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I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."
Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
I told my wife, “From here on, I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order.”
She said, “Where will you find the time?”
Me: Easy. Right next to the sage.
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
I've placed simultaneous orders for a rotisserie chicken on Uber Eats, and for an egg omelette on DoorDash
Looks like we're about to find out, once and for all, what comes first!
I called in an order for pickup at my local vegan grocery, but they said they don't serve devil worshipers...
All I said was: kale, seitan.
Why did the pun master order a glass coffin for his own funeral?
Because he wanted his friends to see what he dead there.
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
What do you order when you don’t want to share your food?
What did the skeleton order with his beer?
Back in the 70s and 80s, I’d often dress up nicely, go out and order dinner for one, see movies alone, take long solitary walks...
Wow, I’m really dating myself.
Loretta Lynn’s father walks into a bar and orders a bourbon.
Bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve miners....”
Jazz icon Dave Brubeck's deli order?
Blue Rondo à la Turkey on Rye.
Someone told me Trumps last order as president is to outlaw shredded cheese.
Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again 🤔
In order to find you a measuring tape,
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink
He tells the bartender, “put it on my bill”
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
Two man walk into a coffee shop, one of them orders a Cup of Tea and starts stripping.
The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?
To which the second man says: he's new to Tea
Terrorist walks into a bar and orders a vodka on the rocks
Bartender picks up a piece of ice, and asks "you like ice?"
Terrorist says "Yes, but more than one would be nice"
Bartender grabs another piece of ice and asks "so, you like ices?"
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?
So I was at Chili’s the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why
I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. I’m now banned at all Chili’s restaurants in the USA
What do you get if you divorce your mail-order bride?
What did the Pirates of the Caribbean order from the Bakery?
They said they wanted a torte to go.
So I order a drink on the rocks with a hint of citrus...
I was given a drink with limestone.
Two guys at a bar order drinks. The first says "I'll have some H2O." The second says "Yeah, I'll have some H2O too."
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
When you order a clock online and it arrives
A Dad goes to a restaurant and orders a salad
Waitress: "Not a problem, what kind of dressing do you prefer?"
Dad: "Un dressing is my favorite"
Credit: my old man
A length of rope walks into a bar and orders two shots...
the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, “ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, “ No, I’m a frayed knot”.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.
The Police believe they’re still at large.
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
Which country orders the most takeout?
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
My barista didn’t filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining order.
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.
What does a virus need to do in order to reach more people?
It needs to strain itself.
What Did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse in order to rest?
Why did President Xi Jinping order the caplock keys to be removed from all Chinas computers?
Because he was afraid of Capitalism!
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?
A Brrrrrrger.
What fast food does a young cannibal order?
Yea, I have my priorities In order
Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...
Bartender says, “That will be $20.20.”
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.
You’re just getting a head of yourself.
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.
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