No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

β€œI play a little guitar!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?

Because they think every check is check mate

πŸ‘︎ 419
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randombot777
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard for T. Rex to play the piano?

They're extinct.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to play the triangle in a Reggae band but I left though

It was just one ting after another.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebellionRob75
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Earlier my friend used to play Badminton but then he got some training. Now he plays Goodminton.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalHybrid127
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of whales play instruments?

An Orcastra

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
If you're into gaming history, then you must play on the classic consoles,

it's NESessary

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame.

But the instructions just say β€˜You know the rules, and so do I”

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Lily's fatal Greek mythology school play.

Lily liked Greek mythology a lot. Her favorite character was the titaness Rhea. She loved the story about her outsmarting Cronus with a stone in order to get her children back. She loved it so much in fact, that for the sake or realism, she decided to eat some rocks too for the upcoming school play she took part in! But, very soon after going onto the stage, poor Lily started convulsing on the floor. It was a poor decision to eat the stones. She knew that. But at least, she could die a Rhea.

.
.
.
I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrotherTausil
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Best game to play on a huge boat?

Yacht-zee

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Do you know what happens when you play a country record backwards?

Your truck comes back, your wife comes back, your dog comes back, your trailer isn’t flooded...

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid wanted to play 2d life.

So I installed 4 installs of half-life.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elfere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
What is something a Christian kid plays?

PrayStation

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Afternoonn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...

"...mountains peak!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
I heard they want to find a new actor to play Iron Man

Guess they'll need to cast someone.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhishekms89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was asked to play the triangle in our local symphony orchestra! But I quit because . . .

It was just one ting after another.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/urkdor73
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Power play coming up.
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_Toast897
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t they play poker in the savanna?

There’s too many cheetahs.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H8spants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I play Chess regularly with my friend, but last time he suddenly said " let's make this interesting "...

..so we stopped and went home.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t skeletons play church music?

They don’t have any organs.

πŸ‘︎ 342
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormallyWierd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the best kind of music to play before Christmas?

Rap music

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobertJSh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a big cat that doesn't play by the rules?

A cheetah!

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œWhy don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?”

I said, β€œThat’s.....a novel idea.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
An American, landing in India: Does anyone here know how to play baseball?

India: crickets

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
You know the problem with watching someone play a racing game?

Too many spoilers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wofguy3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.

But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.

πŸ‘︎ 215
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the musician play that landed him in jail?

He played a D minor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kboisno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...

Michigan

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RontaukMonster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Christmas decoration made of $100 bills that can play R&B hits?

Aretha Franklins.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do cows never play chess?

Because they can’t make any mooooooooove

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oraefaibohp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Some say there is no way for a woman to play Cat Woman correctly

but Anne Hathaway

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I play minesweeper while my wife cleans the house...

Because she is dealing with hersweeper

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rubenmiq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Intervals aren't the first reason to learn to play an instrument.

But they are a major second.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SD_Swift
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife plays soccer with her hands.

She's a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What sport do villains play the most?

BadMenTon

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a British guy when he has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?

PunGent

Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the Christmas game that Germans play?

Eleven on the shelf.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evilmd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My teammates hate that I don’t pass when I play hockey.

I honestly don’t give a puck.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Civilian76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best city in Kansas to play Hide-and-Seek?

No-peek-a

Invented by an 8 year old.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GovernorZipper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?

Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strungen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't skeletons play competitive sports?

They don't have any skin in the game.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I get depressed if I don’t play video games.

I always need to console myself.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't skeletons play church music?

They don't have any organs.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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