The only thing I learned in high school was how to multiply...

and I have eleven kids to prove it.

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π€︎ u/andersonfmly
π︎ Sep 08 2020
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Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.

Dark, isnβt it?

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Feb 25 2019
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Choose any number between 2 and 8. Multiply by 4, and then add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasnβt it?

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Apr 14 2020
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The term "caps" is not valid unless you multiply this...
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π€︎ u/Solilupus
π︎ Jan 15 2020
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You matter. That is, until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared...

... then you energy.

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π€︎ u/patentpunk
π︎ Jun 24 2019
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When making a talking point, always multiply length by width by height...

...it speaks volumes.

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π︎ Oct 22 2019
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As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.

So Noah asked them, βWhy arenβt you multiplying?β

The snakes replied, βWe canβt, weβre adders.β

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π€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
π︎ Apr 28 2019
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My math teacher says I need to use "multiply".

Why does she care what kind of toilet paper I use? I can't afford that expensive fancy stuff!

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π€︎ u/dmc_2930
π︎ Dec 19 2016
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Where's the best place to multiply exponents to the second power?

Times Square.

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π€︎ u/Godredd
π︎ Jan 02 2019
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And god said go forth and multiply... except for snakes

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π€︎ u/HookDragger
π︎ Aug 05 2018
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The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals...

...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.

Then he heard something he didn't recogniseβ¦ a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.

"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"

"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're addersβ¦ so we have to use logs."

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π€︎ u/bittibitti
π︎ Feb 01 2018
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What do you get when you multiply milk and cheese?

A dairy product.

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π€︎ u/nanushthedog
π︎ Sep 03 2018
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What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Aug 12 2020
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If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied itβs area by two, what would you get?

WSA

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π€︎ u/shortordercook
π︎ Dec 06 2019
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Houseflies are arithmetic-whizzes.
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π€︎ u/Iamexceptional
π︎ May 01 2020
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What do mathematicians do in the restroom?

PnC

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π€︎ u/Superabuser
π︎ Oct 27 2020
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What's 5q + 5q?

You're welcome.

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π€︎ u/Shan095
π︎ Jun 14 2020
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You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?

You matter.

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π︎ Apr 29 2020
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Puns make me numb

Math puns make me number

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π€︎ u/IamKayrox
π︎ Dec 16 2019
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At my church, every Sunday we eat apples and work on math problems.

Because God said to be fruit-full and multiply.

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π€︎ u/CSwork1
π︎ Mar 04 2020
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Sex is like math

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply

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π€︎ u/pitchstrikes
π︎ Oct 28 2018
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Foiled it.
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π€︎ u/Rvghteous
π︎ Aug 15 2017
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So my dad just emailed me this.

If you have a pizza with radius 'z' & height 'a', its volume is pi*z*z*a.

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π€︎ u/harsh183
π︎ Oct 19 2016
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A pound of bricks weighs more than a pound of feathers

In America you can buy a square foot of bricks for around \$8.50. There are 7 bricks in a square foot, meaning you are buying each brick for about a \$1.21. Today one dollar is 0.75 pounds, so \$1.21 is about 0.92 pounds, meaning for a full pound you can buy 1.087 bricks for about a pound. Each brick weighs 5 pounds, which means 1.087 bricks weighs 5.435 pounds. Now on the other hand you many buy 48 feathers for one dollar in America , considering that one dollar is 0.75 ponds, you could buy 64 feathers. with one pound. Each feather weighs around 0.0003 ounces, which multiplied by 64 is 0.0192 ounces , which is 0.0012 pounds. 5.435&gt; 0.0012. There you have it a pound of bricks weighs more than a pound if feathers .

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π€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
π︎ Dec 14 2019
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When was multiplication invented?

A long time ago. Adam and Eve were the first to multiply.

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π€︎ u/milkchaser
π︎ Dec 18 2019
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How do you make toilet paper have more layers?

You multiply them.

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π€︎ u/AngelVaruh
π︎ Dec 13 2019
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What's a mathematician's favorite type of toilet paper?

Multiply.

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π€︎ u/ClarkeFishing
π︎ Aug 12 2019
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Hoo hoo hoo honey
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π€︎ u/drryanfeelgood
π︎ Aug 12 2018
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Want to hear a bunny joke?

Great! Because even doe they're coney, I'm a rabbit fan of a really bunny jokr. Sorry if it bugs you, but they make me hoppy and I hope they multiply.

I'm all ears whenever I hare one, br'ers nothing better. If I had burrowed a buck fur every one that's cotton me to chuckle I could buy a 10 carrot ring just in case my brother Jackelopes.

Shoot, I can't remember what the joke was now...

Oh well, Lettuce leaf it there, I've got to bounce over to IHOP for lunch.

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π€︎ u/JephriB
π︎ Sep 07 2019
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Why are amoeba bad at maths?

Coz they multiply by dividing.

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π€︎ u/anonyruag01
π︎ Jun 12 2019
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What's in the middle of the Olympic sprinter's hyphenated last name?

a 100 meter dash.

Edit: Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.

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π€︎ u/nomotho
π︎ May 10 2016
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I was never really good at maths.....

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π€︎ u/Black-Artist
π︎ May 07 2018
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He said he didn't but asked if she had a sister named Subtracty

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π€︎ u/SunshineShines
π︎ Jun 15 2017
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Why do bunnies always major in Math?

Because theyβre good at multiplying.

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π€︎ u/robrodcopp
π︎ Mar 31 2019
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So i matched with an accountant on a dating site...

And I asked her how she liked her job.

Her (paraphrased) reply: "I love it, what's great about working with numbers is that there's always a right answer."

Me: "I love it when everything adds up."

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π€︎ u/proteus4585
π︎ Mar 17 2016
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Had this one in class today.

The professor was discussing a new section in math class today and told us we have to digest all the new information. I told her I couldn't because I am math intolerance. Groans where heard for miles.

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π€︎ u/joshthejew420
π︎ Mar 04 2015
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Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasnβt it?

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Nov 23 2019
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Choose a number between 1 and 10. Now multiply it by 2, add 3, and subtract 7. Close your eyes.

Dark, wasnβt it?

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Dec 27 2018
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βThink of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply by 7. Add 2. Now close your eyes.β

Dark, isnβt it?

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Feb 16 2018
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As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiplyβ¦

After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.

So Noah asked them,βWhy arenβt you multiplying?β

The snakes replied, βWe canβt, weβre adders.β

π︎ 31
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π︎ Aug 24 2017
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What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Donβt worry about him. Heβs just a product of our times.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Jul 20 2019
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You matter

Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light ...

... then you energy.

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π€︎ u/stchrysostom
π︎ Sep 07 2020
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Do you know how to calculate the volume of a pizza with a radius of Z and a thickness of A?

Pi * Z * Z * A

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π€︎ u/czeslavo
π︎ Jan 30 2019
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You matter...

...until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared

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π€︎ u/jhabibs
π︎ Mar 15 2019
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