People act like the North and South poles are exactly the same
...but really, there’s a whole world of differences between them.
My Wife told our kids they need to get their acts together.
I asked if it would be ok if they gathered their swords instead. She was not amused.
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
I won’t act like I’m not impressed
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
I'm thinking of entering a talent show. I have two ideas for my act. Either a Blues Traveler cover band, or an impression of Richard Nixon.
I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.
My friend told me, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”
It was a third degree burn.
I just saw a couple guys in white face act like they were caught in a trap and can't walk out.
People act really weird on the Metro
It must be a sub-culture...
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
Ever since my sex change my son acts like I’m not here...
Maybe it’s because I’m trans-parent
So they are making this movie where Michael J. Fox voice acts for a time traveling chicken.
They call it Bawk to the Future.
I look just like my dad, but I’m really embarrassed by how he acts.
He’s my apparent aberrant parent
My wife takes away my inhaler whenever I act up
To this day, she still takes my breath away
Act as if you are a carrier...
The following depicts scenes of gratuitous heteronormative sexual acts
Sensitive viewers are advised to avert their gays
I suddenly couldn't go out and act because I received lots of crates of materials...
When my kleptomania acts up,
Everyone acts like they’re so PC these days
But Mac sales have been going up!
I really want to see Patrick Warburton do a stand-up comedy act where he just reads dad jokes.
That shit would be Kronk.
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...
He must have been having a bad har day.
Why Do You Have To Act Quickly During A Flood
Because it's an emergent sea.
What happens when Po from kung fu panda acts like a jerk?
He becomes a skadouchebag
My friend wanted to go over our act for the variety show...
What is it called when you witness an act of god in a mirror?
What do you call a chick that acts like a dude?
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude and acts lazy?
A beaver that doesn't give a dam!
If being cool was an act of terrorism then I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize
My magician friend used to have a part of his act where he saws a donkey in half...
It was a half-assed attempt at magic.
How do directors know if an actor is acting or just pretending to act?
I called to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute act…
It was an automated phone system which said, "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show…"
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
For a while Harry Houdini used trap doors in every act.
It was a stage he was going through.
When I went into the barn I saw my father doing a strip tease act in front of our tractor
He explained that he went to a marriage counselor because mom didn't want to be intimate anymore. The counselor told him he should do something sexy to attract her.
My mime friend's best performance is when he acts like a piece of paper...
The female version of The Bro Code should be called The Sister Act.
I got kicked out of the Mime Academy for performing unspeakable acts
Kind of glad they kicked me out because their curriculum made me feel boxed in
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
Why must you act quickly during a flood?
Because it's an emergent sea.
My wife said that I act like a detective too much and that she wants to split up.
I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
My wife said “You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot…”
It was a third degree burn
You have to act quickly during a flood.
Because it's an emergent sea.
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
