Because they didn’t want a Pope Sicola
He raised the Vatican urinals by 4 inches.
They lost the opener!
^^^^my ^^^^dad ^^^^tells ^^^^me ^^^^this ^^^^joke ^^^^every ^^^^damn ^^^^year.
My dad came back with this gem: "no, I think that's a pope"
David Justice (MLB Commentators provide an endless flow of Dad Jokes)
So sitting in the car with my dad and mom back in the day and a discussion about birds arose. It went on and arrived at the lifespan of cardinals.
My mom asks my dad, "How long does a cardinal live?"
He responds, "Probably at least 70 years"
Shocked at why he would think they lived so long, she asked, "Really? What makes you think that?"
He responds, "Well, I figure the pope is about 80 something"
He said "That's Busch league!"
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
Bird 1: what are we doing
Bird 2: we robin
Ik delivery couldve been better but leave me be best my hungover ass can do rn
A cardinal sin
Me: I think I hit a cardinal with my car on the way to work.
My husband: At least it wasn't the pope.
He got it from one of the cardinals
For context we have a pair of Guinea fowl and a pair of pheasants that have a coop in our back yard.
5 year old son, husband and I discussing our birds. Son: So are our birds married? Me: Yes, didn't you get an invitation? Son: No. Maybe there wasn't room in their coop. Husband: I heard the officiant was a cardinal, and the live entertainment was flock of seagulls
Another one popes up.
A bird of pray.
A Cardinal (n,s,e,w are called Cardinal directions)
He wants to keep the Cardinals on their toes.
They say he caught it from a Cardinal.
I called home yesterday for Mother's Day, and both of my parents were on the line at the same time. My mother and I were having a regular boring conversation, and my dad... well... he was keeping himself amused:
Dad: looks out the window Hey, it's a cardinal. pause I didn't know this was a Catholic neighborhood...
My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!
My husband: "I've been to Vatican City. There are so many pigeons there." Me: "No, they're called cardinals."
GF: I just saw a beautiful pair of cardinals
Me: Did you see any bishops or priests?
She didn't respond.
This morning my family was gathered around the table at breakfast...
Me: Oh hey look there's a cardinal out by the tree My dad: Is the pope out there with him?
In the car this morning, I almost hit a cardinal when it flew out in front of my sedan. I let out a breath because it got close, and I made a comment about how much I hate it when birds do that.
Without missing a beat, my husband nodded and said, "Yeah, birds do that all the time around here. Still haven't seen a chicken cross the road though."
I would have facepalmed if I hadn't been driving. He's ready for fatherhood...
"The picked off Cardinal base runner was in the Wong place at the Wong time."
So. We were listening to the Cardinals almost throw a game to the Titans earlier and the conversation went like this
Me: hey dad is this Sirius radio. We have one in our car too.
Dad: no, sometimes it's funny also.
Walking in the woods and 3yr old sees a bird and points. Grandma: "Oh a look a Cardinal!" Grandpa: "A Cardinal? I didn't know these woods were Catholic!" <Grandpa chuckles> Told my friend about it the next day and his response? "Well...they do have mass..." (Yes my friend is a dad)
He raised the Vatican urinals six inches.