Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 549
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
You would think that a Snail without a shell would move that bit faster ?

But it's actually more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 187
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
I got a fake passport to move to Sydney

I call it my Australias

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dmanz21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
Due to the state of the pandemic I decided to move to my house boat for a while

I'm boating absentee

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sycliantableigit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a calm person who moves around a lot?

A no-mad

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RD1K
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
Pack and move
πŸ‘︎ 393
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWildNazis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Around the turn of 1900, two Friars move to London to start up a florist shop. Well this didn't sit well with the established florist shop down on the corner.

The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.

The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/facts_my_guyy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
My church can move faster than light

It has no mass

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/im_a_homan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
Being a wheelchair user must be wheelie hard to move on especially when someone walks out on you
πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imperfectshane
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you move a rabbit from one spot to another?

A hare transplant.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Eskimos’ signature wrestling move?

The Arctic Choke

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babyhamstah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I beat the local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.

Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.

Dad: The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
As much as you might move around an envelope

It'll always be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_sewer_rat_0900
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
What is the best tool to make a car move?

A screw driver

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I told my mom that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.

She said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What does Darth Vader use to move up and down?

The Elevader.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Marv1236
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Depending on your golf handicap you can move your tee forwards or backwards

Move it too far forward and it becomes a birdie tee.

Too far back and it becomes a bogey tee

Get it just right?

Now that's a party.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
This is such a rookie move
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?

He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Why did the Smurf family decide not to move into the new house?

There wasn't mushroom.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
If you want to live drama-free, you should move to India.

They don't have beef with anyone.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burpmeister
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
I started my new job at the local hospital helping to move patients around the hospital

It’s not much, but it’s a rewarding job

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RavenxMiyagi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
When pirates move out of Kansas, which state do they choose?

ARkansas.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B0B_LAW
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.

A Christmas stalking.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
My friend moves on foot with a pompous gait while carrying an airplane wing bracing...

He walks with a strut.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
I was helping my friend move when I accidentally dropped his box of vinyl down a long flight of stairs.

The distance it fell was record breaking.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
Nobody moves! This is a
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spllash01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the twins move back in together?

They wanted to go back to being womb-mates

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck-Dieazel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
"Move it! Yer Turtle-y blocking the road!" v.redd.it/dq9sg5g25l941
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaz_Man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
A dick move indeed
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BZK_Breaks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Man, wait till you hear what my finishing move was at the Battleship competition!

I One

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
The plan to move the pallets went off without a hitch. v.redd.it/br7lyin1qy531
πŸ‘︎ 493
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inDgenious
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call it when your previous wife moves to New York from a small town?

ex and The City

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LuneFox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
I bribed my friends into helping me move by buying an extra large stuffed crust pepperoni...

I call it β€œinfluen-za.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dcrose89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
My roommate said if I keep stealing her kitchen utensils she’s gonna move out...

That’s a whisk I’m willing to take!

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Luc1113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisenberg4269
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Egyptians stay in Egypt instead of move somewhere greener

Denile

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C3Life
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
If a guy moves to a country because it's flag is big plus, but does not become a citizen of said country,

Does that make him Swede-ish?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
an english man, a french man, an italian man and a german man goes to a show the showman sees that they didnt see them well so he moves and ask them if the see him they said

Yes Oui Sì Ja (sorry if its long)

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bis_Quit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to move to Sweden.

Her: Why what's good about Sweden?

Me: I don't know, but there flag is a big plus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrikeyKillz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If Pete Buttigieg wins the election, he'll be the first person to move from the judicial branch to the executive.

(Booty Judge)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/powermad47
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Moves
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dontbemulatto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
what's a mathematicians favourite gymnastic move?

a sum-mersault

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eddotcom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man that can't move and can't have a child?

Manapaused...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuxedPotato
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Outstanding move
πŸ‘︎ 234
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endofdaays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
"Move t'ward the rudder, matey!" The captain yelled.

"Aye aye, cap'n," the first mate said as he gave him astern look.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Snails don't move any faster if you remove their shells.

In fact, they become more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 221
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brizzo7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Dont move
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kushiland
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
As I move into the new year, my future only seems fuzzy...

I guess I just need a better resolution

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bacon_and_ovaries
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a bicycle by folding up some paper in my desk drawer. It doesn't move though - it's a stationery bike.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Dick move
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the mother cat move her kittens?

She didn’t want to litter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A reason to move to Switzerland
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeryAb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do trees never move?

Because they always stick to their roots!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NukulerNicky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wants to move into his parents attic...

He has lofty ambitions.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't many people move to the metric system?

They are suffering from the agony of de feet.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Outstanding move.
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FizyFuzz
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the bike move?

because it was two tired

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sugargrasses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
In a sword fight, what is a Redditor’s favourite move?

A riposte.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't think I could ever move to Denmark, too many red flags.

On the other hand the flag is a big plus, so I'm a little conflicted.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The pro-grammar move.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/R4yvex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley gives you almost all of his Pixar move collection

He’s never gonna give you Up

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awildspenappears
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I've decided to move to Thailand

Phuket

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do skeletons never move?

Because they have too much Skelatonin

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GibbyB123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If the air moves fast, is it the windy 500?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShrekIsMyDad27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What technology does the Chinese Government use to determine which dance moves are appropriate and respectable?

Motion censors

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a cows favorite dance move?

The Milkshake!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZuperSean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't pen stores move?

Because they're stationery

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rickyburrito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe my police officer friend didn’t help me move

He really is a cop out.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zkck0517
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I just wanted to move this pun to a sacred pun place to be safe from the punpatrol
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyyaawlPlays
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve particles that move faster than light."

A tachyon walks into a bar.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wormfood__
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
To which state did my ex-wife move after the divorce?

I don't know.

But if I see her, Alaska!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frasier_n_Chill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you move a moving truck?

U-Haul it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Ego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
In a sword fight, what's a Redditor's favorite move?

A riposte.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the one move in swordplay every instagramer knows?

Riposte!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Legit_not_a_bot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an artist who's always on the move?

Vincent Van Go

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the favorite chess move of ants with bladder problems?

En pissant

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alkazar82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m very optimistic about the upcoming U.S. elections. I feel as though the country will be able to move forward with a strong, clear vision.

It is 2020, after all.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kttypo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to see if my snail would move faster without the it's shell

but it wasn't any less sluggish then before.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gnhhjmmnnbggh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been thinking of reasons to move to Switzerland and the flag is a big plus
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi79
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do American painters always move to the Southwest?

The prefer CA,NV,AZ

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unleashtheducks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Dick move
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itslqb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the easiest house to move with?

Lighthouse.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off of my pet snail to see if it would move faster

But it just ended up being more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMeme13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
The bike I tried to ride today wouldn't move

It was two tired

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ianlucky13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard some scientists were surprised when they discovered a particle that moves faster than the speed of light.

I guess they just didn’t see it coming

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daksmyth93
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?

He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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