Double pun.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemaholicCreeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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The double pun
πŸ‘︎ 878
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryyi23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
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Double pun.
πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jojjixx55
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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Double pun!
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stolen_Burrito
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Double pun
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/powellwi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Double puns anyone else?

To me this was the moment I knew my girlfriend was a pun master.

Going to the kitchen to grab some more food, my girlfriend happened to be standing there. As a was scooping seconds of dinner she said something and I said one second.. She said "no seconds" as the scoop hit the plate and the words left my mouth.. Two puns at once! I was impressed and amazed needed to post it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wheatiesforme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2016
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Got my 8 year old brother with double pun, that left him in silence and me in laughter (as usual)

Playing soccer with my 8 year old brother (I'm sortve like an uncle to him) when he then says his eye is hurting.

Me: Really are you okay?

Him: Yeah it's alright. It happens sometimes when I'm reading and i can't make out the words.

Me: (thinking he may have dyslexia) Oh really, what happens to the words when you try to read them?

Him: I can't read them. Sometimes words just moosh together, like "they" and "are" become one word, it's weird.

Me: Maybe you just have conjunctivitis!

XD

(Then had to explain what "conjunctivitis" and a "conjunction" is - still a win in my books)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Behemoth_The_Cat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2015
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Double tap
πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DerBrutalo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
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My 7 year old proudly said dad I double knotted my shoe.

I said, "You did not." She glares at me, "Yes I did." Me, "You did knot." She grudgingly accepts reality and stomps away, head shaking.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
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An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.

From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
I’m trying to stop making double ententres

But my god, it’s so hard!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deffish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
Double attack?
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juicysand420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
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What do you call a pixie who double-majored in physics and genealogy?

The fairy of relativity.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Never trust a shoe salesman who doubles as a drug dealer

As a sole provider they'll likely get you something that's laced.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0DEWzard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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All the jokes I think of end with a double preposition

I can just never think of anything else to finish them off with

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soody765
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
I've got a double joke for you

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why?

To see the idiot.

...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The chicken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LikeThosePenguins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
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Double the trouble
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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Why was the double barreled shotgun unable to speak when it was upset?

It was two triggered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
From The Simpsons S30E03, My Way Or the Highway to Heaven, in which Ned is a trampoline salesman. The Simpsons writers surely love their puns. This is even funnier given Net's straight-laced nature and what the sign unwittingly implies. A classic double entendre.
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mutedloquacity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
why are double amputations so expensive?

they cost an arm and a leg

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegetable-Pea
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Double rainbow!
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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My name is bond, double.....
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcZPcZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
What's an easy way to double your money?

Hold it in front of a mirror

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
My wife found out last night that I had swapped our double bed for a 14 foot round trampoline...

First she hit the roof, then the light, then the roof again.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
double whammy
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trilingual_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry...

Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.

πŸ‘︎ 353
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rowanowski
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do pirates on the Double-Dutchman call their Cap'n?

Skipper of course.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xhulifactor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an old German currency that can double as a page finder?

A book mark.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFailureKing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Double Whammy
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amiibosss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Darlings you got to let me know. Should I shave or should I grow? If I shave there could be stubble, and if I grow it could be double. So c’mon and let me know ohhhh..
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slomaroma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Double punitration
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/friendlydudeguy
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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Double crosspost
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chazmmmm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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What do you call a double decker airplane that bounces on the runway while it lands?

a BOING 747

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Double the punnery in Scotland.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steeev88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What you get when you play the song "walk with me in hell" at double speed?

"Sprint with me in hell"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaicnaan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, if u had double the money, double the time and double the energy, then what would u be?

Dad: W

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Jokster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Too bad OJ didn’t play for Denver. Could have been a double whammy here.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gcarsk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Double tap on your screen.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerGav09
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
🚨︎ report
In college, I double-majored in dermatology and dentistry...

I graduated by the skin of my teeth

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rowanowski
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Girl walks into a bar and orders a double entendre.

The bartender gives it to her.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/panda69117
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Trying to find motivation and engage with research of what motivated people in the post-Bronze Age to engage in building double-storey dwellings...

Irony on two many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when a fog double parks?

It gets toad?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J2JvCfA3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to go on a double date the other day.

But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into a bar and asked for a double entendre

The bartender gave it to me

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Double parked my boot. It got toe-d
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Armyman365
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Double tap on your screen
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Double whammy
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaseAub12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife had to double check she wasn't pregnant.

We were sitting on a little bench, watching birds going crazy over some bread that had been left on the ground. "I wonder who gave the little birds those rolls", she said.

"Probably the casting director."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niflhe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
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Double croc!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExpiredTomato
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
So tired of these double standards.

If a woman sleeps with ten men she's a slut, but if a man does it he's gay.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Just double checking my footnotes
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakaZuluYourMom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
When buying cookware always double check it's non-stick

http://imgur.com/zrLdcsm

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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Double dad

So, my sister is having her final tests on high school (I'm in college and have a really cute son with my girlfried) and got home today with a weird look on her eyes. Me and dad were having some sandwiches and watching The Empire Strikes Back (Star Wars marathon hype!). I looked at her and asked what happened, she immediately responded "I'm tired as fuck." By that point, I looked at my dad. He was looking at me, with a sparkle on his eyes. We both stood up, walked to her and said together: "HELLO TIRED AS FUCK, WE ARE DAD" Even my mother started laughing. It was hillarious.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm seeing double, double double!

It's an octuple illusion!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/U-pu-36-ESM
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The new Double Wookie Burger at the Mos Eisley Cantina is a disappointment.

It’s two Chewie.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
The double e’s in β€œbee” might actually be silent.

The single e in β€œbe,” too.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1st10Amendments
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Had to double take when I saw a snake wearing a hard hat

Turns out it was his work attire...

He's a boa constructor

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parkerthedeal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
This sign had me double take when I passed it in Switzerland.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wowzers63
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What is it called when youre double jointed?

Bi-flex-ual

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pidgetha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job of making a double or multiple fold in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching the top or side.

I was de-pleated.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I once went to work drunk and put too many double or multiple folds in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching at the top or side.

It was replete with pleats.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman walks in to a bar and orders a double entendre.

So the Bartender gives it to her

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tickle_my_testis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I learned everything I know about fairness from the Goddess of Pop and her body double.

Cher and Cher-alike.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard of this new death metal band that likes double entendres. Their name?

Youth In Asia

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dgrubbnasty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Double entendre placeholder:

<gently insert pun>

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caleje
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
In grammar you shouldn’t do double negatives.

It’s a no no.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My son insisted his nails were already cut and I didn't have to trim them. I asked if I could just double-check his hand.

http://i.imgur.com/bAuV8Nh.png

πŸ‘︎ 341
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danchan22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Do You know what they call alternative medicine that has been proven to work via research, experimentation, and double-blind clinical trials?

Regular medicine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Today at work we had to install doors into 2 double doored closets.

There were only 3 of them so my coworker said "huh, that's odd."

"Of course man, if we had 4 it would be even."

He did laugh but not as hard as me.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mydrasis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
She needed to prepare for trouble, make that double!

Today a student of mine was wearing a Pikachu onesie for pajama day at work (a junior in h.s.).our conversation went like this. If she wasn't in anime club with me I would have left her alone.

Me: did your wear that so guys would want to take a peek-at-chu?

Student : Mrs. Acinomismonica, please stop

Me: why? You scared they won't choose you?

Student : I'm going to stop talking to you now

Me: don't be such an Ash

Student : Mrs. Acinomismonica, you need to stop!

Me: c'mon student, you gotta Ketchum to my jokes

Enter the rest of my class groaning, it was a good day. Good thing I stopped before they threw Brocks at me.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acinomismonica
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
🚨︎ report
A girl at the bar sat next to me and asked me for a double entendre...

So, I gave it to her.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/R1CKS4NCH3ZC137
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I got double dad joked by my 6 yo

My daughter was riding her bike while I was brisk walking next to her. After a few minutes, I told her that I was tired.

She goes "Hi Tired, I am two tired"

πŸ˜‘

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chanderjeet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Double D's

On a road-trip to Ohio, wife needs to use the new electric breast pump to feed our 3 week old.
W-What batteries does this thing take?
Me- Double D's.
W- Get out. I'm driving.

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sh4yde
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad put Christmas lights on his double bass today...

The lights were weaving in and out between the strings, all over the fretboard, etc, rendering it temporarily unplayable. So I asked, "How are you going to play it now with the lights between the strings?" He replied with, "Carefully." Of course. "But the lights will stop the strings from being used properly!"

"Well, they'll just feel a little lighter then, won't they?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathbat6120
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Why can't you play football in a road where there's a double yellow line?

Because it's a no passing zone!

.... I'll show myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Returningdarkness
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between an old greyhound bus station and a lobster with double Ds?

One's a crusty bus station, the other's a busty crustacean.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/busty_crustacean
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Double Dad Joke
πŸ‘︎ 462
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2planes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Friend of mine dadjoked the waitress while we were on a double date...

At a restaurant, waitress comes to take our order...

Friend: Yeah, can I have the quesadilla? But I'm not that hungry, is there anyway I can have just one 'dilla' and not the whole case?

I preceded to laugh uncontrollably. The ladies contemplated leaving.

πŸ‘︎ 233
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeithSkud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Double dad-joked my brother when making a sandwich

When taking cheese out of the fridge:

Me: "Ouch!"

Brother: "What happened?"

Me: "Nothing, this cheddar is just really sharp."

After waiting for the groan, I threw in "that was pretty much the opposite of cutting the cheese."

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/White_Shade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2014
🚨︎ report
For sale: Slightly used double-reed woodwind. Missing an E...

$50 OBO.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Beware the double navel

Did you hear about evil man with two belly buttons?

He was di-umbilical.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mralex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Double dad jokes at coldstone

As we order our ice cream, my parents, girlfriend and I.

Gf to dad: French vanilla huh? Fancy

Dad: Oui. Groans heard around the store

Dad: Ha! I'm funny

Mom: yeah, funny lookin'

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doggiechewtoy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Double dad joked at orientation

So I was at orientation for my new job yesterday. There's 2 people there from the company, and 4 of us new people.

After the orientation is done...

Guy next to me: (silences phone because it's ringing) Sorry... my dad's calling me.

Guy from company: What's he calling you? Mine normally calls me my name.

Guy next to me: That's weird! I thought your name was Mike! Nice to meet you, my name!

Both of them both start to crack. I nearly snort what's left of my kit kat up my nose because I started laughing and the other 3 people there are shaking their heads slowly at us.

Side note: both of them are dads and in their 30's. I'm 21, and not a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 305
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quixotic_Ryan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Double dad joke at work today.

A little background I work at a warehouse and was moving some pallets, I walked by a buddy of mine and the conversation went a bit like this:

Me: Hey do you want some wood to eat?

Him: Why wood I want that?

Me: Because I heard it's very palatable.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeFittyy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife and I asked a hotel for a room with a king, queen or double bed...

The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.

Disappointed, I remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the same bed for 44 years."

"Could you possibly put them close together?" my wife asked.

Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, "How romantic."

My wife finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I want him close enough to be able to elbow him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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How did Scrooge get his employees to work double time on Christmas Eve?

He made Crochet sign a quaver.

(Credit goes to a friend of mine who's been writing Christmas cracker puns)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoutgun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2012
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Dad pulled a double dad joke yesterday

Mom walks in

Mom: I have to go to Tuesday Morning to get a new shower curtain.

Dad: But it's Wednesday afternoon? Do you have a time machine?!

Mom: haha you're funny.

Dad: I'm not funny, I'm dad!

....

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyllama256
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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My son and I double Dad Joked my wife

This stupid song from the movie Grease comes on the radio and my wife asked, "Do you know what part of the movie they sing this song in?". I said , " The worst part?" She said," No the end." And my son replied, "So the best?"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeybassturd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2015
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A double triumph at dinner

Me, talking to my gang of teenage kids about their day. I asked my oldest son what he was working for the upcoming science olympiad. My son: "We're working on a pendulum." Me: "Must be a lot of back and forth." ACTUAL LAUGHTER! After we settled back down, my son said, "We're also working on objects." I said "Objects?" puzzled. "No Dad! Optics!" "Oh! Optics.....I see. (big grin)" Laughter again! TRIUMPH!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trader_dave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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I can do a double backflip

My dad and I are in the car driving home from school, and we start talking about amazing talents. Suddenly my dad says Dad: "I can do a double backflip" Me: "No way Dad, this is probably some silly dad joke" Dad: "No seriously I can, I watched an 80 year old woman do it on youtube, I'll bet you on it" Me: "Alright fine, show me when we get home"

We get home. My dad goes to the grass to do his famous double backflip. He jumps in the air. Bends his back a bit. Then behind his back he flips the bird with both hands.

Dad: "I guess you owe me for the bet"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TIFUmegareddit
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2015
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