My grandpa's "triple pun"

This joke holds a special place in my heart. My grandpa told me it and I never forgot it. About 2 years later when I brought it up to him, he didn't remember it. So I told him the joke and he peed himself laughing ... At his own joke.

"Why did the man ask for his eggs Benedict to be served on a hubcap?"

"Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAM3SBND
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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My triple pun Halloween costume deserves the triple crown.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DinosaurLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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That's a triple
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stantse2
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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Triple Black Panther Pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Awesam114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Arthur the Assassin indicted for a cheap triple murder at local grocery store.

Headline: "Artie chokes three for a dollar at the A&P."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Oh baby a triple
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tenth_Doctor_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Why is Irish whiskey triple distilled?

To be sure, to be sure, to be sure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyJoeDavola
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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A Triple Crown Winner?

Affirmed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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So today my dad says he needs a triple knee replacement...

β€œMy left knee, my right knee, and my wee-nie”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carolina_fireball
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
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Got a triple facepalm with this one

Was closing at the restaurant I worked at, when someone started breaking down the iced tea station. While checking if any tables were drinking it, she asked "Tim, do you need tea?"

Before he could respond, I said "of course he does. Without it, he'd be Im.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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Triple Whammy Dad Joke
  • Young Brother: Dad, if I went to the hospital, would it be free?

  • Dad: Is what free? Are you getting a burger?

  • Young Brother: No, I mean a procedure.

  • Dad: What kind of procedure?

  • Young Brother: An unnecessary one.

  • Dad: What? Like a breast reduction? Penis enlargement?

  • Brother 0, Dad 3.

EDIT formatting, clarified that brother is young

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tapeball
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2014
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Dad, how did you know American Pharoah was going to win the Triple Crown?

I studied the Gallup Polls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whiplash1911
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
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What do you call a British guy when he has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?

PunGent

Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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So I have a snifter glass of clipped basil leaves on my desk as a piece of decoration...

And my dad looks at it and goes, "It's a small bouquet in every sense of the word! Triple pun, hoo baby!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trepwn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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What type of battery do you need if your car breaks down?

Triple A

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smiledude94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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My bouncy castle has almost tripled in value since I bought it

It’s just another product of inflation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJspringer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?

Triple Eh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrgonz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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It All
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaltsTwoCents
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I'll bee damned
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinfastjohny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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If Smellevision existed, what channel would you smell wrestling?

Triple HBO

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmaffeo3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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What do you call a door that doesn't open?

A jar.

Edit:

Apparently this isn't original, and there's a "real" version of this joke.

When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar.

Thanks for the correction, u/TheRealTripleH !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_singh510
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Why did the ghost blush when it looked inside the beehive?

It saw some boo-bees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My wife found out I was cheating on her, after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
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Have you read the book batteries not included by:

Ray Ovac?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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Orion's Belt is a huge waist of space.

Terrible joke, only 3 stars.

Edit: I've been told there is a triple star system and a binary pair so it may be 6 star joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Memelord2131
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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My girlfriend wanted to go to a botanical garden in the mountains

I rose to the occasion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
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Eye roll
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manny-Hatz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Double pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/powellwi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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If hippos went to brain surgery school. Would they be on a hippocampus?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Can't wait for the other ninjas to see my new nunchuks vignette1.wikia.nocookie.…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/survivingLettuce
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
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Just got my wife at the Target

So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"

Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Foxtrot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Which athletes keep the warmest in the winter?

The Triple-Jumpers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandyChristmas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
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Showed my dad the Tesla car launch...

His response was "I hope they don't break down, I don't think triple A covers space."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BAM5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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Invest in yeast

It's rising.

  • my great grandfather
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πŸ‘€︎ u/some_kid6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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My coworker brought in his dad in to tour the new office.

"Hi, I'm Stan, and this is Triple Stan."

My coworker's name is Tristan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcySlurpee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2016
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The Tale of Hobbin & Noggin

One day a farmer's mare birthed two foals. One was named Hobbin, and the other Noggin. The two horses grew up and loved to race each other. One day the farmer noticed the two racing each other around the pasture and thought to himself, "Wow! These horses are quick!" So the next day he entered them into a local derby. As the race was about to start, the horses were rearing and snorting to get let out of the gate. As soon as the gates swung open, both horses immediately bolted to the front of the race as the announcer was going wild, "It's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, and Hobbin wins by a nose!" Excited by the win, the farmer then enters them into the Kentucky Derby. Once again, as soon as the gates open, both horses fly to the front of the race and it's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. This continues in every race until Hobbin has won the Triple Crown. By this point the farmer is beginning to realize just how fast these horses are, so he decides to enter them into a NASCAR race and again, it's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. This pattern continues until Hobbin wins the Sprint Cup. Still believing that he can push these horses further, he enters them both into an F1 Grand Prix. Unbelievably, against some of most well-engineered machines on Earth, as soon as the race started it was Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. Hobbin won so often that he was named the World Drivers' Champion. After that the farmer decided that the horses had done it, they'd won the most prestigious races in the world; they had earned their retirement. Five years later, as the two horses were grazing in their pasture, Noggin walked up to Hobbin and said, "Hey, you know, you won all of those races we were in. Do you think that we could race around the pasture, and you could just let me win one race?" "Okay, I'll do that for you" Hobbin replied. So, just like the olden days, the two horses were off, and ever the same, it was Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, and again, Hobbin beats Noggin by a nose. The old farm dog, watching from the farmhouse's front porch, walks over and asks Hobbin, "Hey, why'd you do that? You said you'd let him win, the race was just for fun; it meant nothing." To which Hobbin responded, "WOW. Would you look at that? A t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Umkazto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Copped this classic April fools prank from dad this morning.

Bursts into room

"QUICK GET UP YOU'RE LATE FOR SCHOOL!"

"Yeah yeah, April fools, you got me."

"Haha, damn, thought i'd be able to scare you"

I had forgotten to set my alarm last night, it was 9am and i was actually late for school. My respect for my dad at least tripled today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/owchies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2014
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Dad asked me about my education

Dad: Can you double major?

Me: I already am a double major

Dad: Can you triple major?

Me: No, that's not allowed.

Dad: Can you colonel?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhySoCuriousSir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2015
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Radio dad joke.

Listening to Triple J (Australian music radio station) and witnessed this dad joke (probably not the exact words):

When you wear bacon thongs, you get rashers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Furah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
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Final Fantasy X

My friend was playing FFX last night and came upon the Triple Foul sphere for Wakka. Neither of us could remember, off the tops of our heads, what it did. That was when I said, 'Triple Foul? Pheasant, chicken, and duck?'

GROANS ALL AROUND

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rodeohno
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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