Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...

Hindsight is 2020!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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The twelve days of Jokemas, day eight

What do you call a Santa Claus who's been fried?

Krispy Kringle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Do you know why Santa and eight reindeer couldn’t open his vehicle?

One horse open sleigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PulkPush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My lactose intolerant friend had some cheese at the beginning of our eight hour road trip today...

How dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oz_caution
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.

He gave one to three for five

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GayMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...

When I got home, I realized I’d only picked seven up.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harlienx900
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt!

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgtjenno
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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i speak eight different languages

7 of the languages is 10 out of 10 but my German is 9

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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My wife, who's eight months pregnant, asked me if I worry that it's been too hot recently for our baby inside her. I reassured her...

β€œNah, it’s probably womb temperature!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Did you hear the joke about the number eight that fell over on it’s side?

It just seems to go on forever.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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The number "eight" starts with an E.

But if you spelled it with an A, it'd be aight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdneidich
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Taller eight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hexxitwater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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I got an eight on my test.

I asked the teacher about my grades, and he said I’m an eight-iot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColaNaught
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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My friend is running for treasurer and needs to make an eight second video for the video announcing the candidates, any good quick money puns for that?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onherejustforfun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Why shouldn’t you drink eight cokes?

>!Because you can throw seven up.!<

>!Credit to my wife, so /r/momjokes. She just told me this laughed more than I should have.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crs18
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Who has eight guns and terrorizes the ocean?

Billy the squid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandacoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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If I had a dollar for every gender there was, I'd have eight

quarters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Don't hate taller eight.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anjellycuh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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I needed a password eight characters long.

So I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kirbykooll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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I met a man who owned cheese that had been in his family for eight generations.

It was Heirloumi.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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OMG, I can't believe Trump wanted Turkey to reveal it's tactics for capturing eight-legged, two-tentacled sea creatures!!!

He tried to do it squid pro quo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my eight year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two, you have two, son.

Son: Nope.... I have four. Point to belly two kidneys here... points to legs... and two kid knees here!

The student has become the teacher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenevi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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I work at a grocery store and I accidentally dropped one of the eight cases of soda I was supposed to stock on the top shelf

At least I got 7up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohitsgoin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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If an octopus is an octopus because it has eight legs, does that mean that cats should instead be called quadropuss?

You know, because it has four legs... and a cat is also called a puss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmMyOwnLaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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This was a comment on a post about a cheeta getting eight cubs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geeshaan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...

...is a nap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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What do you get when Hitler doesn't lie, then lies once, then again, then two more times, then three times, then five, then eight, then thirteen times?

A fibber Nazi sequence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dragondorkdad
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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A reporter meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, β€œAre you a pole vaulter?”

β€œNo,” says the man, β€œI’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exman1992
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Bathroom dad joked my eight year old

My three year old daughter needs help wiping her backside after using the bathroom (#2) sometimes. It's that or she might get a rash... oh, the joys of parenting. My eight year old son was in the hallway.

Son: Dad, why do you need to help [daughter] wipe her butt?

Me: Because she does a shitty job.

(Yes, in the interest of the dad joke, I did say shit to my eight year old. He's heard it before.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtsjr
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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I saw this dress decorated with small shiny disks: three on the arm, five on the collar, eight on the back...

They were Fibonacci sequins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andronaut_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Six was afraid of seven because seven eight (ate) nine. But why did seven eat nine?

Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0N3WH0KN0CK5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book about Romania for eight hours straight.

Finally I decided to give my Bucharest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice Belt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomanda
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the zero say to the eight?

"Nice belt!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danger_games
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I just went to the shop to pick up eight cans of Sprite,

But when I got home I realised I’d only picked 7Up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kas348
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did zero say to eight?

β€œNice belt”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firstearth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottdetweiler
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the zero tell the eight?

Nice belt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yudun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...

But when I got back home I realized I had only picked seven up

πŸ‘︎ 760
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_rh1n0_M
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the number Zero say to number Eight?

β€œNice belt.”

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I needed a password eight characters long

so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the zero tell to the eight?

β€œNice Belt”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gipert
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyromania1983
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What did zero say to eight?

Nice belt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingerbreadman42
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I needed a password eight characters long...

... so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did zero say to eight?

Nice belt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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