Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
Two guys at a bar order drinks. The first says "I'll have some H2O." The second says "Yeah, I'll have some H2O too."
What did the Pirates of the Caribbean order from the Bakery?
They said they wanted a torte to go.
There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.
The Police believe they’re still at large.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
Which country orders the most takeout?
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
Why did President Xi Jinping order the caplock keys to be removed from all Chinas computers?
Because he was afraid of Capitalism!
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
The wife was asking for recognition over the labours she endured for me, in order to give me my two kids...
So I thanked her for her cervix.
What did the werewolf order from the ice cream shop?
What did the broke guy order at the strip club’s ‘legs ‘n’ eggs’ show?
Teacher : “Can you list the 10 Commandments in any order”
Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?
The butcher kept getting my order wrong. He gave me a porterhouse instead of a filet mignon!
He said it was a mis-steak.
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied ‘yeh but that’s rare’
The people serving me at restaurants are super polite even when I take the longest time to order
I guess that's why they are called waiters
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
A neutron goes up to the bar and orders a drink.
When asking the bartender how much it costs they reply “For you? No charge.”
Hey r/subway, subway gave me the wrong order. What should I do?
Did you hear about the penguin that couldn't order a beer sampler?
He was a flightless bird.
I would do anything to get more customers at my restaurant to order the meat loaf.
My uncle is really good at fishing. He always knows exactly what kind of worm to put on his fishing hook, in order to catch the desired kind of fish.
One might say he is a master baiter.
What did the cannibal order at a restaurant?
The order for this countertop has no address
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
What did the russian author order for breakfast?
How does the computer programmer order all her books?
By the Dewey Hexadecimal System!
Whenever my friend smells, he says things in the wrong order.
He's got a terrible case of body Yoda
Went to my butchers for my dinner but he gave me the wrong order
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said alphabetically or by age
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order: 456123?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
Judge: Order in the court!
Me: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries
I thought we're supposed to isolate in order to "flatten the curve,"
but I'm only getting fatter.
-My dad
I told my wife I was going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order. She said "Where would you find the time ?"
I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender says...
"Sorry we don’t serve food here."
I told my wife, “I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.”
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “That should be easy. Next to the sage.”
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