Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
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︎ Jan 09 2021
The twelve days of Jokemas, day eight
What do you call a Santa Claus who's been fried?
Krispy Kringle
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Do you know why Santa and eight reindeer couldnβt open his vehicle?
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My lactose intolerant friend had some cheese at the beginning of our eight hour road trip today...
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 02 2020
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...
When I got home, I realized Iβd only picked seven up.
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︎ Feb 19 2020
What did the zero say to the eight?
π︎ 36
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︎ Sep 18 2020
i speak eight different languages
7 of the languages is 10 out of 10 but my German is 9
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 14 2020
My wife, who's eight months pregnant, asked me if I worry that it's been too hot recently for our baby inside her. I reassured her...
βNah, itβs probably womb temperature!"
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︎ Jul 14 2020
Did you hear the joke about the number eight that fell over on itβs side?
It just seems to go on forever.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
The number "eight" starts with an E.
But if you spelled it with an A, it'd be aight.
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︎ Aug 31 2019
Taller eight
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︎ Jan 31 2020
I got an eight on my test.
I asked the teacher about my grades, and he said Iβm an eight-iot.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 12 2020
My friend is running for treasurer and needs to make an eight second video for the video announcing the candidates, any good quick money puns for that?
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 13 2020
Why shouldnβt you drink eight cokes?
>!Because you can throw seven up.!<
>!Credit to my wife, so /r/momjokes. She just told me this laughed more than I should have.!<
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︎ May 21 2020
Who has eight guns and terrorizes the ocean?
π︎ 22
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︎ Feb 19 2020
If I had a dollar for every gender there was, I'd have eight
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 15 2020
Don't hate taller eight.
π︎ 22
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︎ Dec 25 2019
I needed a password eight characters long.
So I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 13 2019
I met a man who owned cheese that had been in his family for eight generations.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 25 2019
OMG, I can't believe Trump wanted Turkey to reveal it's tactics for capturing eight-legged, two-tentacled sea creatures!!!
He tried to do it squid pro quo.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 14 2019
I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my eight year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two, you have two, son.
Son: Nope.... I have four. Point to belly two kidneys here... points to legs... and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
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︎ Jul 31 2019
I work at a grocery store and I accidentally dropped one of the eight cases of soda I was supposed to stock on the top shelf
π︎ 15
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︎ Aug 07 2019
If an octopus is an octopus because it has eight legs, does that mean that cats should instead be called quadropuss?
You know, because it has four legs... and a cat is also called a puss.
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︎ Jan 27 2019
This was a comment on a post about a cheeta getting eight cubs
π︎ 34
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︎ Jan 06 2019
Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 29 2019
What do you get when Hitler doesn't lie, then lies once, then again, then two more times, then three times, then five, then eight, then thirteen times?
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︎ Oct 30 2018
A reporter meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, βAre you a pole vaulter?β
βNo,β says the man, βIβm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?β
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︎ Jan 05 2019
Bathroom dad joked my eight year old
My three year old daughter needs help wiping her backside after using the bathroom (#2) sometimes. It's that or she might get a rash... oh, the joys of parenting. My eight year old son was in the hallway.
Son: Dad, why do you need to help [daughter] wipe her butt?
Me: Because she does a shitty job.
(Yes, in the interest of the dad joke, I did say shit to my eight year old. He's heard it before.)
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︎ May 07 2014
I saw this dress decorated with small shiny disks: three on the arm, five on the collar, eight on the back...
They were Fibonacci sequins
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︎ Apr 12 2019
Six was afraid of seven because seven eight (ate) nine. But why did seven eat nine?
Because youβre supposed to eat three squared meals a day.
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︎ Oct 09 2017
I was reading a book about Romania for eight hours straight.
Finally I decided to give my Bucharest.
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 11 2019
What did the zero say to the eight?
π︎ 32
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︎ Sep 06 2020
What did the zero say to the eight?
π︎ 28
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︎ Jun 30 2020
I just went to the shop to pick up eight cans of Sprite,
But when I got home I realised Iβd only picked 7Up.
π︎ 28
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︎ Jun 03 2020
What did zero say to eight?
π︎ 15
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︎ Jun 20 2020
What did zero say to the eight?
π︎ 16
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︎ May 14 2020
What did the zero tell the eight?
π︎ 20
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︎ Mar 13 2020
I went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...
But when I got back home I realized I had only picked seven up
π︎ 760
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︎ May 20 2019
What did the number Zero say to number Eight?
π︎ 24
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︎ Dec 04 2019
I needed a password eight characters long
so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
π︎ 21
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︎ Sep 25 2019
What does the zero tell to the eight?
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 03 2019
What did the zero say to the eight?
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 06 2019
What did zero say to eight?
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 13 2019
I needed a password eight characters long...
... so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 26 2019
What did zero say to eight?
π︎ 20
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︎ Oct 24 2018
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