Today morning when I stood on the weighing scale it didn't move at all
I was like 0MG
My friend said that its impossible for a river to move through the desert.
I told him he was in deNile.
What do you call it when you move a rabbit from one spot to another?
A hare transplant.
"Move it! Yer Turtle-y blocking the road!" v.redd.it/dq9sg5g25l941
How do you call it when your previous wife moves to New York from a small town?
ex and The City
I made a bicycle by folding up some paper in my desk drawer. It doesn't move though - it's a stationery bike.
My IT friend asks me. "What is fast but doesn't move?"
"What?"
"A solid state drive."
"Have you and your wife considered kids?..."
After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
If the air moves fast, is it the windy 500?
I wanted to see if my snail would move faster without the it's shell
but it wasn't any less sluggish then before.
If you are cold, DONT TOUCH MY THERMOSTAT! Just move your bed to the corner of your room where its 90 degrees.
Sometimes I just stare at an egg and be happy that it doesn't have to move for survival !
Isn't that egg-static?
I have a poster of the clown from it in my house that I move everyday.
Cause I like to move it , move it. I like to move it, move it.
I've invented something that will waterproof your building as it moves between floors!
Let me give you the elevator pitch.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
It's the size of a needle, but it moves like a sewing machine.
Whenever I go near my bed in VR it moves 4 feet into the wall...
It must be a Bed bug.
I'm going to move to West London. I'm really going to do it, I'm going to be a man of action.
Sorry, a man of Acton.
Why couldn't the dog move it's car?
Because he left it in bark.
What do you call it when two halflings move in together?
Cohobbitation.
What makes it's way around a prison, yet it never moves?
A fence
Not sure if this counts (but its totally a dad move)
My wife and daughter picked me up from work today.
As I'm turning to lock the door, my daughter wants to race me.
'Hold on a sec so I can lock the door'
Then I asked her if she wants to take my keys out of the lock. As soon as she does, I take off for the car.
