What do you call the British Empire for ants?
How is the British child of an Australian bear and a Antarctic sea animal like a Tupperware?
They're both koala-tea-seals!
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo
The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump
One administrator of Cloud City struck a New Deal with the Empire: Franklin DeLando Roosevelt
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can even look at himself in the mirror.
I told my wife, “From here on, I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order.”
She said, “Where will you find the time?”
Me: Easy. Right next to the sage.
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Why did the British armadillo cross the road?
So I order a drink on the rocks with a hint of citrus...
I was given a drink with limestone.
Did you hear about the British plastic surgeon who specializes in lip enhancement?
What did the Pirates of the Caribbean order from the Bakery?
They said they wanted a torte to go.
Using my telescope, I could barely make out the British coin worth one fourth of a penny after I launched it into the upper atmosphere...
What did the skeleton order with his beer?
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
Who do British people pronounce the word as Bri ish?
Because they drank all the tea
Two man walk into a coffee shop, one of them orders a Cup of Tea and starts stripping.
The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?
To which the second man says: he's new to Tea
I ordered a Caesar salad from the restaurant for lunch today.
They absolutely killed it.
Did you hear what Mr.T said about the thirsty British impersonators?
I pity the fool who missed their tea!!!
My girlfriend and I only watch the first two-thirds of every Great British Baking Show episode.
The final challenge is a real showstopper.
I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
My mom, ordering at a restaurant: I’ll have the chef’s salad, please.
Dad: Honey, that’s a little rude. Just have your own.
Terrorist walks into a bar and orders a vodka on the rocks
Bartender picks up a piece of ice, and asks "you like ice?"
Terrorist says "Yes, but more than one would be nice"
Bartender grabs another piece of ice and asks "so, you like ices?"
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
A physicist sees a man about to jump off of the Empire State Building...
He yells,” Don’t do it, you have too much potential”
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
Has anyone seen the British version of Moana?
How did the Roman Empire get split in two?
So I was at Chili’s the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why
I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. I’m now banned at all Chili’s restaurants in the USA
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
Turns out there’s a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords
If a clock you ordered arrived in the mail,
That means your time is here
I heard a kangaroo can jump higher than the Empire State building.
Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
Why don't British people pronounce the T in British?
Because they already drank all the T!
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
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