You would think that a snail without a shell would move that bit faster..?

but it's actually more sluggish..

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
They should move pride month to September...

Because pride cometh before the fall.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeglos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
I live next to the rubbish dump and have a huge fly problem, the bloody things are everywhere. It's gotten so bad I've decided to sell my house and move...

to a no-fly zone

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
Move over BLM, make way for DLM.

Dyslexic lives mattress

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What's the fastest way to move cattle from one field to another?

A cowapult

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wippwipp
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"

The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
In the best Dadjoke move of all time..

Stephen King actually named his son Joe.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Futch1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Why didnt the notepad move

Because it was stationary

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toffeemanstan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What do you use to move an iron boat?

You use an iron oar (ore)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir-Toppemhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
My son told me to move aside.

So I said "Sorry, I only have a B side."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, did you remember to move the clocks forward last night?”

β€˜Yeah, but they fell off the shelf.”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
My DJ Friend helped me pack my stuff and move.

I told him he's a sound guy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CocaKoolAid228
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Season 2 of the Queen’s Gambit will have Beth Harmon move to Prague.

The chess playing main character wants a Czech mate

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
"I’ve managed not to move for an entire week"

"What do you want, atrophy?"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lurebat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
What do cowboys use to move from state to state?

Yee-Hauls

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iAmDrakesEyebrows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
Dick move
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onlyformemes123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
While I was gardening a potato was watching me and criticizing my every move. He thought he was big stuff.

But I think he was just a commontater

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheezeturds
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I'd really like to move to Switzerland one day

I hear the flag's a real plus.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Some_Kind_of_Fan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Laying on the grass...”two tired”...to move
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?

Gnomads.

(I'm not a dad but I came up with this one last year and have been dying to share it.)

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadLuck627
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a spider with outdated dance moves?

A dabby long legs

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akewlname
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
The flag is not the only reason to move to Switzerland

but its a big plus.

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mathisfakenews
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....

It goes without saying...

πŸ‘︎ 667
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland is offering foreign tech workers the chance to relocate to the Nordic country for 90 days to see if they want to make the move permanent.

If they don't, after the 90 days they will finnish being Finnish

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akodo1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me why the notepad on my desk never moves

I tell them it’s stationary

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtaldad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
How does an avocado move?

They guac.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flash_Fire009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call the 2nd richest man, when he moves to Mexico?

Jeff Pesos.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
I asked some clams to help me move but all they wanted to do was sit there and breathe seawater.

I told them they were just being shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?

A trophy!!!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshually
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Today morning when I stood on the weighing scale it didn't move at all

I was like 0MG

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oakvard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend said that its impossible for a river to move through the desert.

I told him he was in deNile.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Which country did Usain Bolt move to after his retirement?

Iran.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How do actors move around film sets?

On a segue.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Pack and move
πŸ‘︎ 392
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWildNazis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pig's karate moves?

Pork chops. (Credit to my baby sister who just told me this.)

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShielFoxFTW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a donkey that refuses to move?

Bad ass.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConstableBrew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I was planning to move to the Arctic circle for a few months.

He said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 166
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 554
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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