Idk I'm too single to understand
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
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You know that it's always the boys raised by single moms that end up with Dad Bods.

They always wanted a father figure.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
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You see a boat filled with people, but when you look closer you don't find a single person in it. Why?

Because everyone is married.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangerouslyawful
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
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I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.

So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?

I said "Go on then!!"

Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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Man... Every single post here is about the Suez Canal...

People must be stuck in it

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryan2849
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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We threw a house party that ended badly last night, my wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.

The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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Parking a single car doesn't need much space...

But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
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What’s the single form of calculus?

Calculme.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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What happens when you take a photo of a car with a single wheel?

Nothing happens, You don't take a photo of anything with a wheel, you use a camera/mobile phone instead.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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Not a single person.
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whiskey_risky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
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I just read an article about a German stealth division from WWII that never had a single casualty

Guess it’s true what they say, you can not hit what you can Nazi

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turkyman3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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I posted something on here the other day and didn’t get a single upvote

I guess nobody Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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My flatmate and I are single AF so I got her flours for valentines day....
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpohieAuz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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Most of the attractive, single women I meet, are divorced...

From reality.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
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I met my wife at a singles bar...

Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.

πŸ‘︎ 480
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Single ants can live to be 29 years old. Do you know why?

Because they have little antibodies.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snappercop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
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Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrevAccountBanned
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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I've completed 4 years of being single today.

Or Can I say I graduated my Bachelor's Degree?

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sairohit21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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When no one is around, I would loudly describe the process of cutting down a single tree.

It is just a mono-log.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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When I was single I had this one night stand

But then I got married and we bought a second night stand.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coleosis1414
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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A girl approached me today at a restaurant and asked if I was single...

I said YES. And she said "Cool' and took the chair to her table for her boyfriend.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
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My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store

But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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I found out my crush is single, but she has COVID

Maybe I could be her new taste in men

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyhighjams
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
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Went to the store yesterday and bought a single cherry and some microphone equipment

Bought-a-Bing, Bought-a-boom

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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Two guys were arrested for stealing a single calendar

They both got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS

Married

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oakvard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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How did Noah fit 2 of every animal in a single boat ?

State-of-the-Ark technology

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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When I was a single man, I had plenty of free time.

Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?

It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamugo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?

A trophy!!!

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshually
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Why was the color green always single?

It was always so jaded.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.

He was sailing on the seven C’s

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I read a story about twin brothers born with a single body and shared organs.

Age 6 they were separated in a successful 13hr surgery. Later in life they went to prison for armed robbery. They served 10yrs. Afterwards they wrote their book about being ex-con joined twins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says β€œyou must be single” and I respond with β€œhow did you know?”

She responded, β€œ because you are ugly!”

πŸ‘︎ 208
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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The greatest baseball player ever was a guy named Hugh McBealy, and he was most famous for every single time he came to the plate knocking the ball high over right field and into the stands.

He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.

He earned the nickname β€œthe machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.

And the day he retired a reporter asked him β€œHow does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”

Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. β€œWhat do you mean?” He said.

The reporter clarified β€œliterally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”

Hugh looked dejected and disappointed β€œyeah, my greatest failure...”

β€œWhat do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.

Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.

β€œI’ve been aiming left this whole time”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frnklfrwsr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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A new hot single by "The Paint Rollers"
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathyDre
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.

I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Today I took a single Cheerio from my son’s bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said β€œWatch out...”

β€œ...cereal killer.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.

He was absolutely delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entangled_dicks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Did you know Michelangelo didn’t paint a single painting?

He painted loads of them

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoswede
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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It's halloween and not a single kid came to my house trick or treating...

...that only happens once in a blue moon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewouldblock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 years, but I never heard her tell a single joke.

We are in a very serious relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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