Equine Theater (or, Two Puns in One)
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
What has two butts and kills people?
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 13 2021
Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How do you know which oneβs a prostitute?
The one with the stickers that says IDAHO π
π︎ 362
π
︎ May 16 2021
What do you call two young married spiders?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
I grilled a chicken for two hours.
It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road...
π︎ 257
π
︎ May 15 2021
Son: "Dad! I just saw two ducks at the park!"
Dad: βSorry, son... Thatβs not possible.β
Son: βI really did, I promise!β
Dad: βIt isnβt possible for two ducks to be be in the same place at the same time.β
Son: βWhy not?β
Dad: βBecause, son. It would create a pair-o-ducks!β
π︎ 190
π
︎ May 18 2021
What did the percussionist name his two daughters?
π︎ 97
π
︎ May 17 2021
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin
.
Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other.....
How do you drive this thing ?
π︎ 203
π
︎ May 13 2021
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right:
the Very model of a modern major general.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 16 2021
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 08 2021
What do you call two octopuses that look the same?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
Thatβs just unpresidented
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
As summer approaches, itβs a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But thatβs just my two scents.
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 21 2021
What do you call a two legged cow?
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 19 2021
Cyclops needs two i's
π︎ 75
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
... and as you can see, they were Wright
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Two big girls walk into a bar
Two big girls walk into a bar
They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies *"Wales!"*
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 04 2021
I woke up this morning to find two birds sitting in the sun in our backyard eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.
π︎ 133
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
There are two things I hate in this world...
Hypocrites and people who hate other people
π︎ 41
π
︎ May 06 2021
What do you call a relationship between two Jedi?
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 12 2021
There's two muffins baking in an oven
"Holy smokes it's hot in here" - One muffin says to the other
That muffin replies "No way! A talking muffin!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 16 2021
Like two peas in a (dolphin) pod
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Two monkeys were sitting in a bath.
The first monkey said "Ooh ahh ooh ooh ahh ooh!"
The second monkey replied "Well, add more cold water."
π︎ 32
π
︎ May 14 2021
Two bears are talking...
Bear1: βMan, my stomach is all tied up in knots.β
Bear2: βI told you not to swallow that boy-scout whole.β
π︎ 130
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says .....
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
Two spiders got married and bought their first home.
I was so happy for the newlywebs.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
I give you two pretty baller puns
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
Two pretzels walk down the street.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
Why did the golfer wear two pants?
In case they got a hole in one.
π︎ 81
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 16 2021
Two cats are on a metal roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest ΞΌ
π︎ 23
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
Two horses in a field, one says to the other βIβm so hungry, I could eat a horseβ
The other replies βmoooβ
π︎ 319
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
Why canβt two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
Two skunks were named In and Out. One day, In went missing. Even though he was deep in the forest, Out found him right away. When asked how he did it, Out replied
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 21 2021
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"
The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."
π︎ 41
π
︎ May 12 2021
A person sees someone walking in the street without a mask. Frustrated, he goes up to him, stops at two meters away and angrily mutters through his mask,
"People like you make me sick!".
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 13 2021
I got bit by a Japanese mosquito on the leg, now I got a Japanese one and two
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 18 2021
Two boats full of red and blue paint crashed in the indian ocean today
All of the crew are marooned
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
What do you call two guys on a window?
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 14 2021
How do you make the number two disappear?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Never take a calculus exam when you are sitting next to two identical twins.
Itβs really hard to differentiate between them.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
So two wind turbines are standing in a field when one asks the other βwhat kind of music do you like?β
The second replies βIβm a big metal fanβ
Courtesy of my 10 year old!
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
I grilled a chicken for two hours last night.
Still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 20 2021
Two peanuts walk into a bar...
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 20 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
