Idk I'm too single to understand
You know that it's always the boys raised by single moms that end up with Dad Bods.
They always wanted a father figure.
You see a boat filled with people, but when you look closer you don't find a single person in it. Why?
Because everyone is married.
I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.
So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.
After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?
I said "Go on then!!"
Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.
Man... Every single post here is about the Suez Canal...
People must be stuck in it
We threw a house party that ended badly last night, my wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.
The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.
Parking a single car doesn't need much space...
But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
What’s the single form of calculus?
What happens when you take a photo of a car with a single wheel?
Nothing happens, You don't take a photo of anything with a wheel, you use a camera/mobile phone instead.
I just read an article about a German stealth division from WWII that never had a single casualty
Guess it’s true what they say, you can not hit what you can Nazi
I posted something on here the other day and didn’t get a single upvote
My flatmate and I are single AF so I got her flours for valentines day....
Most of the attractive, single women I meet, are divorced...
I met my wife at a singles bar...
Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.
Single ants can live to be 29 years old. Do you know why?
Because they have little antibodies.
Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
I've completed 4 years of being single today.
Or Can I say I graduated my Bachelor's Degree?
When no one is around, I would loudly describe the process of cutting down a single tree.
When I was single I had this one night stand
But then I got married and we bought a second night stand.
A girl approached me today at a restaurant and asked if I was single...
I said YES. And she said "Cool' and took the chair to her table for her boyfriend.
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
I found out my crush is single, but she has COVID
Maybe I could be her new taste in men
Went to the store yesterday and bought a single cherry and some microphone equipment
Two guys were arrested for stealing a single calendar
They both got six months.
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS
How did Noah fit 2 of every animal in a single boat ?
When I was a single man, I had plenty of free time.
Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?
Why was the color green always single?
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.
He was sailing on the seven C’s
I read a story about twin brothers born with a single body and shared organs.
Age 6 they were separated in a successful 13hr surgery. Later in life they went to prison for armed robbery. They served 10yrs. Afterwards they wrote their book about being ex-con joined twins.
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says “you must be single” and I respond with “how did you know?”
She responded, “ because you are ugly!”
The greatest baseball player ever was a guy named Hugh McBealy, and he was most famous for every single time he came to the plate knocking the ball high over right field and into the stands.
He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.
He earned the nickname “the machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.
And the day he retired a reporter asked him “How does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”
Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. “What do you mean?” He said.
The reporter clarified “literally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”
Hugh looked dejected and disappointed “yeah, my greatest failure...”
“What do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.
Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.
“I’ve been aiming left this whole time”
A new hot single by "The Paint Rollers"
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
Today I took a single Cheerio from my son’s bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said “Watch out...”
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
Did you know Michelangelo didn’t paint a single painting?
It's halloween and not a single kid came to my house trick or treating...
...that only happens once in a blue moon.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 years, but I never heard her tell a single joke.
We are in a very serious relationship.