A four word sentence containing three puns

"Battery case contains assault".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcySpectre
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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Three unwritten rules of life.
πŸ‘︎ 291
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hi_fiv
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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"Fool me once - I'm mad. Fool me twice - How could you? Fool me three times - You're officially that guy, okay?"
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retroman_86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...

I have no egrets.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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My friend was telling me about the three bones of the arm

It was pretty humerus

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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My three favorite things are eating my family

and not using commas

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hetgr8
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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A girl with three cats told me that she wanted to get another cat

I was confused why she wanted a hat made of forks

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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I’m in favor of three-carbon alkanes.

I’m pro-pane!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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What goes in one hole, and out three others?

You, putting on a t-shirt.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terribletroubador
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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Three guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes and no matchbox or lighter, what do they do?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gab3_itch69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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I wanted to go with my mom when she walked her three dogs after dark.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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What do you call a camel with three humps

Pregnant

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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The Romans divided Gaul into three parts...

...probably used a pair of Caesars.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkfish-online
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinweight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I’ve waited five days and tried three times to post, Two men walk into a bar

Third one ducks

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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What do you do when an elephant has three balls?

Walk him, then pitch to the rhino. He’s a sucker for a curveball.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctor_boombot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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What's got three legs...

...a yellow belly, a red back, lives underground, and eats rocks?

A Three Legged Yellow Bellied Red Back Rock Eater!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I saw three Mexicans in my backyard

I had to tell them to go away because they were tres passing

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GLIZZYGOD999
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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What's the difference between a horribly dressed person on a two wheeler and a nicely dressed person on a three wheeler?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makunahatata27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the telly

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Three of the Teletubbies went shopping at the most expensive department store in town.

The fourth couldn’t afford to because she was Po.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 312
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He says β€œUno...Dos...” *POOF*

...he disappeared without a Très

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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Three old ladies on a bench...

Isn't it windy.

No, it's Thursday.

So am I, let's get a cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Three guys: Shutup, Manners and Poop are speeding down a road

They crash and Poop falls out. Shutup runs to the nearby police station asking for help. A policeman asks β€œWhat’s your name?” β€œShutup” β€œExcuse me? Where are your manners?” the policeman replies β€œOut on the road scraping up Poop!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BirdieA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
To those worried about eating salad after the recent e coli outbreaks, I have three words for you.

Lettuce romaine calm

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call a three legged donkey

a wonkey

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firevixen128
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Day three: what’s the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzatron574
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Three prospectors walk into a bar.

Barkeep: I'm sorry, but we don't serve miners here.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Tell a man there are three hundred billion stars in the universe, and he believes you.

Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he has to touch it to be sure.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
There are three kinds of people in this world:

Those who can add; and,

Those who can't.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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The police arrested water because it was wanted in three states

Gas, liquid, and solid

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cvzmir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend wanted to know what I look like with my glasses on but i told her I’ve been trying to find them for three days, she said β€œplease I need to see”

I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabstain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called β€œOne Two Three”, the other β€œUn Deux Trois”. Which cat won?

β€œOne Two Three” because β€œUn Deux Trois” cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LindsayLoserface
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The three members of the *cult*ery
πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/griefingnukeboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a camel with three humps?

Pregnant.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Euphoric_Ad8766
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What is always the score at the end of a β€œbest-of-three” match?

One won one, and one won two.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hokie_hi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
The three things I like are:

Eating my family and not using commas.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BarbaricBeast1804
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes but no matches or lighter. What do they do?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasmwala
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a donkey with only three legs?

A wonkey!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

You walk him, and pitch to the rhino

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thetindoor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Last night my wife and I watched three movies back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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