getting a head of yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
πŸ‘︎ 452
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πŸ‘€︎ u/horrorhoney
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a virus need to do in order to reach more people?

It needs to strain itself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.

Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinner_cat96
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Let’s order takeaway because mom cannot finish making dinner by 7pm tonight.

She ran out of thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoSHEEE
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domidoms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What fast food does a young cannibal order?

A kids meal.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a-scott-s-tot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.

And a mop.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/starkers107
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
When I order Indian food I get to eat all of it myself.

No one else ever wants naan.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GolfInside
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me today that when I got her food order, that I need to remember to ask for cheese or they wouldn’t add it.

I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanjiroku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Sbarro pizza company charged with violating state COVID executive order

They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.

Good evening. I'll see my self out...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldeweyjr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, β€œBurger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?”.

β€œNo”, replies the burger, β€œbut I can tell you you’re going to need an umbrella later.”

β€œOh, sorry”, said the man, β€œI thought you were a meaty urologist”.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.

It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A group of bedazzled tarps and a bunch of poles walk into a restaurant and order some stakes....

Things became pretty tents.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yournannycam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...

Bartender says, β€œThat will be $20.20.”

πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
He's just following orders
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I can order pizza in two languages

I guess that makes me Pielinguel

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VenrableWhite
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My son is going to therapy in order to treat his aibohphobia

He is even scared of saying it

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rex2000-2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The wife was asking for recognition over the labours she endured for me, in order to give me my two kids...

So I thanked her for her cervix.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar and orders a Corona and two hurricanes

The bartender says, β€œthat’ll be $20.20”

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer

The barman says what's it with the long face

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the werewolf order from the ice cream shop?

AWOOOOOOtbeer float!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andi-wankenobi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the broke guy order at the strip club’s β€˜legs β€˜n’ eggs’ show?

A pair of frittatas.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JumpinJaccFlash
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Teacher : β€œCan you list the 10 Commandments in any order”

Johnny: β€œ3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.

I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMA_SWEET
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar, orders Corona and 2 hurricanes

Bartenders says, β€œThat’ll be $20.20”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joey_m47
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Olive Garden has a new program where you can order an entree to be delivered to a friend.

It’s called Send Noodz.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The people serving me at restaurants are super polite even when I take the longest time to order

I guess that's why they are called waiters

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Panagiotis1357
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Next time this will be my order in bar for this year
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samtxneo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?

Souper size

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".

That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....

the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Thank you and have a nice day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar and orders a child

"Sorry," says the bartender, "we don't serve minors."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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